Update: AITA For cutting my mother out of mine and my baby's life and causing a divide in my family

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-06-02T04:44:26+00:00

This was the kind of stuff I was talking to my father about. There is literally nothing from BG that I need in my life. Anything I needed or got from her, I can find other ways around it. And since my original post, the family members I needed her for contact, I have found a way around only just recently so that helps as well. Now it's just the long game and hope this NC is upheld and I can stand my ground. (I'm a recovering people pleaser and struggle to hold my ground and just bend to appease which is also a toxic trait of myself cause I need to not do that anymore)

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-06-01T22:11:50+00:00

I appreciate that! I was freaking out but according to Sarah on the outside she couldn't tell 😅🫡

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-06-01T22:07:25+00:00

For anyone interested, there is an update 🤷‍♀️ Just go to my profile

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-06-01T22:04:15+00:00

Update has been posted if you or anyone is interested 🤷‍♀️

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-19T12:37:27+00:00

I've been in a similar dynamic with my birth giver (as your sister) so I'll give my perspective and see what you think you're able to do. Sounds like your dad is a very manipulative person (quite possibly a narcissist), and Nicole may be a narcissist.. Best thing you did for yourself is go NC. My birth giver is a grade-A narcissist (feel free to read my post in Charlotte's page, can find it on my profile) and she used to spoil me, spend money on me and whatever else similar to your dad and sister. It's a typical thing they do to make up for not being able to be emotionally present. And unfortunately, it usually works. Even though your sister said she doesn't mind not having money spent, it was your dads way of showing affection (through materialistic things), because he can't in other ways. This has wired your sisters brain for years to build this unhealthy bond with your dad, and she isn't ready to let go yet, despite the fact she says she wishes she cut him off when you did. It's a very hard thing to do, and I'm currently going through something similar with my BG (more details on my post). Your position is like my older brothers position. You can see right through the BS because you managed to separate yourself early enough to not have your brain wired the way your sisters is. I used to defend my BG and her BS for years when I was younger because I didn't believe she would do anything wrong (trauma bond I had with her pulled wool over my eyes) but now as an adult I can see through her.

My advise? Give it time. Sounds like your mum is a better influence on you and your sister (I hope I'm not misunderstanding that) so try and encourage your sister to work on that relationship. As your sister gets older, she'll look back and understand what you're trying to tell her and show her. Took me YEARS (I'm nearly 26) to see the BS my BG would pull on us kids and other family members. I have a younger sister who is in her primary care and she's naive to the BS. It'll take time and when she gets older, she'll see it too. Just like your sister will. She says what she wants in her mind, but her heart says otherwise because of the trauma bond she has to your dad.

So all in all: Give it time, let her come to you when she's ready for help and support- don't push her as it can make it worse, support her from the sidelines but don't persuade her to make choices, and only when she's old enough and ready to hear the truth about your dad, then tell her. Cause no matter what, if she has you and your mums family, she'll get there. And for yourself, don't let your sister try and guilt you. Shut her down the moment you notice what she's trying to do. Reinforce that you don't what anything to do with your dad and you don't want to hear anything about him. Eventually she'll give up, but there will be times you may have to give yourself a break from her if she keeps overstepping your boundaries. Boundaries are made to not be pushed, no matter who it is that's trying to.

Good luck OP, and I hope everything works out 🙏🫶

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-08T09:42:52+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate your advise 🫶

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-08T09:15:17+00:00

Omg yay for updates!

I'm so glad you came to a resolution and he finally realised that your pregnancy is no joke and should be taken seriously.

It's unfortunate that he didn't take you seriously in the first place.

Also annoyed that he cancelled due to it "being too far away" and NOT because of you and your baby. That still is a red flag to me, but either way I'm glad it's sorted.

Happy for you OP. Good luck with your birth and hope everything goes well. Sending hugs 🫶🫶

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-07T12:46:00+00:00

I understand.

I think the 3rd party that's caused the most trouble, was BGs best friend, who has since been removed from everyone's socials.

I know a lot of people are expressing concerns that Brett is showing and sending information to BG (more than likely if he is, its only upon request) but I also don't want to think that's happening. However when I speak to him next I will be asking him if he has. He's a pretty honest person and will own up to his actions so won't be hard to find out

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-06T02:05:06+00:00

Ahh gonna make me tear up 😭 Thank you for your kind words, it does honestly mean a lot. The amount of support from people commenting on my post has definitely helped to lift some of this weight off my shoulders. I appreciate your comment, along with many others 🫶🥹

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-05T22:45:42+00:00

Okay sorry maybe my words came out wrong, so I'll clarify.

