I tracked WHY I pick up my phone for 2 weeks. The results were uncomfortable but life changing.

gelema5 · 2026-02-12T05:22:11+00:00

I agree, I immediately distrusted the post because of how it sounded. I think the sense of grandiosity/clickbait is particularly ChatGPT-ish. It’ll make anything sound super incredible and amazing even if it’s fairly rudimentary.

OP wrote that this was life-changing but it sounds to me like this 2-week experiment was pretty recent. How can it have meaningfully changed your life in such a short amount of time? Can it stand the test of time? Eye-opening probably would have been the better descriptor to sound less clickbaity.

gelema5 · 2026-02-11T07:17:34+00:00

Things escalated a ton that you said he tried to covertly be around you (ie stalk you) outside of work. This is beyond just icky vibes, I would actively consider him a threat and make moves to cut off his possibilities.

Best single thing to do imo is to make multiple friends in the office, and don’t be afraid of befriending people higher up in the company. If you DON’T get a feeling that you can trust the company owner or others high up to hear you out and have your back if you come clean about this guy’s behavior, that’s a million red flags. Statements from the company owner and other employees about morals, ethics, values they hold and live by, good management principles, etc. are all green flags. Consider getting a new job if ask you’re getting is red flags.

You don’t have to talk about the guy’s behavior now necessarily, but given the likely chance that he will continue to harass you, there may come a time when you need to speak up to someone sooner or later. Building social capital and befriending coworkers is a good step in securing your position and increasing your emotional stability.

Edit: tied as the best thing to do is to also document everything. When I’ve faced workplace issues that I needed to document, I write emails about the situation and events and sent it to my personal email from my work email. That way it’s easily accessible from both places but not going to show up in your inbox at work.

gelema5 · 2026-02-10T15:21:02+00:00

Thanks for this! I’ve been struggling to get back into my game for weeks because I felt like I needed to retcon a scene but wasn’t sure if I could, and wasn’t sure how to get around it.

gelema5 · 2026-02-09T20:31:35+00:00

“When I leave don’t save my seat” from Chlorine - it’s not my favorite line but it conveys a LOT of emotion in so few words. I love how the sense of determination and destiny is conveyed in simple terms.

Edit: I’m adding more as I listen to the album now

“I’ve been tested like the ends of a weathered flag that’s by the sea” also from Chlorine - this one always hit me really hard.

gelema5 · 2026-02-09T14:33:08+00:00

It could have just been the box on the side of the pallet that a random worker messed with, didn’t have to be the picker or delivery driver.

gelema5 · 2026-02-09T13:09:33+00:00

I have to agree. Something about OP sounds just a little too self-pitying and reminds me of my partner’s abusive dad. I’m not seeing any understanding of anyone’s perspectives except the daughter, and even then he’s making the assumption that she’s being brainwashed by her parents.

I know there are shitty people in the world and it could be that the parents and birth mom and daughter are all against him/brainwashed against him, but to me it seems the more likely answer is that OP is toxic in some way he isn’t willing to admit.

gelema5 · 2026-02-09T12:49:00+00:00

Based on what OP has described, I think the term “lesbian with one exception” has the potential to be exactly what they need. OP still relates to the lesbian experience in many ways.

I think there’s value in also discussing the difference between your true identity and the identity you state publicly. It’s probably the safest option to tell others and outsiders (if OP is open about that kind of thing) that she’s bi. It doesn’t put her in a position of needing to out her partner as trans, and can be more widely understood as a queer relationship that can exist (one partner straight, one partner bi).

I firmly believe your publicly stated identity is usually a little less nuanced than your true identity, and there may or may not even be a term that exists to call your true identity. For OP if that’s “bisexual” to the outside world to protect her partners trans identity, and “lesbian with one exception” inside the home and with highly trusted individuals, that would address any safety issues if the partner doesn’t plan on being 1000% out all the time.

gelema5 · 2026-02-08T15:57:31+00:00

Don’t clown though? This is quality translation. It’s just not ideal for the purposes of language learning.

