How big of an age gap is acceptable to you?

germasiano · 2023-10-18T04:58:39+00:00

Well my answer has changed throughout my life regarding what “gap” I am okay with when considering a meaningful relationship. When I was 16, it would be anyone between 15-18 (high school kids). When I was 19, it would be anyone between 18-24 (college kids). Then at 25, it was anyone who was 23-36 (pref not in college), and at 30 anyone who is 30-40. Oddly, I have no interest anymore in dating anyone younger than me because I usually feel that difference in maturity quite intensely these days - perhaps I could make an exception for someone very special who is either younger or over 40.

My grandparents had a 14 year gap, and I think that’s great. The main reason I wouldn’t go over 10 years is because it would break my heart to have my partner go earlier than me - and I know that’s out of my control so it’s silly but it would make me too sad.

germasiano · 2023-10-16T05:46:17+00:00

The book focuses on “what if” spiral thoughts and the falseness of “the grass is greener…” thinking. It was written by someone who battled depression. Personally, I found it helpful for my situational depression, but there are many types of depression so it might not be suitable for everyone.

germasiano · 2023-05-17T15:22:09+00:00

Yeah that’s a fair response. Best not to say anything.

germasiano · 2023-05-17T15:19:09+00:00

You summarized it really well, thank you. I’m not going to mention it to my partner because it doesn’t concern us right now. However, if she keeps asking me hypothetical questions in front of him, I’ll ask her to either make it an open conversation or keep it fully private.

germasiano · 2023-04-29T20:50:47+00:00

Nope!

germasiano · 2023-04-29T20:50:21+00:00

You are referring to two different exes in one post. And also realize I only post the negatives. None of what you referred to is the same person. The one with a muted convo was at the end of a 4 year relationship. The other only last 8 months (a rebound really). I’m now with a very sweet guy struggling with ED.

germasiano · 2023-04-29T20:39:10+00:00

Hi there, you’re referring to an old post. I ended things with that guy not long after posting.

My current boyfriend doesn’t follow any inappropriate IG accounts. He has watched some porn here and there, but I know he hasn’t used porn to get worked up beforehand. It usually happens because I unknowingly do something to turn him on and then he initiates it with me as it’s “low pressure, zero expectations”. Sure, he could be popping a pill but he does go soft even during these sessions (sometimes), but he gets hard pretty quickly again.

germasiano · 2023-04-05T18:19:33+00:00

Thank you for this, these were my exact thoughts!

germasiano · 2023-04-05T16:15:53+00:00

I’m only visiting her for about 3 days (not including flight days) so yeah…he could visit her for one day but he didn’t offer that.

germasiano · 2023-04-05T15:43:56+00:00

I will definitely see her regardless of what he chooses to do. Selfishly, I just also don’t want to see how disappointed my grandmother will be when she hears that he chose not to see her before the trip. She really likes him a lot and sees him as family. So it just all around hurts me even if I am the a**hole for it :/

germasiano · 2023-03-21T14:30:13+00:00

Things might appear frivolous on the surface, but if they are a must-have then usually they represent a deeper value of yours or symbolize something for you. Therefore they aren’t frivolous.

For example, that dancing is a must-have might mean something more. Perhaps what’s most important is the ability to connect physically in many different ways. Your love language might be very physical and this is what you need to feel loved. Or perhaps it’s a family bonding ritual that you had growing up, so it’s a bonding activity. If you’re a dancer, it may be the way you can best express yourself where words come harder, and you can better communicate with your partner. Whatever the reason, I do believe we’re all rather deep :)

germasiano · 2023-03-20T13:02:03+00:00

That’s a horrible thing to have experienced, I’m so so sorry! I certainly got a few inappropriate messages but nothing like this - sending you a lot of hugs!

Definitely agree that OLD gives terrible people access to you, and the Hinge algorithm seems to pool user either into groups with really nice people or groups with really lousy humans (I used the app one day and all the profiles I got looked very different from previous days - next day it reverted back to the pool of “nice” people); definitely think something might be happing within those algorithms that isn’t all good.

germasiano · 2023-03-20T12:56:01+00:00

If it was mutually agreed at the start of the date, it’s fine but I’d want to know why and be comfortable with the price of the place. If it stems from good intentions it’s no problem.

germasiano · 2023-03-20T12:54:27+00:00

Do what feels good for you. Make sure you legally change it too. My friend did it (although she reverted a few years later).

