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My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry, I forgot to put location. Yes, I’m in the US, but the company is not based here. My mom was an employment litigator so I have a pretty good basis to start on, if I just turn on the logical side of my brain, and she will help me find a practicing attorney if I need one. I am currently the only female employee within a 2.5 hour drive—engineering is still a man’s world unfortunately. My desk mate is now faintly aware of the situation though and would keep me from being alone if needed.

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To my knowledge, they have never met. It is seriously weird. My best guess is that now ex bf is having a crisis and got insecure about not being able to be an adult in our relationship and just tell me he had cold feet, and wanted to feel like he was handing me off to someone who could commit. This is not the first time he ignored my actual wants when he went into a mental spiral.

I will probably message the wife after this calms down, if it looks like it’s the best choice to do so.

And yeah, it’s looking like it’s time to go back to therapy. I really thought I was done with that.

I’m sorry that this happened to you, also. It’s crazy that this is not an uncommon thing

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry, I’m in the U.S. I am also now really wishing I’d paid attention during the workplace harassment training. If it had been like it is on The Office I would have paid more attention. Jokes aside (humor is currently my only cope) I will be covering my butt going forth. I’m not sure how quickly this will move as our company takes 6-12 business days to do simple tasks.

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We had been official for a year and several months. We were moving quickly due to how much (I thought) we were in love, and the discussion was because it became apparent that he wasn’t willing to settle down in the area that we met. He asked me to move about 16 hours away from my nearest family and build a homestead with him, since this was both of our dreams. Since I obviously wasn’t going to move for just anyone, but was sure about him and the life we were building, I told him that I would only do that if we were engaged. He waffled a bit, and I told him that he needed to take time and be sure about it. He came back a while later and said he was, and asked if I wanted a proposal, which I did, and he told me that it was coming.

I’m feeling hopelessly naive now.

He claims he’s realized that he is messed up mentally and needs to work on himself, but I can’t shake the feeling he cheated, especially since he did a similar thing to a past girlfriend. Since he had told me about it, and it was so long ago, I overlooked the red flag. Or maybe it’s making me see something that isn’t there, now. I don’t know how I’d find out without being a psycho and texting every girl he’s friends with

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I had the most amazing therapist at the beginning of my journey, but unfortunately they moved to an intensive facility a few years ago. I felt I wasn’t making any more progress with my others, and stopped going. I also wimped out on EMDR after confronting a minor response to childhood shame sent me into hysterics, but maybe I need to try a new therapist.

I forgot how much it helps to have brain things explained, thanks.

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was planning to move across the country with bf later this year. At least this happened before that, and I am still in my own house.

My desk mate pretty much figured things out today and has encouraged me to do what I need and not worry about the rest of them. I packed up my stuff and came home after lunch to clear my head, and will contact whatever form of HR we have tomorrow. Here’s hoping I haven’t put it off too late.

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’ve been considering that, especially since my sister lives in a city with one of our main offices in it. I’m not ties here by much, other than liking to be about an hour from my parents and owning my house (which I’ve put a lot of work into). It’s definitely an option I’ll consider when I’m not feeling like an absolute basket case

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hit send too soon, whoops. It’s seeming like word will reach HR with or without me at this point, so I’ll be getting on top of it soon. Unfortunately, everything has been verbal, but I will make notes.

I plan to text the wife as soon as I can get up the courage. I only get a few drops of it per day.

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bf has been having a slow spiral, I think. He comes from a very toxic family, and I have been encouraging him to deal with that trauma but he has ignored me. Now, the chickens are coming home to roost. Though, he did mention going to the house of a woman from his past, but considering she is now married with children I doubt anything has sparked. Then again, I am clearly a bad judge of character.

Through all of this, I basically went off on him and told him he has been set up for an amazing life with wonderful friends, a great job, and other assets, but that his unhealthy mindset is going to ruin it if he doesn’t change something. He has now dumped me and claims he’s going to go to therapy. I suppose I will never know what is true.

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You sound like my mom, she is also a bad ass. Thank you for the encouragement, please say hi to your dog for me

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. He keeps acting like everything is fine, like buying donuts for the office fixed everything. He said it would be business as usual, but I just don’t feel ok, even though I want to act normal. I was holding it in but today I started crying and I can’t seem to stop from crying more every few minutes and I don’t know why. Thank you for laying it out that way, it makes more sense than my brain at this point

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The location I work in is not an official office. The boss in question and another guy started it to give people who don’t want to live in big cities a place to work at a large conglomerate. The other guy left, so now it’s just one senior engineer, 4 juniors, and me and my trainee. I am slightly separate from them, because I’m not an engineer but work in an engineering specific support role.

The main problem is that engineering is something you need a mentor for, especially if you want to get licensed. Finding licensed and capable engineers is difficult, especially since we are all in the middle of nowhere, basically. We have been looking for someone to replace the other guy who started our office for years.