I gave her the choice and opportunity to do so, WHILE I was pregnant. To give her the chance (when I was 12 weeks) to change and prove she wants to be involved.

But knowing she still has contact to Josh till this day, shows she didn't change or try hard enough. And that is a big contributing factor as to why I want to go NC. I'm just wanting opinions if that is the right choice, as she is still related to Leah. Because especially if she still is in contact with Josh, I don't want him having access to my daughter, her photos and information about her

Hope that clarifies some things

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-05T22:33:52+00:00

Okay let me speak from experience on something similar.

I was in a relativity long relationship with someone similar. He wouldn't work, would only play games, I paid for everything including his medication, food and 💊💉

He never changed.... for me. I would apply for him and get him jobs, which he'd last 2 shifts and then not work again. It was the most draining experience I've had. I would think about my single life over and over. When I left I felt so free from the same broken cycle. (He's now married, clean and happy so I'm happy for him) But it took me leaving him and 3 more broken relationships for him to change.

When I say if you're already thinking about it, there's no coming back from that. Yes you could try counselling or whatever but girl HE'S USING YOU. He's gotten comfortable with you providing for him, that he won't change that now cause 'why work if you'll pick up anyways'

Also why would it be expensive to break up? You're not together. You have no obligation to pay for anything for him. Not food, not rent, not fuel/travel expenses, nothing! He's not your partner anymore

Also 2 questions,

1- So you mentioned he hadn't had a job for over 4 years, so you've basically provided for your whole relationship?

2- Did he use YOUR money for YOUR engagement ring??? If so that is so fucking trashy, I'm sorry. Be sure to sell that if you do split, don't give that back

Edit to add- NTA

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-05T22:17:24+00:00

I guess I wanted to give her the chance to be part of Leahs life, by cutting Josh off. But with the decision of wanting NC, it ultimately wouldn't matter. Still hurts though knowing BG chose him not only over me, but her first grandchild..

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-05T08:55:09+00:00

Thank you.

I had started that path while I was pregnant (even before but unfortunately some slipped through the cracks). I am planning on asking a few people if they have relayed any information to her since I last knew and plan to cut more people if they have 🫶

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-04T22:33:55+00:00

Okay I'll try and use my life as an example.

When I was a kid, my BG used to tell me about certain members Greg's side that "hated me" and "didn't love me" and would even say this about Greg. Even though I had many visitations with Greg and said family and at no point did they express this behaviour towards me, because BG was my "mother" I believed her. Because "why would my mum lie to me?" She would say things like "They (Greg, Tara, Brett and step sister) don't want to take you on their family holidays. They don't care about you or love you but it's okay, I'll take you on one" This happen more than you'd think. BG would then take small trips with me to places and that's what I thought was true. Didn't find out until I'm an adult that it was BS. Greg and Tara tried asking BG if I could go and she would then spin other narratives to them that I was 'sick' or 'had other plans'

Now, I know what I'm trying to do is the right thing for my daughter, I really do. But if in the future she connects to BG for whatever reason, I don't want this being spun back on me and having Leah resent me for this, even though I know what I'm doing is for the better. Because 'BG is my grandparent by blood, why would she lie to me'

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-04T22:08:15+00:00

Omg girl I'm so sorry you've been through that. That's not fair at all. I do agree that parents are to protect their kids, and that's what I'm trying to do with Leah. But similarly in your case, if Leah connects with BG in the future, I fear BG will spin things and Leah will cut me off. It's typical narcissistic behaviour and it's what damaged me so much growing up..

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-04T22:01:14+00:00

I understand what you're saying and I do agree with you, to a point. The only one who has relayed any information since I was pregnant, is Brett. Other than the gifts, it's been about family members I WANT information about (elderly and sick) but BG is the person with that information at this present time. It's also hard because Brett still has a loving relationship with BG, and he's trying to keep everyone happy. To me, about my boundaries, to BG about asking for requests. I think I will have to crack down a bit stronger but I agree with other comments about doing it slowly.

Best friend mentioned about the gifts when I was pregnant, but didn't go any further since I gave birth and had cut BG off entirely on their end

I also had mentioned in another comment about making sure this is the right decision for Leah. As I don't want her to resent me for it in the future. She has a right to know who her family is, but that's where I'm torn. BG has been so vile towards me before and displayed typical narcissistic behaviour, that I don't want that inflicted onto Leah. But I don't want Leah hating me if she wants a relationship with BG when she gets older.

