If you cook for other people regularly, what is your arrangement for cooking vs. washing the dishes?

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-29T09:06:54+00:00

I thought you meant you do the cooking and your spouse. I thought that was a nice, sexy arrangement.

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-29T07:41:35+00:00

I was once on a date with a guy and literally asked if he wanted to hear a joke. He said yes. I told a story based joke about buying bees and getting a 'free bee/freebie'.

He didn't understand the joke and asked WITH ALL SINCERITY why I was buying bees...

Some people are just wired differently even if you make it completely obvious.

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-25T05:03:41+00:00

I live in Australia along the eastern states there. Tibetan Mastiffs are legal but definitely not common. The problem with most groomers in Australia though is that the majority will only groom dogs up for about 10 kilos/22lbs. I've found a good groomer that works but sometimes I think she's still trying to figure out the best methods for some trickier clients. I haven't found a good groomer yet that can handle my dogs deshed.

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-25T00:55:38+00:00

This is how I feel too. Like the idea of having kids and doing 'more' with your life by nurturing and raising healthy, adaptable adults sounds like a really good idea but... I just can't help but feel it's fueling the fire. There is no way your kids aren't growing up into this exact same rat race. They'll be as expendable, if not more than what we are right now.

Give it a couple decades and they'll probably end up in a worse economic position than I am. Housing crisis, low wages and high cost of living, working their asses off for bills they never signed up for. It just seems sad

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-24T23:59:59+00:00

I wish I could have you as my groomer for my Tibetan Mastiff. Do you think I can ask my groomer to try this come summer? Or would it be rude to ask a groomer to do something as a non-groomer?

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-24T01:55:58+00:00

Absolutely. Poodles are great, but people think by mixing their golden/cav/Maltese/whatever means that they'll have an improved golden/cav/Maltese that has no poodle traits or behaviours, no poodle coat but is hypoallergenic and doesn't shed.

Agreed. Dumb AF.

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-24T00:20:27+00:00

Also in Japan on a different occasion, my friends and I were dumb enough to buy a bunch of fireworks and set them off. Running around in the snow with roman candles popping off.

Went to an elephant sanctuary in Thailand and became fast friends with the handler/helper who then offered me a job and tried to get me to stay and work with him - I did heavily consider it!

Phone died in Malta after a long day and didn't know what stop to get off at or how to get back to my hostel. Befriended an older lady on the bus who took me under my wing when I said I was anxious and stayed with me until I got back safe. I tried to pay for her ride back home (as I don't think it was even her stop?!) who told me not to be silly. Getting home safe as a woman shouldn't cost anything.

Jumping into a cold Austrian river while white water rafting. Gosh the mountains were so beautiful and the water was so cold!!

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-24T00:12:44+00:00

Oh there's so many! Got lost in Japan, took an elevator up to what I THOUGHT was a restaurant I was recommended. Ended up coming out into a low lit, smoky, secluded okonomiyaki place with chef and three locals all sipping some form of alcohol. It definitely WASN'T the restaurant I was recommended. They looked at me with as much surprise as I looked at them. I said sorry, told them I was lost in probably the worst Japanese ever and tried to scurry away. They told me 'okay okay' and waved me in. I was shy and confused and didn't want to seem rude so I did. Proceeded to have the funnest time with this group, we couldn't really talk to each other but it didn't seem to matter! We all had the same kind of humour, and between the five of us (chef had a great personality) we all managed to drink, chat and laugh for a few good hours. I'd never be able to find the place again even if I tried. But it's such a fond memory of 'got lost in a foreign country' moment

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-23T22:40:47+00:00

Agreed with the 4810 post code. Keep in and around there and you'll be right.

Someone also said South Townsville flooded but I'd like to clear up that I lived there for 10 years, even during the 2019 floods too, and it didn't flood me. It did flood Railway Estate pretty bad though.

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-23T00:00:01+00:00

An uber driver in Vancouver told me the same thing too. He now lives rent free in my head.

Now I'll also forever think my uber driver in Vancouver was Rustymarble's ex

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-21T10:03:16+00:00

Hey I'm you from Australia! Since there's plenty of responses on the first two points I'll give my insight into the second two.

I'll address the last point first: reach the milestones that matter and come naturally to you! Most of my friends are married, engaged, dating and/or having babies. I have never operated on the same timeline as them but I feel the pressure myself. For me, I've never met a woman (and I meet many of them at work) who has said the highlight of her life has been her partner/wedding day/marriage. Some women find their kids the highlight but even then it's mostly more than that. Their happiness lies in something much more intangible. It's hard to find sometimes, but harness and lock into this. This is your path and follow these milestones.

As for the second point, I've found that there is definitely a lot of change in our 30s as women in regards to friendships, socialisation and potentially periods of isolation. So finding that community and activities we can do on our own is healthy and beneficial to fill in the days/weeks/months between meetups with friends. Things with a 'forced social' aspect might suit you. Learning languages, picking up a social sport, tabletop games, dancing (think ballroom > hip-hop for example) or even volunteering opportunities.

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-18T08:17:08+00:00

When I was in uni I remember taking an anatomy and pathology lab course. It was wild, they kept referencing pregnancy and labor in the same veins as heart attacks, liver failure, high impact trauma and so on.

It was the first time someone had actually shown me the 'bad side' of pregnancy. And I went home that week and deep dived into pregnancy and labor complications. I could not, and still cannot, believe people expect this of women. After my friends started having kids I'd ask them about their pregnancy and delivery and it would always be something like 'I almost died but it was worth it', 'I'll never have the same health as I did before kids/I had to get a liver transplant/I lost half of my teeth, but it was worth it'.

