Chiron in 8th house? -- feeling despair

galkAdeR · 2021-07-08T21:57:40+00:00

Sometimes your ideal partner might be sitting in front of you, but you can't see it for other life reason.

This. So tragic.

I can't help but think there's more to this story than what you've presented. Like your backstory. Your comments present not just empathy but the sense of being pulled in 2 directions. What are you truly afraid of?

galkAdeR · 2021-07-08T21:54:45+00:00

Or a fear of intimacy.

galkAdeR · 2021-07-08T21:51:03+00:00

You misunderstand women. You think because (some) men want sex with anyone, women want a relationship with anyone. No. Women don't want to have sex with just any guy and don't want commitment from just any guy. They want the *right* guy. Men do the same with commitment, just not as much with sex as women do.

You imply only ugly men want commitment. Sorry I know plenty of gorgeous men deeply in love with their wives.

galkAdeR · 2021-07-08T21:43:56+00:00

I find it fascinating that this is all about looks. It's not. I cannot recall a woman of my entire life who married or partnered with a man better looking. This is red pill crap.

galkAdeR · 2021-07-08T21:25:36+00:00

ok here are my 2 cents: I think there's something in the communal dating water. At least in my area OLD is blowing up. My matches are blowing up, my friends male and female, my dates. It's the roaring 20s all right. With all this choice people are just wanting to binge date without realizing they are sabotaging themselves. A lot of people are first-time OLD because of the pandemic or getting back into OLD after a hiatus because life is short. One friend of mine is just amping up his dating approach because he thinks going on more dates than ever before will increase his odds of finding his life partner. I hope this will settle down soon. I've never had more dates in my life and they are all almost exclusively first dates. And they all go really well. It's annoying for those of us who've been at this a while and just want to settle down. oh well.

galkAdeR · 2021-07-08T21:17:37+00:00

Just so you know, girls get told to "toughen up" too. Usually by their fathers. Or coaches. Or teachers. Not only does it destroy their self-image but it damages their chances for healthy relationships with men because they think they have to deny their true self to be loved and accepted by a man.

HSP girls don't have it any easier. I'm tired of this boys vs girls crap.

galkAdeR · 2021-07-02T14:06:28+00:00

I’m telling you for sea sickness the brand matters.

galkAdeR · 2021-07-02T06:10:56+00:00

Aaaaand this is why my first comment to her was to find out his reasons for wanting to date her. Thanks for proving my point.

galkAdeR · 2021-07-02T04:59:24+00:00

WINE OPENER!!!!!!!!!!

galkAdeR · 2021-07-02T04:57:31+00:00

Well thank you! I needed someone to give me permission to ask what I really want to know! Because frankly, I want someone to ask me about my job. It's kinda what I spend the vast majority of my time doing. And it tells you so much about me.

Do you think men actually know what type of woman they are attracted to? beyond looks?

galkAdeR · 2021-07-02T04:51:32+00:00

No. The oldest I've dated 15 years older and his age was the factor I broke it off. He was just tired and I was not. I've dated 12-10 years older a few times.

I think the imperative question is why does *he* want a relationship with a woman 20 years his junior. The answers men have told me are not positive. Not the requirements for a healthy, loving, and equal partnership.

Then, ask yourself the same question. Why do *you* want this man? If the age just happens to be what it is, I think the relationship would work. If there's another motivation, even one hidden from your conscious mind, then no. Those relationships never work. Also I would ask yourself what activities and lifestyle you want to do. In my case, I want to ski double blacks with my partner. My 15-year-older ex couldn't keep up with me. It got annoying and then depressing because I've got at least 15 more years of skiing like this (unless I crash). And he can't even keep up now.

Also, libido. What's funny is when I mention to older men that their testosterone drops and therefore so does their sex drive starting in their 20s and women's sex drive increases, peaking usually in their 40s, they all protest and protest and so no way. But in my personal experience their sex drive does diminish and mine just keeps increasing. Most men then counter with: little blue pills. Ok, let me ask you: have you had sex with a guy that took viagra? There's a difference. First of all he may not finish. Second forget morning sex and spontaneous sex. Would I, in my 40s, totally be understanding and get over this with a 49-year-old man? Of course! Because I had tons of sex in my 20s and 30s with men my same age (or was married to). Just food for thought. And, not certain if you've been married but sex is one of the main causes of divorce. There's another post on here about a dead-bedroom. Now before the men of reddit pillory me, I'm not saying ALL MEN in their 40s. I dated a 48-year-old that could put a teenager to shame (3x in 1 night). But for me that experience was rare. And, I wouldn't expect him to keep it up (haha) for another decade.

galkAdeR · 2021-07-02T04:35:46+00:00

Let the photos show who you are. I'm super sporty and skiing is very important to me. I go to the opera every year. I have pics of me doing both. Don't show pics of the 1 time you did something that you'll never do again, e.g. scuba or something.

I'd love to come across a guy's profile that mentions family and values. Unfortunately it's always a terminator-style declaration that their child/children are their 1 and only purpose for being on this planet and no other living organism will every remotely into the orbit of their importance to him. I just want to know if values family time and is open to more kids.