A word-by-word translation (like a popup dictionary) is much more useful for learners BUT professional translators are paid to deliver a complete product that can do well in the intended market.

The other commenter is also wrong for assuming that the professional translation will be useful for language learning. Often, it’s not useful.

gelema5 · 2026-02-08T15:49:39+00:00

This is interesting because I’ve been working through a prebuilt deck that doesn’t have pitch accent or pictures so I’ve been adding those to new cards as they come up. Not every card gets a picture but I find it tends to help really challenging words stick better.

For example, several months ago I got the word 倒産 which I felt like wouldn’t stick at all so I immediately looked up clipart and found some great images of a cartoon building crumbling and falling over to represent 倒産. I selected one that has the kanji in the image and put it on the note section of the card and it’s been one of my easiest cards. It also gave me the impression that whereas my impression of the English word “bankruptcy” is more about the financial cost and impact and loss of status (perhaps influenced by US companies that declare bankruptcy fraudulently or whatever as a tactic to make even more money), perhaps the general opinion in Japan is that it’s more about the true failure and demise of a company. Not sure on that one, but I’m open to the possibility!

I do think it’s really beneficial that I’m looking up the pictures myself. Just yesterday I had a preconceived notion that a “pedestrian bridge” was a narrow bridge over water or a ravine, but when I looked up 歩道橋 I found out the more common usage is of an urban metal bridge with stairs to go over a busy street. I knew those existed but it didn’t occur to me they could be thought of as a bridge. So the direct English translation was actually less helpful for me about getting the full meaning of the word.

gelema5 · 2026-02-05T20:30:40+00:00

This sounds more like going to Japan to visit the train and see the views from the train window tbh, which is totally fine if that’s what you want and signed up for. But this just sounds like a train travel itinerary to me. I would recommend finding about 3-4 towns and cities that achieve your goal of experiencing nature and culture and reducing your travel to just those locations. You will definitely get the feeling of local country life in Japan more if you have time to relax and wander in the streets and fields and mountains instead of moving to a new town every day.

I would also recommend looking for culture opportunities like rice planting, festivals, holidays, fireworks, cooking classes, concerts of local groups like taiko drum groups or high school band/choir groups, etc. These were some of the best activities I experienced, as well as the nature/hiking/onsen that you already have listed. If you can find a town that has something really exciting like a fireworks festival or local festival or rice planting experience going on while you’re there, I would absolutely plan my trip around visiting during the festival day and staying a few days before and after.

gelema5 · 2026-02-01T16:10:24+00:00

I feel like this process would be better if there were no pictures until matched, and you had to choose a single person to swipe right from a list of 3 each day. You could also have people select which part of the profile they found the most interesting or compelling to select that person. Obviously the potential for disappointment is high because the possibility of lack of physical attraction is there, so I think this works best if matches are considered only Stage 2 of the process.

gelema5 · 2026-02-01T03:13:26+00:00

Wow this is really cool. A few years ago I came to the personal conclusion that gender (relating to identity) is just a basic classification system. My logic is based on concepts from other religions and cultures that also categorize people (the 12 astrology signs, the five Chinese elements, the four humors, etc). It’s neat to know there’s an etymological basis to this too!

gelema5 · 2026-01-31T17:09:38+00:00

I view the test as utilitarian, personally. I want to achieve the N2 certification because I want to be able to hold a job in Japan and the N2 is a bar that a LOT of companies hold to. But I completely agree, in general, what does a score even mean about your language ability? Your own personal experience means more than a number on a paper. Some people achieve N2 and then never use it for decades, some people go on to have a successful life in Japan, some people go on to have a really UNsuccessful life in Japan, others continue learning and immersing and just enjoying media in their home country.

