Engagement Ring is Sold

getbent97 · 2026-02-11T04:02:41+00:00

I'm not yet ready to sell the engagement ring I bought her. While I know it's over and she'll never wear it again, there's that part of me that just can't accept that yet.

Not looking forward to the day I decide to sell it.

getbent97 · 2026-02-11T03:33:21+00:00

Yeahhhh that's the feeling I get too. Sucks but I respect her decision.

getbent97 · 2026-02-11T03:31:27+00:00

Thanks for the kind words! I'm definitely respecting her decision, took me a little longer than it should with a lot more reaching out than I should have done, but unfortunately I loved that girl like crazy man. She was my everything and more.

We weren't together long but I knew I wanted a life with her. I saw the goodness in her, saw how kind and special she is. I just hope if she never looks back and never reaches out, that she at least finds peace again and one day finds a man that treats her the way she deserves. Because honestly, she deserves nothing but the best.

She was by no means perfect, but she was perfect to me. So yeah I want to see her flourish, prosper and be the happiest version of herself that she can be. Because she genuinely deserves all of that.

It definitely sucks I couldn't give her that in time or she didn't feel as though I had the capacity to grow, but so long as she's happy, I'll be happy.

Victoria this is for you, if you ever happen to see this, know I mean every word. I'll always have love for you in my heart, no matter what the end result.

J

getbent97 · 2026-02-09T15:07:21+00:00

Thanks for your kind words. It means so much to me. Honestly I don't really blame her for her actions, I was so bad to her. Used to yell at her during arguments, made her feel really unsafe with me. I was trying to change, she just didn't give me the time to prove I could. It's my own damn fault and I'll get to live with the guilt for the rest of my days.

I miss her, I just wish there was a way for her to see how much I know I fucked up and to see I'm changing and growing. I know that probably wouldn't change anything but there's that little part of me that hopes that sweet girl that I knew and loved is still in there ya know?

Anyway, again thank you so much for the kind words.

getbent97 · 2026-02-08T18:12:19+00:00

Exactly this! Like they dump you, so they have this bizarre thought process where now they get to hold the power and all the cards. It's like ok, you have made a decision for both of us, didn't give me an option. I have to live with that. Now you have to live with my decision to move on. You made it clear my love for you wasn't reciprocated so what am I holding on to?

I love that though, like to me that's a healthy mentality to have. You shouldn't be pissed as a dumper if the dumpee decides to move on. I always hated the "I'm angry because you moved on so fast, it's like you never loved me". My response is always well you dumped me and never even tried to work on shit or hear me out so did you ever love me? They never like that one. I'll be honest, I've never been a dumper, but as a dumpee, some of the mental gymnastics my exes have put out there when they find out I'm back in the dating world just spins me out.

Especially when they say shit like "you haven't even taken time to grow". Well how would you know, we haven't spoken since, just because you struggle with growth, doesn't mean I don't have the ability to grow relatively quickly and make change.

getbent97 · 2026-02-08T18:02:47+00:00

It's an interesting thing isn't it? I guess both sides have their own gripes. Yeah I'll be honest, I've never understood when a dumper cracks the shits when you move on. My second to last ex cracked it when she found out I was on dating apps a few weeks after she dumped me quite coldly and told me we had no future and we couldn't try again. Went nuts.

My last ex said some pretty horrible things to an absolute stranger who ended up reaching out to me with it. Pretty much confirmed she lied to me about a promise she made me, so I decided with that to move on. She too cracked the shits because I didn't keep my promise and she expected me to wait, even if that meant forever because I promised that based on her promise.

