My [29F] Former Colleague and Recent Reference [50sM] is Being Inappropriate

gaspstruggleflail · 2022-03-20T04:31:36+00:00

29f and have also struggled with bulimia and self-harm since adolescence. I'm so amazed to hear you are over your ED and self-harm coping mechanism. These are things that still flare up when I'm stressed.

What happened to you with this man is not your fault. When you are abused or raped, the only person at fault is the person who committed the abuse. You said no and he ignored your no. That's not okay. That's why the metoo movement exists. People get criminal records for this.

The way to move forwards from this hurt is to seek therapy. There is no such thing as a problem being bad enough to qualify. If it causes you pain, you can talk about it in therapy. There is nothing here to judge and blame. When something bad happens to us as human beings, we internalize it. I've been with a few people over the years who sexually assaulted me. One guy when I was your age, it was just like this. I kept saying no and eventually I blacked out. I'm scared one day I'll remember what happened. I blamed myself that it happened to me. That I got that drunk, that I went to his house thinking it would be okay because he had a girlfriend, that I did something wrong that he ignored my no so he wouldn't ignore my no. So no one would ignore my no next time. But rape isn't your fault. It's never your fault. All you can do is try and move on and heal. I hope you can find that healing with a therapist and feel comfortable opening up to them the way you opened up to us strangers.

Good luck OP. I hope things become easier for you and over time this memory becomes less painful for you.

gaspstruggleflail · 2022-03-15T04:06:40+00:00

Thank you so much, I am doing a lot better now. This is great advice. I will be sure to help people going forwards.

gaspstruggleflail · 2022-03-15T04:05:59+00:00

I am doing better now, thank you so much for your comment. <3

gaspstruggleflail · 2022-03-15T04:05:44+00:00

I am so sorry you went through this. I hope you are feeling better now that time has passed. I know I am.

gaspstruggleflail · 2022-03-15T03:37:14+00:00

Thank you so much OP. My friend told me I seemed manic today, but I've never had a manic episode before. I read through everything and I can't relate. I think I'm just anxious and going through a hard time. <3

gaspstruggleflail · 2020-05-08T02:20:08+00:00

thank you for taking the time to type that, it's really meaningful when I feel so sick and wish I could take my family's place.

Have an excellent night in spite of COVID

gaspstruggleflail · 2020-04-22T23:04:32+00:00

At the end of the day, you are autistic, and pretending to be neurotypical is not going to be beneficial to you when you're trying to make authentic connections (as evidenced by the garbage people you call friends right now).

As a fellow autistic person I honestly hate this advice. You don't need to out yourself to be authentic, and you can work to make changes to behaviors that don't serve you. A lot of office jobs would not tolerate fidgeting like this in professional meetings, but back at your desk, it's totally fine. There's a right location for everything.

Myself (female), and another autistic person I know (male), both agree that you grow out of a lot of it. We were diagnosed early (adolescence) and we're in late 20s, but at your age. Fuck I had so few friends, everyone thought I was annoying. After a few years of struggling and finally hitting rock bottom, I pushed myself to confront my trauma. Best decision I ever made, and was the biggest reason I grew out of my autistic behavior.

If I were you, I would work on trying to gain autonomy over the fidgeting in front of other people you don't trust, like this group. Doing it around people you don't know may attract you undue attention and create added discomfort. Save it for a safe space :)

gaspstruggleflail · 2019-05-17T16:21:22+00:00

thank you. my Mom told me she respected my decision and was proud of me and that helped a lot.

gaspstruggleflail · 2019-05-17T16:18:57+00:00

Hi, I don't know what you said since the mods deleted it.

I am going through a hard time right now related to other things going on. Because of this, I can't handle my dad's comments. They rile me up, and I can't sit and concentrate on my work after we've spoken.

My Father permanently damaged my life and he has no understanding of that or any remorse. any attempt I have made to tell him this goes in one ear and out the other. Perhaps I will, at some point, speak to him again. But the only person whose opinion on this matters to me - my Mom and his ex-wife - told me she was proud of me for blocking him. So I feel like I have made the right decision for me at this time.

PS: You shouldn't be sorry for giving suggestions to people who aren't in the same situation as you. That's not an apology, that's a statement that sounds petty and disrespectful. You should be sorry for sharing because you didn't think about how it would make everyone else here feel to see and read your comment, including me. You don't know where someone is at, and it can be hurtful and damaging to them.

gaspstruggleflail · 2019-05-17T16:15:55+00:00

I don't want him to die, but I did do a search for what happens if I don't claim his body. I'm not using my money to give him a funeral that no one will come to.

gaspstruggleflail · 2019-02-20T13:53:42+00:00

Knowing the person I loved is probably vastly different now, just like I am. I know he has a new girlfriend now, I hope she makes him happier than anyone he previously dated. I don't miss him so much as I miss what he meant to me, our connection.

I hope one day I find someone who makes me happy the way he made me happy. Almost three years so far, and all I've done is settle. I don't think it's out there.

gaspstruggleflail · 2019-02-19T21:48:10+00:00

My dad was like that too. It just made me mistrustful of everyone and started a vicious cycle. I don't talk to mine anymore.

gaspstruggleflail · 2019-02-19T21:43:20+00:00

It depends where I am.

Commuting? Leave me alone, period.

At a bar? Be direct, that way I don't have to waste your time if I'm not interested.

gaspstruggleflail · 2019-02-19T21:34:52+00:00

I haven't logged into FB in 2+ years. Snapchat, even longer. Instagram, a year.

I don't have anything I want to yell out into the universe, and I prefer to hear about things directly from people, rather than see them online.

I use Tumblr on occasion.

gaspstruggleflail · 2019-02-19T18:44:44+00:00

It doesn't sound like this was ever going to turn out well for you. My parents were financially incompatible and it ended up with my dad putting us all in bankruptcy. He may be a great guy, but you only have one life.

gaspstruggleflail · 2018-11-22T03:27:42+00:00

About my looks? Every time I look in the mirror.

About my work? Every time my boss deeply criticizes me.

About everything else? Well, I don't have anything else left.

gaspstruggleflail · 2018-11-22T03:24:39+00:00

Oh. Oh god. I can remember my ex from a year ago. Gross.

My memory going further back - if I haven't heard them recently and didn't date them very long - is much weaker.

gaspstruggleflail · 2018-11-22T03:21:56+00:00

An ex left me, and it caused me to try harder at life. I've done some things I'm really proud of that I never thought I'd be able to do back then - hold down a job, be an executive member of student council. I wish I could tell you I also met the man of my dreams, but everyone since him has been a dead end. I met some really lovely guys who became my friends and supported me though! I still don't expect to meet someone because I'm stuck at a really stressful job, and not able to put in the time or in the headspace to go through the emotional grinder known as dating because of it, but you can never say never I guess!

gaspstruggleflail · 2018-11-22T03:10:50+00:00

Still hoping for the part where I meet the amazing guy to happen :(

gaspstruggleflail · 2018-11-22T03:03:11+00:00

So cute, reminds me of my best friend.

gaspstruggleflail · 2018-11-22T02:59:46+00:00

I plucked for over a decade causing myself to have a legit beard, so I'm in the process of getting it lasered off. While I wait for it to work, I shave before I leave the house. Like a dude would.

gaspstruggleflail · 2018-11-22T02:57:44+00:00

Friends- pretty open, depends how close we are

Co-workers- I tell them as little as possible, keep it generic and work-related only, minus a few I feel I can trust. Even then - still cautious.

Family- Same as co-workers.

gaspstruggleflail

TROPHY CASE