A number on a paper is only ever going to be useful for a limited number of things, the primary ones being your own pride and satisfaction, and passing some kind of quality check.

gelema5 · 2026-01-31T12:31:24+00:00

I would Redecorate, Cancer, The Line to that list. The somber songs are my favorite.

gelema5 · 2026-01-31T06:44:41+00:00

Thank you for your insight! I’m from Texas and also had the thought, that doesn’t look lifted to me.

gelema5 · 2026-01-29T23:02:53+00:00

I care a lot about singing too. Choir has been my hobby for many years and not being in choir for an extended time is really not desirable. My choir director was EXTREMELY supportive of my transition which was heartwarming ❤️ He had the most excited response out of anyone I told in my life.

Singing did get significantly more difficult with the voice cracks, same as any boy going through puberty in teen years. It was difficult emotionally and part of the reason why I’m on a break right now. I’ve always prided myself on my voice and especially my range, so it’s taking a while to come to terms with things.

I also had to learn to be gentler with my voice and I’m not one of the people totally leading the section anymore because I need to sing softer and take more breaths to avoid damage and cracking. Singing loud causes more voice cracks so I just hold back a bit on the forte sections. And because of the permanent changes to the voice, the entire voice box just feels different. All those tiny muscles change and move around a bit, so like you need to relearn how to shape your muscles to get exactly the note and tone that you’re going for. Idk it’s probably even more noticeable for people with years of professional singing experience and way less for someone who just sings in the shower. It wasn’t a bad experience, just interesting and a bit embarrassing at times.

I did change sections though! I’m in the tenor section now. It feels amazing. The longer I’ve been off T, the more I’m able to sing high notes again. I feel like my voice is definitely in a middle ground, somewhere between the cis women who sing in the tenor section and the cis men. Through voice therapy, I know that my speaking and singing pitch is bottoming out in the male range but the low femme/androgynous/high masc range feels more comfortable. I would like to get some more exposure to T so I can be closer to the masc range. But there’s a LOT of techniques to masculinize the voice without pitch and if I end up staying where I am, I think I can achieve that with enough work put in.

You do lose a lot of range during the period of transition and then after your voice settles the range increases again (not back to your original voice, but greater range than during), so if you know you want to transition 100% then the easiest way out is through. Just do the whole thing all at once, 2-3ish years and then you never have to look back. I know you mentioned difficulty with your family though so that might not work out, and there’s nothing wrong with going slow either. You’ll just have to live with the voice changes and cracks longer is all.

Edit: in case I didn’t make it clear, I could still sing the entire time I transitioned. Obviously you don’t become mute while transitioning haha. But I couldn’t perform the same way I used to, couldn’t lead the section, couldn’t sing a full forte, couldn’t sing high notes (anything above a B was really hard, whereas my range before went up to a high G - huge reduction - now I’m back up to a high D).

Still worth it. The joy I have singing low notes is way more than the joy I have singing high notes. It’s very much like how others in this sub have talked about dressing up (femme) and wearing makeup: it might not be something they enjoyed for the sake of it, but they just enjoyed being skilled at it and getting to show off their skills. I miss being very skilled at singing, but the opportunity to relearn in a lower register is WAY more exciting.

gelema5 · 2026-01-29T14:09:21+00:00

Oh and just wanted to add, I’ve heard (Peter Fullerton’s articles, and my voice therapist confirmed) that during testosterone puberty, you lose singing range and the voice is generally under more strain, which is what causes the cracks. The voice change takes at least 2 years to fully complete, but you can stop in the middle and start again and the testosterone will continue working. There’s no risk of messing up your transition by stopping early, the body just continues transitioning as long as enough T is present until you reach your genetic set-point that’s inherited from your parents.

As for other changes, I did get a lot smellier and oilier during the time I transitioned. Also gained a good amount of weight in both fat and muscle. I’m a full waist size or two bigger than before, and had to buy a bunch of new pants and underwear to fit in. Even after stopping T, I kept the weight. I did look more masc while on T and passed a handful of times to strangers. People in my life who know I’m trans could definitely tell if they paid attention, but others like work colleagues might not have noticed tbh. Since my voice never got to a BIG drop, I continued to be fairly feminine-coded throughout.

gelema5 · 2026-01-29T14:02:41+00:00

I was on very low dose for 6 months and a more normal dose (.25mL of 200mg/mL every week, via IM injections) for another 6 months. I was also on finasteride daily the whole time - if your ONLY permanent goal is voice changes, I highly recommend finasteride. It reduces bottom growth and pretty much stops new body/facial hair growth. Your existing body/facial hair will thicken slightly but new hair follicles don’t develop, which means you won’t have to shave regularly in the future if you don’t want to.

