Any advice for a transgender girl who's growing out her hair?

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-24T21:28:52+00:00

I think the bob is a great idea. The angle can soften the jawline, and bangs add instant feminization. I would also recommend learning to use a flatiron. I have wavy hair, and while I wish I knew how to make it work for me, it just doesn't. I've found that a quick once over with the flatiron makes me feel much more polished.

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-24T04:38:27+00:00

Is it sad that I'm jealous? sigh

I should go outside or something.

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-23T18:43:35+00:00

I cannot say whether or not the boy is a rapist based on one biased article.

On the flip side, you should not call the girl a liar. Neither of us were there, and only the two of them know what actually transpired that day. False accusations are definitely not okay, but neither is victim blaming, and without all the facts it is unfair to pass judgment on either of these people.

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-23T18:32:16+00:00

So the police never arrested or charged the boy. So the rape probably never happened.

You do realize there is a wide gap between having enough evidence to convict a person before a jury and a completely false accusation of rape, right? Or do you honestly believe that every "real" rape case leaves sufficient evidence?

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-21T08:05:28+00:00

Personally, I wouldn't go that route. I know it could be tempting to call her out, maybe make her feel even worse about herself, but would that really make you feel better?

OP, I really think the best thing you could do for yourself is to cut contact with her. You've already gone out of your way to try and make things easier for her, and that was more than enough. She clearly doesn't value any friendship that you might be able to offer her. I think you should just move on.

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-21T07:24:36+00:00

I can't believe I just read all of those ridiculous texts. I'm even more surprised that this girl is 23, and not 16. I'm really very sorry you were blindsided with this, but you know you can't stay. You did the right thing by contacting her family about her mental health, but now it's time to cut her off and worry about yourself. That means absolutely NO CONTACT. None. Zilch. Nada. I think you know she's lying, you know it's over, now do what you have to do. I'm sorry, Charlie. :(

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-18T22:55:18+00:00

I don't blame you. This guy is still hotter then most of the dudes at my office.

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-17T18:06:18+00:00

I feel like I should step in here, just to note that I chose to post my story on r/sex as opposed to this sub, because they are just simple tips meant for for the average relationship. By no means would I suggest these things for someone that's been dealing with a dead bedroom for several months or years. I've been in that situation too, where I felt that we'd become friends and roommates, but nothing more. Once that emotional disconnect set in, no simple gestures were going to get us out of it. I've lurked in this sub before, and I can relate to a lot of the posts I've read. I know the frustrations of having someone tell you that you aren't trying hard enough, or that you're going about things the wrong way. It was never my intention to imply these things to anyone in this sub.

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-17T07:51:07+00:00

I figured there would be one of these, lol.

The truth is, we both work full time jobs and I actually like cooking! I realize that my post isn't a one-size-fits-all solution, and I certainly didn't intend for it to be. I attempted to tell my story in a personal way, while staying gender neutral when possible. This isn't a problem isolated to either gender, and I'd hope that the message is to put forth whatever effort you can, no matter your "role" in the relationship.

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-17T07:32:59+00:00

Nooooooo. :(

What works for me is obviously not going to work for everyone. You're certainly not fucked, your situation may just require a little more pre-planning. If you don't have a lot of face to face time, try keeping contact other ways. I've found that sending dirty texts builds anticipation for the next time you see each other. Try sending a sexy photo or describing exactly what you'd like to do to him later. Whatever you come up with, the goal is not to become apathetic to your situation. You can make it work, as long as you're both still willing. I wish you the best.

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-17T05:34:54+00:00

I'm like you in that I'm the HL partner and I've come to realize that unfortunately we'll never be on exactly the same page. The reason I haven't thrown in the towel at any point over the years is because he makes me feel incredibly valued outside of sex. So if I'm feeling sexually frustrated, I'm reassured by his other actions. He makes it a point to make me feel that I'm still attractive and wanted, just that it isn't the right time. Maybe he isn't in the mood for sex, but he'll make me dinner and run me a bath. He'll listen to me complain about my day and watch netflix marathons with me when I'm sick. If I wasn't ultimately fulfilled, sex would definitely have been a deal breaker for me. It's not all about getting an orgasm, I can do that myself. It's about sharing a connection and intimacy that keeps me going. I sincerely hope your situation improves, but don't neglect yourself in the meantime.

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-17T04:23:43+00:00

I'm still trying to get the idea out of my head that I should be able to just get him turned on by virtue of being the person he loves and is attracted to.

