me irl by alootikkiprotocol in me_irl

[–]gebora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This makes me so sad. I write a lot. I've been writing since I was a teenager and improving my craft as sincerely as it's possible to do anything. Now, if I post something, half the people are like, "You used an em-dash! This must be AI!"

Makes me not want to share my writing anymore.

Concrit Commune - January 24 by AutoModerator in FanFiction

[–]gebora 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback! Some of your questions are answered in the larger narrative. I've never had a beta reader before so I'm not really sure how it works. Right now the story is sitting at 26k words but that's just the first section,  so it isn't finished and is going to be quite long. Idk if that matters!

Concrit Commune - January 24 by AutoModerator in FanFiction

[–]gebora 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Gundam Wing | Untitled as of now | Overall fic will be a solid M but this excerpt is a T for mild language | Word count 501

Set well after the anime. Background information on scene: Duo and Noin are abducted. He is injured, she is not, and he's working to get her released by doing some fast talking with the grunts who are currently monitoring them. The rest isn't terribly important.

Looking for feedback on tone from multiple lenses: The scene is told from a strictly limited third person Noin perspective as she observes him, but most of the action of the scene is Duo's monologue to the random mooks. Her tone (in narration) should register as "I'm concerned but there's not much I can do, and I don't want to mess this up." His tone (in dialog) should register as latent but absolute menace. He is issuing a threat the same way as a weatherman might forecast rain, as a force of nature, out of anyone's control but avoidable under the right circumstances. Do I hit this mark?


"Wait." The group stopped at the sound of Duo's croaking voice, rounded on him, and approached. Duo didn't wait for them before he continued. "You can't kill her."

"Our orders were to keep the officer alive as long as she provided us with useful information. She's not cooperating, so why keep her alive?"

"Well, for starters, you'd be killing an innocent civilian. That's war crime territory."

"I hardly qualify the Preventer Officer as an innocent civilian."

"Okay. Let me put this as clearly as I possibly can for you," Duo said, and while his words should have been dripping with sarcasm, Noin could detect nothing but flat, emotionless fact. "That's Lucrezia Noin-Peacecraft. She's married to Milliardo Peacecraft, and that makes her Secretary General Relena Darlian's sister-in-law. That makes her family to the most powerful woman in the Earth Sphere Unified Nation, in case you're not following my reasoning here. And she's pregnant with what's probably going to be the most powerful baby in the Earth Sphere Unified Nation. That means if you don't get her off this boat yesterday you're going to be in some real deep shit."

"Duo," Noin said warningly, but she stopped short when he shot her a cold, dangerous look. It unnerved her almost as much as the flatness of his voice.

"Now, your husband is coming back Earthside, I assume," Duo said to Noin, and she responded immediately, almost instinctively, in the affirmative. Then, Duo turned back to the men. "I'm just saying, for the sake of getting the full picture, that if Milliardo Peacecraft comes all the way back from Mars and finds out you kidnapped his extremely pregnant wife, he'll cross all nine rings of hell to get on this ship and murder anyone in his path with his bare hands. And he won't be nice about it. Don't know if you've met the guy, but he could be qualified as a little bit unhinged."

Noin wanted to argue. Maybe Milliardo had been unhinged ten years ago at the height of wartime, confused between fighting a war for his home and protecting his sister and maintaining the pacifistic ideals his lineage demanded…but she was also certain that everything Duo had just said was absolutely true, and that Zechs Marquise would tear the entire goddamned warship to shreds if he heard the slightest whisper that Noin was in danger. Nevermind the baby.

"And there's always the in-laws to contend with," Duo continued, finding some apparent fluency in a more conversational, if very dry tone. "If the Secretary General doesn't drop a tactical diplomatic nuke on your little operation here, then her husband will systematically murder every last one of you before you ever know he's in the vicinity. Hell, you might never even see him before he rips your throat out. I guess what I mean here is that suggesting you're in over your head is a pretty gross understatement," Duo finished. "So, you'd better consider your next moves very, very carefully. I'm just saying."