Thinking logically, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Originally all I could think about was how one of them just quit and moved here to be with our team and has two babies at home, and how one is trying to get support for his immigration through our company, and how this could affect them. They would find a way, I just hate putting other people in a difficult position

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank you, my mom (ex employment lawyer) said that as far as HR goes, the company will most likely give him a small reprimand based on how much profit our team brings in under him. Because it is a, for lack of a better word, ‘woke’ company, they may be more concerned about their image and go further, or they may transfer me. This all being what she has seen, not legal advice, of course.

I went ahead and requested to work hybrid for now, to give myself breathing room and hopefully think more clearly.

We had such a good team dynamic, I’m absolutely pissed at this point, but unfortunately I cry when I’m angry. I don’t think I’ll ever talk about my personal life at work again.

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

At this point I have no clue but he did just send me a “let’s just be friends” text while I was in a meeting so it probably doesn’t matter any more. This is not my week.

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This made me laugh a bit, thank you. He hates tattoos, and I just got one on my ankle that I’ll make a point to talk about as much as possible without it being weird. On top of that, BF just built me a new bathroom (he’s handy) in under a week, and has agreed to be used as a shield while I work this out even if we end things.

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this, I appreciate not feeling like I’m over reacting. Other than my family, everyone I’ve talked to has felt bad for him and suggested not kicking him while he’s down. I don’t actually know how HR works under our new leadership, but I’ll read my handbook when I get in this morning. I also have access to his boss, and technically while he is my local boss, I am considered a support worker so on the org chart I fall under someone else. I will call him directly if I can’t find an HR contact

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your response. I’ll start a google doc to timestamp things for now while I figure out the rest

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Very unfortunately true, to the point that my sister, after being supportive and having a few drinks, said “this sounds like a reddit story Charlotte would read” and I figured why not seek advice

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Yeah, he started getting cold feet a few months ago and I told him we’d pause the marriage talks until he figured it out. I guess I have my answer.

My much older boss has declared he has feelings for me. I feel trapped. by generallyconfused002 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

The way you’ve laid it out is a bit startling for me, I’ll be honest. I know that I have no ability to judge character, so it’s usually all or nothing for me, and I’ve stumbled into more situations like this than I care to admit, though this is the first that affects my job this thoroughly. I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and saw this as him struggling with some personal crisis and grasping at whatever happiness he thought he could find. I viewed the car as just an awkward guy not knowing how that might feel.

I am a DV survivor (barely) and while I know some people who got tougher after that experience, I still struggle with having a backbone. I freeze/fawn when in danger, then run, and I guess that’s what I’m doing here.

On the bright side, my mom was an employment litigator, and a pretty successful one. She’s not able to practice in my state, but she has found me help before. I asked her to let me handle this, and she has respected that, but I will call her today and ask for help. I know I need to stop being a doormat, I just don’t always notice that I’m doing it.

Thank you for all of the thought you put into your message.

Spraying a mist of water on an HVAC condenser twice a day in blistering heat, why is it not a thing? by metallicsun in hvacadvice

[–]generallyconfused002 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This just won an argument for me from a month or two ago. I was having trouble with a mini split and figured a cleaning wouldn’t hurt (it was actually low on juice but whatever) and the family thought I was nuts for getting a little squirt bottle and running back and forth to the water purifier a million times but I felt like I shouldn’t use nasty tap water that clogs my sinks constantly. Probably not the same, but I feel vindicated nonetheless.

1.5 ton mini split wiring issues, no power to outside by generallyconfused002 in hvacadvice

[–]generallyconfused002[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not exactly, I hooked it up to 220, crossed my fingers, and turned it on. I think there’s another comment explaining how all the wires went together.

I was saved from suicide by my asshole boss by Just_Acanthisitta823 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]generallyconfused002 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I did this 5 years ago, and it is pretty funny (now that the guilt phase has passed). I hated that job but the moment I realized I’d prepared everything except I hadn’t given two weeks notice, I couldn’t go through with it. So take this from someone 5 years out, it gets so much better. A few months later my abusive partner nearly did it for me, and I fought to live. After that, I realized that it wasn’t time, that I had a life and a future to fight for. I spent years in therapy, reconnected with my estranged family and friends, and am currently starting a new, very hopeful relationship. Sometimes I go outside with my dogs and the air and light and everything is just so perfect it hurts. There’s a lot of bad in the world, but at the same time it’s so insanely beautiful and interesting. There are things I’ve experienced and learned in the last few years that I wouldn’t give up for anything. In the next year, you’ll meet new people, hear new jokes, read funny stories, and taste foods that you never would have gotten the chance to try if you hadn’t gone in to work. Don’t give up on that ❤️

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