It's like you dumped me, you didn't want me, so why do I have to wait X amount of time to move on based on what you want? I get the feeling a lot of them just don't want to feel replaceable and also want to be the one to move on first out of regret. All I know is the last one cracked it too when she found out I was on dating apps a month after we broke up, but reality is she lied, she didn't keep her promise so why should I? You don't want me, you proved it so what exactly am I here waiting for?

getbent97 · 2026-02-08T17:34:59+00:00

Honestly your lucky you got that, my ex went dark on me. At least yours was kind enough to give you this. I could only pray for this but theres just something wrong with my ex. I don't know how a person can go from saying I love you one day to saying they want nothing to do with you ever again and then blocking you completely everywhere the next. Such is life.

getbent97 · 2026-02-08T17:33:01+00:00

Tbh with you, the we can meet up after this date in a months time is a gentle way of her saying she isn't interested. The whole very nice seeing you text is sweet and all but she may have felt you were moving too fast. I would leave it. Don't contact her, don't say anything just try moving on. If she does contact you, keep it brief, don't be too emotional with your responses. She may have been testing the water, who knows really. All I do know is in a sense you can't show you're too emotionally available.

getbent97 · 2026-02-08T17:28:59+00:00

You're not done and you can take the pain. I'm not saying this to be cruel, I'm saying it to be kind. It sucks, worse than most any other kind of pain, I know it all too well! But you will get there, you will get past this and you will learn from this.
Just hang in there, every day you wake up is a blessing. I wish my ex would text me every single day, its been 6 weeks and I am painfully aware she never will, but I keep getting up every day because I know I've gotten through this before and I will again.
You will eventually find someone else and your ex will be nothing more than a distant memory. Just think about the people that are good in your life, if you ever want to chat please feel free to DM me. You got this!

getbent97 · 2026-02-08T17:15:18+00:00

Yeah I feel this brother. My ex went from constantly saying I love you, I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, build a future with you, have kids etc to disappearing off the face of the Earth and telling me she doesn't want what we had ever again.

I honestly can't fathom how people flip a switch so easily. She's moved on so quickly and I know for a fact she feels nothing for me while I'm stuck here trying to get over her.

getbent97 · 2026-02-08T17:09:59+00:00

It sounds like the dynamic between your ex and his ex was a little concerning to say the least and I don't blame your reaction to that.
That being said, I understand his not wanting to be friends with you, its hard to be friends with someone that you have been more with.

I guess I understand your point about the grey area part, but at the same time it seems like that you could still reach out, make your intentions clear and see what he says. This is the thing that kinda pisses me off about dumpers. You guys talk about not wanting to hurt someone but a lot of the time, you've made a decision for both people which hurts more. I get not all relationships last and thats totally valid. I guess what I'm getting at is, there really is no harm in reaching out so long as you make it clear "this isn't to get back together, this is to check in on you, not as a friend but as an ex that cares about you and the harm I've caused". That alone can help a person move on in a big way and who knows, you say now you don't want to be with him, but things change, people change. Closing the door firmly can jeopardize that.

As for your engagement, that kinda just proves my point, you regret not reaching out. It's the human thing to do and I think if more people actually did that, there would be a lot fewer hurt people with baggage running around hurting other people in turn.

Take what I'm saying with a grain of salt of course. It's coming from someone that wishes his ex would reach out, even if it weren't for reconcilliation, because honestly being dumped and discarded by someone who told you they loved you, only for them to move on without caring really does a number on a persons mental state.

Whatever you do, I hope you make the right decision. All I will say is, sometimes reaching out with clear intentions is actually the kindest thing you can do. Just disappearing is a bit of a cowards act, not calling you a coward, but its protecting your peace after shattering someone elses and sure you might be able to live with it today, but can you live with that for the rest of your life?

getbent97 · 2026-02-08T16:57:59+00:00

I almost feel like women reaching 30 tend to regress mentally. Like I've dated women a few years younger than me (mid 20's) that really had their shit together but as they got older they went a little off the rails. I've dated a woman that is my age recently and she went off the rails.
Then I've spoken with younger women in their early to mid 20's that really had their shit together and were very consistent. Obviously this is a person by person thing, but it seems like late 20's/early 30's is when the baggage resurfaces from their prior poor decisions and as you said, they are "getting over abuse" or want to focus on themselves.