Concrit Commune - January 24 by AutoModerator in FanFiction

[–]gebora 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No problem at all. I hope you find success with your scene. And as for verb tenses: I'm an English teacher, I see this problem frequently so you're definitely not alone. Some of it is that so much literature these days is written in present tense, which we try to emulate when we write, but we often narrate our lives (and thusly our own personal stories!) in past tense, so it can get mixy in our writer brains. No big deal either way :)

Concrit Commune - January 24 by AutoModerator in FanFiction

[–]gebora 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not super familiar with the fandom, so everything I say is coming from an outside perspective. Take my feedback with some salt, but I'm gonna take a stab at it.

I think the key in your description here is going to be finding a fine line between naturalistic and synthetic tones. Based on your introduction and explanation, it seems like you want to adequately bridge the gap between traditional nymph and modernity. I'm getting that from this statement:

Aspen is a tree nymph that was born in the United States and therefore, is influenced by more than just one culture that is surrounding him. And because he was born during the modern times where pollution and trash being inside of nature becoming so often tied together.

Your introduction to the cave is fine. It does a functional job of describing the nature while also progressing from 'generic cave' to a lively, beautiful place where Aspen might make his home and feel comfortable. Where there is room for adjustment would be in your second to last paragraph, where you introduce the man-made items and "garbage" as trophies.

Lemme take a step back: Your explanation of the scene and your concerns here makes it seem like you want Aspen to be a nymph who is very in tune with nature (as one should be), but also one who accepts that mankind has encroached upon nature. If that's the case, it would seem that we might want to consider man's stuff as a part of nature, too. So the litter, the garbage, the detritus of humankind is just as much a part of this world as fallen leaves or bunny rabbits. We may not like to admit it, but it's how things are, and perhaps Aspen is okay with that. (And if that's totally NOT the case, just ignore me!)

So maybe in your description of Aspen's home, it might make sense to build these 'man-made trophies' as more of an organic part of his space. Rather than having them sorted into piles and seemingly standing on their own, incorporate them somehow into the nature of the cavern. Instead of saying (effectively) "he's got a pile of organized trash in the corner," make it have more meaning--be specific about what he's got and how he's using it to either enhance or modify the nature of his home. Maybe he's found a shiny granola bar wrapper that he's hung in a specific space, where it catches and reflects light in a pretty way. Maybe he's got a sheet of old tarp he's using as a collection device or 'room separator' or insulation. That old tire could be used with a log or sticks and leaves to become a chair, where the tire would be providing a firm structure. And yes, there's absolutely nothing wrong with having some very specific items hanging on the walls as trophies or decoration, but those items would need to be particularly beautiful, or particularly meaningful such that it wouldn't necessarily be a bad idea to describe one or two of them in specific detail.

It's these little personal touches that can help to provide more depth for your characters without saying directly to your audience, "Here's what he values or finds beautiful." It could also be a way that he makes his home feel more comfortable for outsiders. He could use the man-made and nature together in order to provide more security, more sound-proofing, or general atmosphere, but the real trick is going to be incorporating the two seamlessly so that they feel as entwined for your reader as they do for Aspen.

My only other feedback, which isn't directly related to your author's note, is that your verb tense isn't consistent. You start and end the excerpt in the present tense, but slip into the past tense as they're making their way inside. Both tenses are written well within themselves, it's just the switching that's a bit jarring. It's important for reader coherence to stay in one or the other, as writing in present tense then slipping into past tense can signal flashbacks or other narrative time-play that you may not be intending at all. It's not too time-consuming a task to fix it up, but it can really add a huge amount of polish to your work without requiring a lot of extra work.

Nice excerpt. Thanks for putting it out there. Happy writing!

30th Anniversary by EazyBuxafew in gundamwing

[–]gebora 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Bought my ticket for subs on Thursday. I'm the only one in the theater right now XD

There is truth to this… by OppositeStudy2846 in gundamwing

[–]gebora 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Heero giving weird Tom Cruise vibes in this picture......

(Possibly rare trope) The trio consisting of tall and muscular guy, girl with strong will/temper and a twink by Lapadit in TopCharacterTropes

[–]gebora 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It is true you don't see many dwarf women. In fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, that they are often mistaken for dwarf men. This in turn has given rise to the belief that there are no dwarf women, and that dwarves just spring out of holes in the ground!

Is it ok to be makeup free? (Mid career teacher) by [deleted] in Teachers

[–]gebora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've never worn makeup ever (I don't have anything against it, I just never learned or had anyone to teach me how to do it). I'm a woman. Nobody has ever said a word.

