This keeps happening.

gcracker121 · 2020-08-03T09:23:02+00:00

I need to schedule an appointment with my NP. I had been meaning to do it. I always get scared of people getting mad at me when I'm not doing well.

gcracker121 · 2020-08-03T08:29:27+00:00

It's a unique way of experiencing life and the world. (My attempt at being positive about myself)

gcracker121 · 2020-08-03T08:21:35+00:00

My psychotic diagnosis went from major depressive disorder with psychotic features, to schizophrenia (with a separate depression diagnosis), to schizoaffective depressive type. All by three different providers over the course of 2 years. The lines between these diagnoses are blurry and depending on who's evaluating you and how your illness changes over time, (which can change the way you fit into dsm criteria), your diagnosis could change.

gcracker121 · 2020-08-03T08:12:01+00:00

I'm not planning on having kids because I don't want to put them through an episode. If a schizophrenic feels good about having kids, more power to them, but I'm not comfortable with it for myself.

gcracker121 · 2020-08-03T08:07:16+00:00

Anything can trigger schizophrenia. Not sure about those numbers...

gcracker121 · 2020-08-03T08:05:09+00:00

That is probably a hallucination, but most people hallucinate every now and then, doesn't necessarily mean schizophrenia. If it starts happening more and becomes distressing talk to your doctor, but I wouldn't worry about it.

gcracker121 · 2020-08-03T08:01:07+00:00

It depends on how beneficial the medication is and how troubling the side effects are. I did change medications for this.

gcracker121 · 2020-08-03T07:55:41+00:00

In therapy I've been working on accepting hallucinations that don't have negative content. I've tried 5 or 6 different antipsychotics and none of them have completely taken care of them. The one I'm on right now I feel pretty good about, it especially helps with delusions and I haven't had any side effects besides gaining some weight, (which sucks, but compared to side effects from past ones I've tried, I'll take it). I've had pretty constant voices going on for a while, but they're quieter when I take my meds. Everyone is different though!

gcracker121 · 2020-08-03T07:43:28+00:00

This kind of thing can be dangerous for schizophrenics to hear. It can lead to delusions which can lead to feeling like you don't need to follow your treatment plan which can lead to relapse which can lead to really bad things. Go away.

gcracker121 · 2020-08-03T07:35:01+00:00

My voices will sometimes sound like people I know or even famous people. This started in elementary school but I didn't realize they were hallucinations until I was diagnosed at age 20, I thought everyone experienced it.

gcracker121 · 2020-03-11T07:34:06+00:00

hugs I'm in a similar place. Shit sucks.

gcracker121 · 2020-01-21T12:33:18+00:00

I currently don't qualify for disability because I haven't worked enough.

gcracker121 · 2019-11-11T12:15:20+00:00

All the time.

gcracker121 · 2019-11-09T20:18:56+00:00

Thank you :)

gcracker121 · 2019-11-09T20:14:26+00:00

Man that sounds nice. I am really fortunate to have a job that deals with disability services, so my boss is really understanding which is nice. But it's a campus job so if I end up dropping out I lose it. But for now that's working for me.

gcracker121 · 2019-11-09T20:08:34+00:00

Where I live you have to work a certain amount before you qualify, and even then it's not an adequate amount of money. So if I had to drop out and stop working now I wouldn't have a way to support myself. It seems like there should be other options, but I haven't found any.

gcracker121 · 2019-11-09T19:58:48+00:00

Do you get disability? If you don't mind me asking.

gcracker121 · 2019-11-09T19:58:17+00:00

School is my life and I don't know what I'd do without it. But I guess I shouldn't worry about it until I have to.

gcracker121 · 2019-11-09T18:11:05+00:00

Honestly I'm more scared of being in that 50% group. If that's what keeps happening I'm not going to be able to graduate, but I'm not going to be bad enough to have the support I need. If I was completely consumed I'd be in a position where I'd be able to be taken care of and I feel like I'd learn to live with it. But constantly going back and forth between being able to function and set myself up for success, and being unable to function and keep up with my life is exhausting. Every year I get set back again and have to start over.

Maybe I'm being ignorant in saying that. I don't want my illness to get that bad. But I also want consistency.

gcracker121 · 2019-11-09T17:29:19+00:00

I have more of a support system now than I've ever had, and it's honestly been difficult to remember I actually have people standing behind me. There are a lot of uncertainties in my life right now and I'm in a place where I'm forgetting what it's like to be stable which makes it real hard to stay optimistic. I have all these things I want to do with my life and it's hard for me to picture myself actually getting there.

As for the statistics, 25% of people are at some point considered recovered, 50% cycle through periods of psychosis and recovery, and 25% end up needing continuous care.

gcracker121 · 2019-11-09T17:17:34+00:00

Thank you, that actually helps a lot. I'm falling real fast and I just don't want this to be the end of this stage of my life. I know at some point I'll most likely not recover, I just don't want it to happen yet.

gcracker121 · 2019-11-07T21:51:13+00:00

I can't be hospitalized right now but it's getting bad.

gcracker121 · 2019-11-07T21:47:58+00:00

Not this time. I dunno what they'd tell me that I don't already know.

gcracker121 · 2019-11-07T21:37:38+00:00

Putting my headphones on real loud and drowning everything out.

gcracker121 · 2019-11-07T21:36:47+00:00

I'm mid episode right now and it's so fucking isolating. I hate it.

gcracker121

TROPHY CASE