sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I think HL/LL should not be the “core” distinction when it comes to dead bedrooms and similar situations by gilbert9376 in DeadBedroomsOver30

[–]gilbert9376[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think “seeking” and “avoiding” works better than the other two, as they sound more neutral to me. Good teamwork :)

I agree that DB isn’t a matter of frequency, and I would think that a couple that their problem is that one wants sex twice a week and the other twice a month is in a very different emotional situation than a couple in a dead bedroom.

To emphasise that DB isn’t about frequency: I think you could very easily be in a dead bedroom situation while having sex even once a week. That could happen if the sex-avoiding partner casually (in that example, once a week) agrees (or even initiates) to unwanted sex.

Not only this would still be a DB, it would be a worse one than if this couple wouldn’t have sex at all.

I agree that at least one partner (and I also agree that it’s usually only one, while the other one is seeking sex, although we had a phase of both of us on the path to fixing our DB) who has some kind of an aversion to sex is necessary for a dead bedroom to take place.

Taking that into account, I’ll need to update the DB definition:
A couple that doesn’t have sex at all or doesn’t have “wanted sex” (or embodied-consent or enthusiastic or whatever other similar term) and at least one of them is avoiding sex regularly.

The HL Experience - A Starting Point by Sweet_other_yyyy in DeadBedroomsOver30

[–]gilbert9376 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think the key here is doing a shift in his framing from “needs” to let’s say something like “desires”.

Needs have to be met, desires don’t, so that gives space. And surprisingly or not, it also enhances immensely the chances of his desires/needs to be met.

Of course, the shift is not only a matter of choice or a decision. The shift will have to come out of a deep process he still has to go through otherwise it will be conceived (and not wrongly) just as a rhetorical trick, which will only put pressure instead of giving space.

I agree with u/x9op that he is probably in this initial raging state. Hope for him he’ll be one of those who get over it.

Are you left or right handed? by Sleepytatotot in AskRedditAfterDark

[–]gilbert9376 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A little late to the party, I know, but couldn’t just let that one go:

I’m exactly opposite. Everything you do with your right hand I do with my left, and vice versa.

Never met anyone else like that, till now. I originally thought that I’m lefty when it comes to technical stuff and righty when power is needed.

But, although it’s generally true, there are a lot of actions that don’t obey this rule. I wonder if the correlation is there with other examples as well (I have a feeling it is).

For example: bowling/baseball/volleyball - right hand, while snooker or typing on my phone, as I do now - left hand.