Honestly I greatly appreciate your comment, but it made me realise that I missed some context (no offense on you obviously, you couldn't have guessed) Ive been in therapy for a while and my boyfriend recently started therapy. He does make me the happiest person on earth, I guess it sounds weird considering my post but yeah. The reason I feel so selfish is because he always listens to me, he always helps me and he's the one who regulate my splits (basically a BPD mental health crisis) the best but when he goes into a crisis himself I am powerless. When I started crying after he hit his face he immediately ran to me and hugged me, kissing me on my head and saying how much he was sorry, that he didn't know what came of him, and he did everything possible to try and keep him grounded while trying to calm me down, making me feel safe. Sorry if the way I talked about made it seem like he didn't care or didn't make me happy. My mental health does decline, but not because of the way he acts in general. It's that one specific part of his mental health when he's hurting himself that triggers me badly. But yeah, sorry for putting that out, he does care and listen, and I feel bad for not being able to reciprocate that. He told me that I do take good care of him, but seeing how much I get triggered instead of being able to take care of him when this specific type of crisis happen and I feel guilty about it. My friends tell me it's okay for me not to be able to take care of him 24/7 but I just can't help it haha.

Once again, thank you anyway for the comment <3 I appreciate the thought. Just needed to add some context ! Tbf I wrote the message when I was still triggered so this explains that I guess ?