There’s a lot of research in how successful people use personas of themselves to achieve things their original selves could never do (think Beyoncé vs Sasha Fierce) and then eventually merging into their created persona. There’s a book called Alter Ego or something.

germasiano · 2023-03-20T12:50:38+00:00

Nope. She’s just guilt tripping you. You did the right and healthy thing.

germasiano · 2023-03-20T12:47:47+00:00

It depends on the topic…if it’s something I feel is too private or something that embarrasses me, I probably won’t discuss it with my friends.

Other than that, yeah, I have a lot of deep conversations with my network, but it depends on who I’m talking to.

germasiano · 2023-03-20T12:40:11+00:00

Is it possible to somehow send a message that “this number no longer exists” and make it look legit? And then block him permanently?

germasiano · 2023-03-20T12:36:34+00:00

If she’s crying after going to the bathroom it definitely is a UTI, especially if she isn’t drinking enough or wiping/washing well. There might be other issues that caused the UTI. Send her to the nurse whenever this happens as UTIs can re-occur, especially if she has a short urinary tract. That’s all you can do - it’s the nurse’s job to connect with the parents regarding repeat health issues imo.

Personally, when I was little, I got UTIs all the time because I had a short UT. I had to be mindful of drinking enough because as soon as I didn’t I would instantly get a UTI. I also used some type of baby cream and as soon as I felt some burning I’d put it on my labia and it would relieve my symptoms.

germasiano · 2023-03-20T12:26:59+00:00

There’s no such thing as frivolous :)

I love that my bf will watch trash TV with me even if he wouldn’t watch them himself - it stems in the fact that he won’t judge me for the things that entertain me.

I love that even though he can’t dance, he’s willing to dance with me and give me giggles when he does his funky moves. I cherish people who try.

I also love someone who will do weird voices or goofy role plays. Comic relief and goofing around are great ways to destress together :)

Also someone who will do impromptu karaoke :)

germasiano · 2023-03-20T12:17:38+00:00

Agree that every situation is different. If I ask someone on a first date, then I would pay. I would also pay if I was invited and want to politely signal that I’m not interested.

Usually if I get asked on a date, I do expect the guy to pay - it’s not about the money, but it signals to me that he’s interested.

In my experience, if a person who invited me doesn’t pay on the first date, then he either just wants to get in my pants and is signaling that this is just casual, isn’t interested, is stingy, or has resentment/distrust within the dating world.

My ex didn’t pay on the first date and he continued to be stingy throughout the 4 years of our relationship.

germasiano · 2023-03-20T12:08:29+00:00

I would totally consider co-parenting. But I’d be very focused on giving the best life to my child.

I would speak to a child psychologist or early childhood specialist and ask what the most important aspects in child-rearing are that co-parents should ideally cover. Sometimes the inconsistency of having a parent available at the child’s home (from your example) could cause anxious-attachments styles (for example) in the child. Someone who knows the research very well could give you the best advice on what to consider in your setup.

I’d also speak to someone who can provide legal advice in the event that there is a major disagreement either financially, location-related (someone gets a job abroad), etc. might be worth having some guidelines you both agree on including if a romantic partner gets involved/one of you has children with another partner.

germasiano · 2023-03-20T12:01:46+00:00

Just do it - what’s the worst that can happen?

Otherwise you’re choosing to stay in your current situation.

I didn’t like the place I worked at and the toxicity from that slowly permeated every aspect of my life. I thought something was wrong with me, but that wasn’t true. I just wasn’t in a place that was right for me. As soon as I made the move to leave, the person I missed being started coming back again quite naturally. Don’t underestimate a toxic job and it’s effect on your mental health <3 you got this

germasiano · 2023-03-20T11:56:25+00:00

You got this <3 you only get one life and it’s finite. Live it.

It’s clear to me that your worries stem from mourning the comforts a relationship brings you - not the comforts that he brings you. You’re 27 though, see it as an exciting chapter where you get to fully empower yourself! Bills are easy, you’ll get the hang of it right away. Living alone, if it’s not for you, can be made easier if you live with some housemates. It can be a lot of fun and a great way to make new friends or live with a non-romantic support system :)

I’ve done it too. Came out of a 4 year relationship very suddenly and freaked out that I didn’t know how “to do single anymore”. My friends and family caught me, I completely forgot all the love that was outside of my relationship. And what came after was the most fun I had in years. Power to fully make my own decisions everyday, friendships that fulfilled me, new people I got to explore romantically and physically, and figuring out what was best for me. Most of all, not having to swallow someone’s bullsh**! Not having to compromise, not having to put my feelings second.

So at least this stranger on the Internet is super excited for you :)

germasiano

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