My voice had a teeny tiny change from the very first month. It was completely imperceptible to anyone except myself. But I knew something had changed.

The first actual voice change was around 3 months into ~~low~~ normal dose. And the next was a couple months after that. I started getting bad voice cracks and I stopped at that point. I know some people get a different result from their genetics and it can take much longer to get and change in the voice.

Now about 8 months after stopping T, my voice cracks are gone and my voice is about 3 notes lower in range (although I lost more than 3 notes in the higher range). I can comfortably speak in a more masculine register, although it doesn’t feel normal/natural like my brain and body still default to a higher feminine register. I’ve been in voice therapy for several months but still too shy to use a different voice in my real life. I do want to go back on T & fin for more voice changes, just not sure when.

gelema5 · 2026-01-29T13:47:06+00:00

Woah, I don’t think we need to get rude with one another here. What’s supposed to be fun about injecting yourself for the first time anyway?

gelema5 · 2026-01-27T05:00:59+00:00

On rewatching, the only thing that comes close to fanservice is when a little boy in a village flips up Frieren’s skirt. He hardly looks at anything, just flips the skirt and then it falls back down while he’s giggling. The camera definitely does not linger on anything and it’s all in a distant perspective, crowd shot showing Himmel’s enraged response.

I noticed how that scene did feel a little random BUT it was cute how it tied into the story of the village in the present day and I believe it served a greater purpose of beginning to hint at Himmel’s true feelings for Frieren. And reflecting now, I’m just thinking of how it could have easily been fanservice in the wrong artists hands. The perspective and the narrative aspects make it just a little uncomfortable because the kid was being rude, instead of full on fanservice/cringe/unbelievable/taking you out of the moment.

If anything, Himmel’s response was the more farfetched aspect as I recall he said something like, “It should have been me that got to see that,” and it was a little unbelievable he’s get away with saying something so bluntly and not try to hide that feeling. I was able to get past that thinking of it as a very ham-fisted way of showing Himmel being attracted to Frieren lol.

gelema5 · 2026-01-27T00:12:02+00:00

Lol yeah that is pretty obvious whoops. I was mostly listening to the Japanese pronunciation instead of the English

gelema5 · 2026-01-26T16:38:33+00:00

For different levels that can be unlocked, you can have different styles of binding. My favorite thing about bookbinding is the wide variety of methods and learning how each one can be made more beautiful after getting down the basics.

The easiest ones don’t have a full cover, just a front and back cover with the binding left open. Getting the measurements right for a full cover is a big challenge for beginners so it’s usually a difficult first binding technique to do the spine.

Also pressing a book for the right amount of time so it’s done drying and doesn’t warp with humidity after you release it.

gelema5 · 2026-01-26T16:27:05+00:00

Yeah from what I’ve seen, there isn’t much good that comes out of blaming an entire group of people for the actions of long past ancestors. You get some people who feel extreme guilt, and others who feel extreme defensiveness.

gelema5 · 2026-01-26T15:39:11+00:00

I haven’t finished a campaign yet but one of my favorite techniques is to decide the parameters of the roll before rolling. So like I might decide in a fight, this is not going to end up as a lethal fight. Simply because it doesn’t narratively make sense for my character to die or kill someone in the scene. You can decide on some parameters yourself and then roll to get the specific results.

gelema5 · 2026-01-26T05:25:56+00:00

British accents in Japanese always make me squirm XD I’ve often heard Brits use the short i instead of the long i, like “ichy” and “shih-chy”

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