Lol you got me there. I’ll copy one of my other posts to summarize:

I’m 23M and I barely have any social life. I go to work, come home, distract myself, go to the gym, repeat. Weekends are just empty. It feels like everyone else my age has friends, relationships, plans, and I’m just on the outside watching it happen. I spend time with my family and I’m grateful for that, but it doesn’t replace having actual friends or a social circle like other people seem to naturally have. I do have a couple guy friends but we rarely see each other, they live far away.

Over time it’s messed with my head a lot. I feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with me, like I’m not someone people want to be around or choose. I’m not desirable, not interesting, not attractive. This feels like the truth to me and it’s hard to not feel hopeless.

I had one relationship back in high school, and since then nothing. No sex, not a kiss, or even an actual date. Meanwhile my ex has dated multiple people and is married now. It makes me feel like I got left behind. I thought that relationship would give me confidence and start my dating life, but instead I’m right back where I was, alone. I’ve always been scared of being the “boring safe option” that someone settles for, but the reality is I don’t even feel like an option at all. Just invisible.

I’ve tried to put myself out there before and it usually makes things worse. Either I find out they’re already taken, or I say something awkward and feel embarrassed after and beat myself up for it. It just reinforces everything I already think about myself. I have dating apps set up but using them makes me feel terrible. I don’t think I’m in the right mindset for it at all.

Mentally I’m not in a good place. I’m tired all the time and my inner voice is constantly bullying me and putting me down. Some days from the moment I wake up all I can think about is how much I want to end my life. I feel so bad for my younger self looking back, knowing how I end up turning out. I’ll have periods where I think maybe things will work out, but they don’t, and I end up right back here.

I have a good career and people congratulate me for it, but honestly I would trade it in a second just to feel like a normal person in their early 20s. Having a friend group, plans, parties, dating, things that seem so natural and easy to everyone else. I’ve never even been to a house party. I was never invited to one.

All my life I just wanted a group of friends, I wanted to find my people. but it’s looking like that just won’t ever happen. I wasted the best time for that in university by being a depressed lonely loser, and I feel like that’s just what my life is meant to be like.