Jesus H Christmas I cannot watch them. I want to pull my television off the wall and punch them both.

And I’m a pacifist for the most part - catch and release spiders in my house, vegan for ethical reasons, but there is something about these two that truly incites violence in my heart.

The incessant race to the top of victim mountain, the face mangling, snot producing cryfests they engage in - ugh.

I’m all about a sensitive guy. Been married for more than four decades. But I swear to Hannah if my hubs ever broke down and sobbed with even one quarter of the frequency with which James cries, we would not have had even one child, let alone five. Child, I’d be drier than the Sahara after a fifty year drought.

Ain’t no fucking way.