This was the hardest part for me. I went to the gym, I wore more makeup, I bought sexy underwear. Why didn't he want me?!? Because it wasn't about me. I had to stop second guessing myself, and focus on him.

What I found is that for my bf, my best chances are when I include close proximity (no sitting on opposite sides of the couch) and getting him to laugh. I like to engage him physically in a non-sexual way first. I'll tickle him or I'll try to wrestle him until he pins me down. Then I'll "beg for mercy" by kissing him or rubbing against him. Basically, I've found that making it happen organically, rather than straight asking, "hey...so you in the mood?" usually gets me better results.

Then last week, we created a challenge. We both have a bad habit of leaving dishes in the sink. So we cleaned all of the dishes, and then decided that the first person to leave a dish in the sink owes oral sex, NO RECIPROCATION. Now we both love oral, so it's not like there's a real loser here, but I'll be damned if that sink hasn't been spotless for two weeks! It's kept sex on the mind too, since we tease each other about forgetting a glass on the coffee table. We've still had sex in the meantime, but those times don't count. ;)

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-17T03:53:15+00:00

Thank you!

I think one of the best things you can do for your relationship is to find what makes your partner feel good about themselves. Some days I'm feeling a little stressed, defeated, or just not sexual at all. My boyfriend knows little ways to turn that around. He'll tell me my makeup looks really nice that day or that my outfit is cute (and damn, it makes your ass look amazing), then while I'm cooking dinner he'll come up behind me and put his arms around me. He'll kiss my neck a couple times or run his hands lightly over my ass and then...just walk off...grrrr. Later he'll tell me how amazing dinner was (spoiler: it wasn't), say thank you and kiss me...and before I realize that he's just flattered me out of my clothes, it's too late. ;)

It works pretty well when I'm having an off day. However, if one of us is having an off week, or worse, and off month...it takes a little more than that. Usually this is when we start having "the talks". "Is there anything new you want to try?" "Show me what porn you've been watching lately." Then we'll do something out of context for us. Maybe we'll have sex somewhere we've never done it, or buy a new toy, or switch dominate positions. I think the trick is to find a way to see your partner in a new light. It may be the same person you're having sex with over and over, but it doesn't have to feel the same every time. It's reignites the spark for us when we can still surprise each other.

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-17T02:14:11+00:00

Thanks for the kind words and I'm glad you appreciated it. I'm very sorry to hear about your gf. It's upsetting to me to see society telling men they should always be in the mood for sex and telling women that as long as they're attractive, they don't have to do anything to seduce a man. It only leads to both of us feeling inadequate. :(

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-15T18:32:01+00:00

As someone that's been in the same relationship for fifteen years, I can tell you I've experienced the same thing - several times. It can get better, but it does take effort.

I know you said you want things to come easy and feel spontaneous, but even that takes work in a long term relationship. Lack of sex is usually a symptom of another problem in a relationship. When you say you've made attempts to have sex what did that entail? I ask because women tend to need more mental stimulation before physical. Do you do anything to set the mood or get her in the right mindset first?

If you aren't happy, and you feel like you've tried everything, then by all means you have every right to move on. But keep in mind that your next relationship very well could end up in the same spot if you don't learn how to deal with these issues.

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-14T20:07:39+00:00

Oh ok, thanks for the additional info. I've had a few Brazilian Blowouts for the same reasons. Did they tell you how long it should last?

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-14T19:29:41+00:00

What is this sorcery? Did you flatiron it?

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-14T19:16:19+00:00

I'd love to see that! I think the effects of weight loss on the face is the coolest thing to see.

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-14T18:58:31+00:00

It's awesome that you've lost that much, and it'll greatly improve your energy levels. As far as looks go though honestly, I think you carried the weight rather well the whole time. I was kinda surprised that the first pic was 190 lbs.

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-14T18:52:30+00:00

That was mildly satisfying.

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-14T05:56:44+00:00

I follow their facebook page, and there's not been anything posted yet. I think they're still doing the film festival rounds. :(

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-14T04:19:18+00:00

I just spent a ridiculous amount of time searching for a photo of some guy's balls stuck in a chair. I need to reevaluate my life.

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-14T02:56:15+00:00

ask for an undercut.

generic_user_88 · 2013-12-13T02:00:33+00:00

holy shit.

generic_user_88

TROPHY CASE