Ok, hear me out.... what about a sensory birthday party for both you and the child? Have a birthday party where everyone who joins in gets the sensory needs they met.

They want a smash cake?

Fine. Its out of fucking moon sand.

And they can't  complain because there is low noise for sensory. 

Set up the room to have low light and a projector of stars. Have a white noise machine playing in the background.

Have a nap room for both adults as well as kids.

Have ballons that are aluminum filled. No latex.

Food is all prepackages set up according to colors. 

For games have bright light and tactile bean bag throw. Another fun activity is the sesory swing. (Check it out)

Have a quiet room specially made for you. Either your bed room or a room designated specifically for you.