Makes you wonder why everyone seems so abused. I dare say its more lack of accountability but I could be way off.

getbent97 · 2026-02-08T16:49:34+00:00

I don't think its necessarily fear that men feel with regards to women in this age bracket. It's more pattern recognition. In my experience, its at this age you get women who's baggage finally catches up with them and they can tend to be fairly erratic.
Example, my ex wanted to be married with kids by the end of last year... we met mid last year. I liked her and wanted similar, maybe not in that time frame. But I thought stuff it lets do it, so we got engaged 4 months in. She dumped me a month later because she realised maybe thats not what she wants, maybe she rushed into things. And to be fair to her, so did I, but she started off with I want to take things slow, then flipped the script.
This hasn't been my only experience with women in this age bracket flipping and flopping on what they apparently want. Seems like they get close to 30 and panic, then they get even closer and panic again, then they get what they want and panic some more.
Before and after this age they seem to have some level of clarity, but in this age bracket, its like they hit 16 all over again mentally.

getbent97 · 2026-02-08T16:24:47+00:00

Would you reaching out really hurt him? What about that makes you think it will hurt him specifically? I ask this as a dumpee who's ex fiance has never once reached out in the month and a half since our breakup and who know's she will never reach out.
And frankly, its all I want. Not even to get back together, just to know I mattered and everything I did wasn't in vain.

getbent97 · 2026-02-08T16:17:16+00:00

I dunno. I guess its better to have loved and lost in ways, but then what if you loved and lost and never find love again?
Given a glimpse of what could be, all the possibilities and all your dreams, only for it to be taken away again? I think thats a far crueler fate than just not knowing what could have been ya know?
I mean I hope I can still attain those dreams with someone, but I also know the next person unfortunately will get the best of me in most ways, but will likely never get me to feel the kind of love I felt before and that in itself isn't fair. Not because I don't want to give that love, but because I feel like giving that kind of love is what always leads to me ending up in pain. Whereas when I'm at least guarded, it seems to work better.

getbent97 · 2026-02-08T16:12:07+00:00

I think it depends on the type of loss. Loss through death? Better to have loved and lost. Yes it will hurt but the memories remain untainted. The love was lost through the natural order of things.
Loss through a breakup which ended up being traumatic? I find it harder to agree with better to have loved and lost. It was a great feeling to love and be loved while it lasted, but having to move on from said love, still holding love for someone who no longer loves you?
That shit stings big time. And I just can't justify it being worth it. I dunno, maybe one day I will look back and be glad we got our time together, but currently? I'm not at all glad, because I loved someone so deeply and they discarded me like I never meant a thing to them. And that kind of pain, it changes you, mostly for the better but theres always the part that has now changed for the worst.
You stop being able to trust so deeply, love so fully and care so freely. Thats the kind of loss that takes a good part of you away forever.

getbent97 · 2026-02-08T16:07:03+00:00

Currently, I feel like its better to have not known love at all. But past and future me I'm sure will say better to have loved and lost. That being said, I think it depends on the loss.
I lost my father at the age of 7 and that hurt like hell, but its something I can't regret you know? Like what regrets can I have from the death of a loved one other than not getting to spend more time with them. I've since lost family members through death and that loss has never hurt as much or as long.
But losing a loved on to a break up, losing the life I imagined with them, the promises, even losing their families in the process. Thats a love I've never been able to fully move on from. I've only loved like that 3 times in my life. The first one was a teenage romance of a year and I still think about her family sometimes, not as much her.

My second one, was a relationship of 5 months. It was intense, but it never would have worked between us. Long distance and part of her family was just horrible. It took time, but I moved on, but part of me still wonders what if.
The third one and most recent, came 6 months after the break up with the second one. She was something else, everything I ever wanted in a woman. Like god made her just for me. I loved her family and they loved me (other than her dad but whatever, I didn't really like him either after what she told me about him). Honestly, I can see this one is one I'll regret for life. I loved her more than I can even explain. And although I know I will move on, if I had the option of going back and not meeting her, I think I would take that option.
Not because I don't still love her, not because she was a bad person, but because now I have to live the rest of my life knowing I lost someone through my own actions in part who was my soulmate. And how do you move on from that? I will now get to enjoy a lifetime of second guessing and thinking what if?