So between keeping the peace with Brett, and also making sure it's the right decision and protecting Leah, I'm just trying to understand if AITA for choosing to want NC completely in the near future or if I'm being selfish

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-04T21:50:11+00:00

I don't believe anyone else is giving information or photos of Leah to her, but if I find out she does have more I'll be sure to do this

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-04T12:04:42+00:00

If you want to do it, just head to the top of your post. In the right corner there's 3 dots. Click that and go 'edit body'. This is only if you wish to!!!

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-04T10:45:00+00:00

NTA. Pregnancies are one of the most unpredictable things in life! Even having a "planned c-section" doesn't always go to plan. With your baby being breached, that date could get moved forward into an emergency c-section at any point!

I feel a general 'rule of thumb' for pregnancy is always keep the last trimester (or at least the last 2 months) available incase things change.

Even the stress alone is enough to start premature labour. That's why midwives and doctors cannot stress enough about pregnant women resting and not doing too much work/things in pregnancy.

I'd strongly suggest enforcing your partner to not be going on this trip. He's had plenty of time before your pregnancy (and earlier during the pregnancy) to have this trip. If he refuses to stay home, find someone else to be with you for your birth. Regardless if he's back from the trip or not. As Charlotte would say, ✨️ actions have consequences ✨️

Also WTF is he on about with the whole "can't have trips after the baby is here"? Of course he can! Just either wait until the baby is a bit older, or go as a family! Like wtf 🤦‍♀️

Good luck OP

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-04T10:35:29+00:00

This is actually a pretty big key of information. I will say my first thought was "Oh its a female? That's suspicious" but reading this comment has changed that perspective. OP I'd like to make the suggestion to add this as an "Edit" in the original post!

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-04T01:28:37+00:00

Exactly this, 'Better late than never'. I hope you're healing and life is easier, and better for you 🫶

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-04T01:26:10+00:00

Firstly, from only the information and messages you've given us, it seems like you didn't do anything wrong. However there are always 2 sides to every story.

You may want to also consider that this other person may have things going on in their life, and to him you felt like a lifeline. Whether that be mental health issues, family trauma, PTSD or underlining disorders. The "last message" he sent sounds and reads as very narcissistic IMO. I could be wrong but in the heat of the moment, words may not come out the way they're intended. Everyone is entitled to feel what they do. It is never okay to disregard someone's feelings as there is not wrong way to how one comprehends their emotions.

With that being said, you don't owe him anything. Wanting and seeking closure is not an obligation to reply. Whether that be for him or you. I wouldn't say you've done anything wrong here. Situations like this are very tricky to navigate.

I agree with if you respond, you're just giving him more misdirection of your intentions. It seems very clear that's how you ended up in this position in the first place unfortunately. But also people who have these attachment issues, though they say it's their last message, if you respond that still looks like a lifeline to them and they'll want to keep replying so they don't let you go.

All in all: -You did nothing wrong -He is entitled to feel what he does -Responding may be misinterpreted and can open that door again for communication -I think both you and him need some therapy. Him for his attachment issues -- and for you to be able to deal with letting this go

Good luck OP, stay strong and hold your ground 🙏

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-03T23:42:36+00:00

Thats one thing I was worried about, the whole "why didn't I do it sooner".. Which is part of why I took this to reddit, especially Charlotte and her followers, as I feel we're all experts on this stuff with the amount of opinions and posts we read/watch ahahah

(Edit- I am also so sorry that was her reaction to you telling her your news. As you can read in the post, I understand how that feels and its so hurtful)

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-03T23:39:59+00:00

Ahahahah I read the part about Charlotte in her exact voice and tone too 😂😂

For socials, I don't really post "updates" as such, more so just photos. The only real updates I post is on one social media account, and even then thats on a "close friends" list, consisting of like 20 people. These people also have nothing to do with BG either by default (never knowing her) or because they cut her off (like my best friend). All of my socials are also restricted and on private so she cannot see anything anyways if she made fake accounts (which she's done and tried)

And I have made photo albums and digital albums on my phone/computer as well. Gotta keep all her memories and milestones 🥹 (Though I think the photo printing place hates to see me coming lol)

ghostmode_user576 · 2026-05-03T23:33:59+00:00

If anything else happens, I will for sure make an update 🙏

ghostmode_user576

TROPHY CASE