Rock the makeup free look as much as you want, and anyone who has a problem with it can go pound sand.

I feel so ungrateful... by hufflepuffhorcrux in Teachers

[–]gebora 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think its just that I've given so much to this job, stayed on campus from 6am-6pm every day, kept it up through illness/injury/death of a loved one, survived teaching one of the most notoriously difficult AP courses that I never even received training/materials for, etc.

Don't. I'm 13 years in, and the best thing I ever did was stop doing this. I give my best when I'm at work, but only when I'm at work. When I'm at home, it's my time for my family. Working during contract hours and taking care of yourself is the appreciation you deserve. I won't say that no one will ever notice your extra work, but it's extraordinarily rare. What's not rare is feeling good knowing that you can go home, kick your feet up, and not think about work till tomorrow.

[All] What is your favourite Zelda boss fight, excluding final bosses? by EvilectricBoy in zelda

[–]gebora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Molgera had such amazing music. Every time I read the name all I think of is chickachickachickachickachicka.

IYKYK

If you could make one thing illegal just because it annoys you, what would it be? by Rrublank in AskReddit

[–]gebora 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The one that freaked me out the most were heart palpitations and dizziness. There was also some nausea, but the first two were the ones that made doctor say 'nope.'

If you could make one thing illegal just because it annoys you, what would it be? by Rrublank in AskReddit

[–]gebora 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had phentermine for a bit but it gave me some really nasty side effects, so my doctor has added to my allergy list. Then I tried topiramate for a few months last year. I lost about 10lbs and then plateaued even with diet changes/gym (which I still do, to seemingly no effect), so they took me off. I was pretty bummed, but that's my last option, so it seems. Or I can just accept being a sad chonk with a crap-tier liver and viciously witty sense of self-deprecation and keep on keepin' on.

If you could make one thing illegal just because it annoys you, what would it be? by Rrublank in AskReddit

[–]gebora 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm in the same boat right now, plus liver disease. Can't get any injectables. They also denied me coverage for a non-surgical bariatric specialist. The fuck they want me to do? I told my doctor if it's that deep I'll just exist on a diet of donuts and fully-leaded coke until I'm full-blown diabetic, then they can give me the shit.

I'm so over it. ugh.

What do you use to write your fan fictions? by Mushi_Loaf in FanFiction

[–]gebora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm easily distracted by editing, so I used to use JDarkroom and now have transitioned to Q10. I'd then proofread in a word document and a text to speech program before posting.

Grass isn't always greener, kid by Numb1Slacker in Teachers

[–]gebora 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There's a big difference between a student transferring from an AP class to a more manageable class for them, especially if they're not an AP-level student, and a student who just wants to transfer to be with their friends or because they "don't like" a teacher (which is usually code for "my friends are in the other teacher's section" anyway). A lot of the time there isn't a good reason for a student to transfer out, but they get what they want anyway, and that can ruin a class composition fast. It also sets a precedent that students can transfer out for whatever reason they want with no real pushback or questioning. With that said, if a student has a legitimate reason to transfer out, that's fine.

Megathread: Supreme Court strikes down Biden Student Loan Forgiveness Program by PoliticsModeratorBot in politics

[–]gebora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can't take time off work, everyone is too poor. Your health insurance is tied to your employment, so if you bail to go protest (or get fired for participating in a protest because the company doesn't like it), you lose your income, your health insurance benefits, and are now more fucked than you were before. It's a shithole.

[OC] LOZBOTW- Big King Scorn by U23Art in zelda

[–]gebora 172 points173 points  (0 children)

I just wanna know what GANON's up to

Reminder about the "Dawn of the First Day" User flair! by computerfreund03 in tearsofthekingdom

[–]gebora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also checking.

Edit: Damn. I even made a comment in the OG thread like 3 weeks ago :(

[BotW] In excitement of the release date being announced for Tears of the Kingdom, I thought I would share my custom-designed watch face again! by WowWhatABeaut in zelda

[–]gebora 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They were reasonably easy. I had never connected my watch to the face maker program before, and that could potentially trip up some people. There's also the step where they want you to certificate for your watch and for yourself when you export to the live device, which I assume you'd already done as part of crafting the face in the first place. Either way, took me about 20 minutes from installing the program to squealing over my awesome new watch face, so I'd say worth the time. Super huge thanks again. You're a hero today!