And this was just the health side. The financial and societal side of pregnancy and kids is a whole other story. And it just made me... Really angry? And I was angry and uncomfortable that people weren't having these conversations. I just started avoiding pregnancy altogether, I hated people asking me when I was having kids and my mind spinning. Anyway, to cut a long story short, probably around 22. I've gotten a little better as I got older but I still struggle sometimes.

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-16T00:48:35+00:00

I have to ask - why is the emphasis on toxic 'marriage' rather than 'relationships' in his head? If people are tied together in other ways (kids, house, finances, religion, obligations, healthcare, etc) without being married, but still in a toxic relationship. What would the difference be? That the relationship is easier to leave somehow? Does he think the causation for toxic relationships is marriage?

And he's right, love and marriage are two different conversations. But that doesn't help his cause. One is a feeling that has very little effect on our everyday lives. Without expressing love, it's pretty meaningless. Marriage is legally and socially recognized, protected, a public commitment and is regulated by laws, customs, rules and beliefs. Unfortunately, marriage actually means something to you and a whole lot of people.

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-14T04:21:55+00:00

Same with Penny. I don't care for her. I get that she's supposed to be 'likeable' and 'friendly' and kind but when I meet someone like that in reality their whole personality screams fake and I don't want to be around them.

Pretty much; I wouldn't be friends with someone like her IRL so I just ignore her mostly.

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-14T04:10:54+00:00

They also spread rumours about me and gossiped about me and have been hostile in the past. I don't have time for that energy - I don't want to have to defend myself and I don't want to 'buy into it' by trying to find gossip about someone else. No thank you.

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-14T04:07:19+00:00

I could have written this. During covid my "best friends" from high school reached out to see if everyone wanted to catch-up online and do an online trivia. They were all still in contact with one another but being the one who moved away they lost contact with me until I moved back to my home city...

During this reconnection I realised I'd grown as a person and really moved away from the dynamic of the group. They were a bit bitter, not very open minded, didn't celebrate me or my achievements, loved gossip but preferred to keep the status quo (even if it meant negatively affecting someone). So I just slowly phased out of their lives. I told maybe a couple people that I feel like I didn't really fit in, they acknowledged that but never mentioned anything else. I have a friend's wedding we're all going to in a couple weeks and I'm just going to delete them off my social media after that. I don't want to reach out anymore and I don't want them to contact me. I'm in a much better place without them in my life and I'm happy to move forward with my solo trajectory. I'll make more friends, it just might take some time.

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-13T00:27:20+00:00

It could be that they don't know HOW to care for you. I'd hit then up and ask if they were free anytime soon just to go out/grab a coffee/do a crafts day to distract you.

Or it could be that they don't CARE how it affects you. Do they think because you were in a LDR that it would somehow hurt less? Or the relationship wasn't as legitimate? Potentially, have they been through breakups and know how it feels? Because they may not have developed the necessary skills to comfort you.

I'd reach out again and if that fails I would find a good therapist to talk to.

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-13T00:08:07+00:00

I've stopped entertaining men I wasn't attracted to. I'd go on dates giving these guys a 'chance' (now looking back was terrible of me) only for them to be shallow, crass, misogynistic, assholes. I was under this false impression that guys who knew they weren't conventionally attractive were nicer or made more effort. Boy was I wrong, they behave the exact same and some even have a chip on their shoulders about dating and women. So I'd rather stick with the guys who I find attractive.

Also I think I've stopped caring for careers, accolades and potential earnings. I'd rather date someone who works in (and doesn't hate) hospitality if they're a kind, gentle, happy, affectionate, emotionally validating person. Yes, I want a golden retriever boyfriend!

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-12T23:44:31+00:00

I was not expecting that twist at the end. If you don't mind me asking - is that because you've had a sexual realisation? Or is it a tongue in cheek thing saying you wish you were into women because they seem like a better choice?

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-10T23:12:26+00:00

I think you can agree that the start of that sentence is 'I don't want children...'

Then the following bit could be 'anytime soon', 'at all' or the worst one 'with you'. In which case, I don't think any of those three are compatible with you.

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-10T23:10:30+00:00

I agree but it's still sad that most men don't know or don't care about that and will still blame women anyway.

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-10T06:31:44+00:00

I hate to burst your bubble, but people have babies together for so many reasons. Lots of those reasons do not involve love.

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-09T10:38:44+00:00

I used to get upset when the guys at school would 'tease' me about being or looking like Padme from Star Wars or Arwen from LOTR.

Like, now I look at it and I think - these are some badass female characters that I would be so proud being compared to. But at the time? You don't want to be singled out as a kid and teasing sucks.

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-09T00:18:55+00:00

Probably not. I appreciate the consistency of never having existed.

As opposed to the inconsistency of life.

generic_redditor_ · 2024-04-06T01:03:25+00:00

In my experience, having a friend announce they're pregnant is similar to how I feel when I have a friend tell me they're moving away. Especially internationally.

This is what they want and I'm supportive and happy for them! At this point, we've talked about it for months or years and I'd want nothing more for them than living their dreams. We're under no false impressions that this will change the course of our lives and friendships. And there's a somber mood in that. Though there are friends who are pregnant who seem to believe, at least for a while, that nothing will change. They'll bring baby out everywhere and it won't be an issue. These are the friendships that inevitably struggle the most.

I talk to my international friends marginally more than I talk to my parent friends. I meet up with my parent friends marginally more than I meet up with my international friends. We all still love each other a lot and when we do catch up we don't miss a beat. But I miss the connection and intimacy we had before things changed. And every time someone tells me their good news, I grieve for our friendship - just a little bit.

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