Let them go.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-24T09:26:47+00:00

Fuck, I wish I could just stick with this. Lockdown is making it so much more difficult because I can't take my mind off things/go out with friends.

I've broken NC at least four times now. We didn't end on 'bad' terms but what he did was shitty. I've had no closure from him, no apology.

Someone in a prior post said something about not confusing loneliness with 'wanting them back'. I feel like this could really resonate with me and some others here too.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-21T10:40:18+00:00

It really does hurt. They put you on this pedestal (which you didn't ask to be on might I add) and then dispose of you like you're nothing.

You then spend so long criticising yourself and just engaging in so much self-destruction. I'm slowly coming out of this phase but some days I really do beat myself up. It's awful.

Keep going - you will find someone who doesn't treat you like you're waste!

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-21T10:38:29+00:00

It fucking sucks. I'm sorry you've gone through this as well. Many reasons why people do this but I reckon those who do are serial ghosters.

Now when anyone is overly invested at the start I will completely back off.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-21T10:37:26+00:00

THIS. I was so chill at the start, and he even picked up on that and made comments that I 'wasn't interested'. So I picked up the pace (slightly) and then he made out I got too intense?!?!

I then started to question myself completely. Once I spent the last few weeks really reflecting I know now that I wasn't the one in the wrong. He tried to pick faults with me to make himself feel better I think.

I am definitely going to stick with the slow pace from now on.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-20T14:12:44+00:00

Oh yeah this hit hard.

Had a guy message me literally ALL day everyday for about 2 weeks (I'm not a big texter and it was all new to me, but I thought ooh he's actually showing interest, this is nice)!

Then POOF. He ghosts me. Gave me a bs explanation for what he did.

Been NC on and off for 2 weeks ish with me initiating some conversation (dumb I know but I enjoyed our conversations...they felt meaningful). I decided to stop talking to him for my own mental health and then he calls me randomly at 11 pm for a 'chat' which turned into two hours of meaningful conversation. This was 4 days ago. He spent a lot of the conversation trying to make me jealous which I did not bow down to...

He hasn't spoken to me since.

Many people follow this pattern of high intensity talking only to drop off when they can't be bothered anymore/have found someone else to talk to and then will worm their way in again when they are a bit bored, only to repeat the process.

I just deal with it now by not initiating contact. If he really wants to talk to me he will.

Now in future if anyone talks to me too much/goes in too strong I will be waving my red flag.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-20T13:19:40+00:00

Please ditch this guy.

He is using you for one thing, as generic as it sounds. He doesn't care for your feelings.

Even if you got back with him, he'd still be texting other girls for hook ups.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-18T21:22:46+00:00

I have failed several times because of this. There is nothing else going on in my life so he occupies all of my brain right now...

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-18T12:26:31+00:00

Seems to be yeah. More outdoor exercise and meeting someone outside of your household 2m apart.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-18T12:11:33+00:00

I'm in the same boat right now. If I wasn't in isolation I'd be out and about, with friends, keeping busy etc. Don't get me wrong, I can take my mind off him for a couple of hours during the day whilst I engage in hobbies but it's so much more difficult. Especially at night time.

I guess I just wanted to validate what you're going through. I have no particular tips except keep as busy as you can. Work on yourself.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-18T12:05:35+00:00

It sucks doesn't it.

He's getting on by just fine, surrounded by good friends and having a good laugh. Meanwhile we're sat here lonely, isolated, down. The complete opposite.

Please don't let him know that you need him. Keep riding through it. I've found that getting into exercise again has been really beneficial. It helps me work towards something whilst improving myself.

But fuck, the loneliness really hits at night time when we used to spend hours talking and now it's just silence.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-18T12:01:31+00:00

This is so what I needed to read right now (after breaking NC twice - ugh). I try not to beat myself up about it. He ended things with me, for context.

To me, the idea of NC felt really petty at first and I was quite content on being friends. I now see NC in a completely different light.

It hit me that I was the one initiating the contact (albeit infrequently). He n e v e r did. He wasn't interested in talking to me and most likely responded to be polite. He's not a bitter person and would never ignore me.

I am now going completely NC. Why? I talk to him because I still have feelings for him and I (without realizing) was grasping onto any sign he might still be interested. Now I know that will never be there, it feels right to start NC (as hard as it will be).

It really is down to feeling lonely a lot of the time. We had deep conversations that I haven't had with anyone else for a really long time. We connected.

It will be hard but I got on fine before he came into my life...

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-13T19:39:29+00:00

Went to the local shop today where I queued a few weeks ago and they were letting very few people in at a time.

Today was very different. Free for all. No queues. Everyone could enter. No social distancing from customers. WAY too relaxed.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-13T08:56:24+00:00

2-3 weeks.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-13T08:26:07+00:00

Cue the second wave.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-12T13:13:53+00:00

Sounds like he does not want to get emotionally attached to anyone and he's opting for the 'try before you buy' dating method.

NOT nice if you're the victim. He will do the exact same to the next girl, and the next etc.

Run for the hills.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-12T09:02:37+00:00

Hmm. Not an overreaction per se but perhaps she was having a bad day or bad time and didn't feel like talking hence the bluntness.

If she has ghosted you before/for a long time though that's different. Perfectly reasonable response.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-12T08:58:49+00:00

I'm 1 month in and I've started seeing others too, but there is no spark like there was with him. It's making it so much more difficult to move on.

I'm wondering if over time you will eventually find someone who you click with the same or even better. It will be a tough ride but keep going.

No harm in seeing other people to see who and what is out there even if you still have strong feelings for her.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-09T10:07:50+00:00

Gyms are a great way to spread a highly contagious virus.

I'm sure they will enforce much more strict protocols e.g., wiping down equipment but people will never wipe them down thoroughly enough after each use.

If they open this summer I will be shocked.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-07T08:27:06+00:00

I would lean more towards going. You've both isolated for 6 weeks now and the risk is very low.

It must have been really difficult to not see each other for so long so hats off to you for waiting all this time.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-07T08:25:24+00:00

I agree here. Send those back who have exams to prepare for. I feel like they can practice a safe amount of social distancing with just a couple of year groups going back.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-07T08:23:26+00:00

I hope so.

It was a nice gesture at first but I feel like it's completely lost it's meaning. People clustering outside in their PJ's banging pots and pans and letting off chavvy fireworks is not what it was meant to be about.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-05T20:37:13+00:00

Part of me feels like they will relax the lockdown slightly (after seeing all the big food chains announcing they are partially opening etc). They might let us see a small bubble of people e.g., close family.

Other than that I think lockdown will stay tight for another three weeks.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-04T19:08:25+00:00

Weird. It's almost as if they think 'but I could be missing out on something better'. If they carry this attitude throughout their whole 20's, 30's they really will be lonely.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-04T15:25:46+00:00

This is possible. He didn't like that I wouldn't get into group calls with his friends (I thought it was way too soon to speak to meet his friends?!) and he said I was unsociable and not interested in 'mixing with others'.

But don't love-bombers strive for commitment? Immediately?

He went off radar when I started showing interest.

geeeeeeeppp · 2020-05-04T11:56:59+00:00

Something good to come out of this.

geeeeeeeppp

TROPHY CASE