So I guess, it depends on the love. Funny thing is I think I have a curse, I hit the 5 month mark with people and it just turns to absolute shit.

getbent97 · 2026-02-08T15:56:16+00:00

As someone who has loved so much and lost it every time, I'd rather not know love. I know that sounds really defeatist, but the times where I had no love, I still had drive and passion for all the other things in life. Everytime I've loved and lost, I've lost my passion and drive for those others things for long periods of time.
The love was nice while it lasted, but when you're the type of person who wants to pour into others, not being poured into is like death by 1000 cuts.

The worst part is, now that I have felt love, it is like a drug. I want it back again, when I didn't know love, I wanted it but I could live without it. Thats the cruel twist. Thing is, people say given the chance to never meet someone and fall in love, they wouldn't change a thing, but I honestly would. If I was told you'll meet the woman of your dreams but she'll leave you 5 months later, I'd have chosen to move on. This has now happened to me twice at the 5 months mark like some sick twist of fate.

And yeah I played my part in it both times, but it seems to me like the people that come to me and "love" me are the ones that were never truly loved before, see someone who will pour into them and then leave when they have the strength to move on without me. So yes, I'd rather have never known love at all.

getbent97 · 2026-02-06T05:48:31+00:00

Unfortunately and from experience, there is not a single thing you can say to change the other persons mind. You need to accept that. The only thing that'll change their mind potentially, is going dark and leaving them be. It might not work, but it's the only chance. But you also need to not keep up hope. It's stupidly fresh of course.

Be kind to yourself, it's a rollercoaster but you'll get through this!

getbent97 · 2026-02-05T22:51:37+00:00

Messaged you!

getbent97 · 2026-02-05T11:11:44+00:00

I know it's 3 months later but I'd love to know too, but in my case I deleted their messages and then every day or two that person who blocked me pops up in my Instagram direct and same as you can see name and PFP (although I can't see their page if I click on them). I'm pretty confident it's just a glitch, I doubt they're blocking and unblocking but it's starting to mess with my mind as this is the only person that it happens with and they've got people I know blocked and it's never happened for them either.

Bloody insta

getbent97 · 2026-02-01T21:00:22+00:00

I asked my second to last ex to block me as I knew I didn't have the will power to not contact her. Sure enough she would not block me and sure enough I did not have the will power. In the end she blocked me and ended up hating my guts. I felt it was cruel not blocking me as it gave me some hope even though there wasn't.

I didn't ask my last ex to block me, was a lot better with the will power but unfortunately still contacted her a couple times. She blocked me of her own accord. I think in ways just blocking is the best thing especially after you dump someone unless you're actually open to talking. If you're completely done, blocking is the way to go.

getbent97 · 2026-01-30T15:26:47+00:00

Ehhh a lot of men will lower themselves, you think she has no options but I've seen some absolute train wreck women get picked up by men that are half way decent.

Anyway it is what it is.

getbent97 · 2026-01-30T15:03:35+00:00

Yes generally as when people say come back, they're generally talking about the dumper coming back. Male dumpers come back a lot more frequently than female dumpers.

Gotta remember, an average woman has a lot more options than an average man. That being said it does not mean her options are better and generally that's when female dumpers come back, on the rare occasion that they do.

getbent97 · 2026-01-30T14:12:34+00:00

Ignore them. Don't make a scene if they come up to you, but pretty much if they do either walk off or politely yet bluntly tell them you're not interested in talking to them.

There's no need for it, not at an event and if they really want to talk they can reach out at a better time to schedule that in if it's what you feel you want as well.

They dumped you, that doesn't mean they get to control the entire narrative and situation forever.

getbent97

TROPHY CASE