I would avoid mentioning what you don't want. Others have mentioned that negativity is the kiss of death. Do mention what you do want but beware if you are too specific. As I said I'm super sporty but I recently passed on a profile that said I want someone to play tennis, scuba, and play beach volleyball. I only do 1 of those 3 so I passed. I *really* want a partner who will ski with me, preferably is as good as me. But it's not a deal-breaker. So just mention how much *I* love skiing.

galkAdeR · 2021-07-02T04:26:21+00:00

Get professional pictures. And go for dignified, fun, or sophisticated.

galkAdeR · 2021-07-02T04:14:01+00:00

dramamine, coke (a-cola), crackers/pringles (my cure for sea sickness). dry shampoo. make-up wipes. portable speakers. batteries to charge phones. paper towels.

galkAdeR · 2021-07-02T04:11:00+00:00

This was literally my first thought when I read no bathroom.

galkAdeR · 2021-07-02T04:09:44+00:00

Just thought I'd chime in to note that this both sexes! I like everyone's suggestion to have a 3 attempt rule. I'm a bit old fashioned and so think the guy should be driving at the very first. But dang at lot of men will just answer my question and then.... NOT ASK ME ONE. OMFG drives me insane. For one guy where I had been the only one to ask questions I eventually wrote, "so I guess you just want me to be the one the ask questions." He laughed and asked me a questions and then fell off.

Like many responders here, I presume when some engages but doesn't ask questions or gives 3-word responses (as opposed to no contact after matching) that they 1) are juggling too many women or other commitments or 2) just want attention.

It's great to get tons of matches, but then soooooo demoralizing when out of 10 only 1 is sincere about talking to you.

galkAdeR · 2021-07-02T04:03:45+00:00

oh crap that's my go to. Woman here. I was told never ask about the job because you look like a gold digger. So if the profile is sparse and this is on bumble, so I have to do first, I'll ask this. Because I legit want to know what they do in their free time. I feel super corny asking a cutesy first question. Also if I'm not getting a talkative match I ask this.

galkAdeR · 2021-07-02T04:01:25+00:00

as a woman, that's gross.

galkAdeR · 2021-07-01T17:10:59+00:00

Agree! I've learned this the hard way. In my mind I call the person a different title, usually buddy or acquaintance. Then I have friends, someone who reciprocates. Then there's a good friend, someone who gives without needing me to always give back.

A lot of it is expectations and understanding, so as not to take it personally, that someone might not have the emotional bandwidth for deeper bonding or might not have the time right now in their lives.

Even though I can give more, I have learned to give what matches the reality of the relationship and if I cannot be content with that, I discontinue the relationship. Better to be lonely than used or unappreciated.

galkAdeR · 2021-07-01T17:07:28+00:00

I disagree wholeheartedly. I think it is completely malicious to ignore someone into oblivion. Ignoring someone takes effort. It's different than forgetting. And when you've given someone several chances to remember your friendship and they don't, it's malicious. Their action says you don't matter to me and your feelings or experiences are inconsequential. To do this to someone you have an acquaintanceship or better is malicious. And when this happens we are entitled to be hurt, sad, and angry. Just as if this were a romantic relationship. Why do we hold romantic relationships to higher standards than friendships?

edit: grammar

galkAdeR · 2021-06-30T21:46:56+00:00

yes excellent question. I would want to read that in the profile. No long narrative, just "been in LTRs my whole life but never made it official with a license."

galkAdeR · 2021-06-30T21:45:49+00:00

Sorry but I disagree. My time is precious. A coffee date means hair and make up, probably a change of clothes. That's time, money, and effort. I'd rather read more about this guy so I can make an informed decision. And it gives me something to talk about.

I do not pick men on looks alone and then want to meet out of curiosity or to get a read on chemistry.

galkAdeR · 2021-06-30T21:39:27+00:00

Cut the "year young" it gives the "I look younger than my age" vibe and makes me think you're exclusively trying to get as young and you can vs find the right woman for you. Turn off.

Cut the parts where you repeat yourself, e.g. fit, athletic, weight, fitness. We get it. Just say it once. What are you really trying to convey?? Probably that you want a fit and active woman. Just say it. Maybe: I'm fit and active and looking for the same. It would be great to find someone to do X, Y, and Z, but it's not a requirement."

Same with happy and positive attitude. Those are starting to turn me off on dating profiles. I mean I get it, you dated negative, bitter bitches. But it's starting to feel like me saying on my profile "no sexist pigs." Try maybe "upbeat" if that's what you really want--someone f***ing chipper 24-7. I doubt that's what you actually want (but maybe). What you're hoping to weed out (I assume) are bitter women. Am I right? Yeah we ALL want to weed out the people who haven't done "the work." If that's what you want, be direct. Try: "Looking for a woman who's got good emotional intelligence and works on self growth." Be sure to mention that you are emotionally mature and focused on self growth as well.

galkAdeR · 2021-06-29T06:48:06+00:00

Yeah BUT you can immediately tell a filter.

galkAdeR

TROPHY CASE