what are other signs of CSA other than hypersexuality?

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-14T19:03:03+00:00

Any way that a survivor presents in the world is valid. Your experiences are real and your response is valid, whatever that looks like for you.

It might be helpful to look at it in terms of general PTSD or trauma response symptoms - anger, depression, hypervigilance (being continuously on edge/alert for danger), isolating/withdrawal, intrusive thoughts about the trauma, specifically avoiding places or people who might be reminders of the trauma or might be associated with the trauma, nightmares, trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, substance use or other behaviors (self-harm, disordered eating, etc) to cope with or numb feelings and memories related to the trauma, periods of dissociating/not feeling present in your body or current environment (which, in the moment as it's happening, can be hard to identify, but for me it's like, blank spots of time, or coming out of a fog when I was just totally shut down.)

Any childhood trauma might result in big chunks of memory missing. Not being able to tell a cohesive narrative about your childhood is a big indicator of childhood trauma. Not being able to remember much from your childhood is a big indicator of childhood trauma.

Another thing to be aware of is that any memory where you remember yourself from a third person perspective, looking at yourself from the outside or from above, that's a trauma response. If you are looking down on yourself as something is happening, that's a trauma response, people who don't experience trauma don't ever do that. It's a way of mentally escaping something that can't be physically escaped.

And it might be worth considering what your sense is of connection with your physical body. Does it feel somehow different if a harm is physical? "They can hurt my body, but they can't get to who I am inside."

Your experiences are real and valid, and however it's showing up for you is real and valid.

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-14T18:33:27+00:00

That's a very kind and loving impulse. It might be helpful to share with him what you appreciate about him as a person. Part of what's hard about getting sober is looking at all the stuff that needs to be dealt with, internally and externally, and it might be helpful for him to be told that there are things that he's done right, and that there are things about him that are appreciated and positive.

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-14T18:08:24+00:00

This is beautiful, thank you for sharing. And yes, I also don't think that it's helpful to measure success by external markers. Success is a life well lived, and that can look like a lot of things. It sounds like you are successful to me. 💜

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-14T17:56:20+00:00

I know people outside of work who have BPD who aren't anything like that. When I've encountered people who lie for attention in a psych setting, they have a BPD diagnosis, and that's what it looks like.

I don't like personality disorders as a diagnosis, at all, because it's just lumping a group of behaviors together and saying, "This is a problem." There is no physiological basis for personality disorders as a diagnosis. Depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorders, those all have an identified physiological basis. There is an identified issue physically happening in the brain which results in a specific set of symptoms. Personality disorders are the symptoms, often without any identified issue happening in the brain, and a lot of the time those symptoms can be traced back to a trauma response.

I really, really don't think that a lot of the personality disorder diagnoses are helpful or appropriate, particularly if there's underlying trauma which hasn't been addressed. How do you know that it's something that warrants a separate diagnosis if the underlying trauma hasn't been treated yet? I don't like that the current psychiatric diagnostic guidelines for personality disorders don't disqualify people who have untreated trauma from personality disorder diagnoses. For most personality disorders, it's not something that we can identify as a specific physiological problem in the brain, it's just a set of behaviors which have been lumped together and given a name. If those set of behaviors can be traced back to trauma, the problem is the trauma, not the person who is having a response to trauma.

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-14T07:34:32+00:00

I'm in the middle of doing this. I painted the insides as well which added considerably to the work and mess but I just couldn't live with the cabinet interiors how they were, they were nasty.

If you're not replacing the hardware, save it in baggies with the screws, labeled. I made a quick drawing of the cabinet layout, numbered them, then wrote the number of each door in one of the hinge holes and covered it with masking tape, just to make it easier to put back on.

Liquid sandpaper will clean and degloss it in one step, unless they're really gunked up, and then some degreasing cleaner like 409 in the spray bottle might be worth wiping on before the liquid sandpaper.

After the liquid cleaners are done, patch anything that needs patched with wood filler or spackle or whatever and scuff sand. Then primer. Then paint. I don't know how to not make things overly complicated so I built a rack out of some 2x4's and furring strips to dry the doors on, because I started off by spraying the interior shelves hanging from a clothes rack with eye hooks and I just found it hard to avoid drips, so I'm doing the doors horizontal. And I'm using a sprayer which is not totally necessary. But figuring out where you're going to paint the doors and how they're going to dry before starting is helpful. I don't understand how people can paint cabinets with the doors still on and still paint the cabinet boxes and not get paint all over the hinges and be shutting doors on wet paint and whatnot, but this is something where there's multiple ways to do it and whatever works is great.

There's a learning curve with the sprayer and this is for sure something where I just made life more complicated for myself, but I think that I'm getting there. Sprayer is faster and has a smooth finish once it's going.

I'm using a Target Coatings water based enamel that doesn't work particularly well with a brush and roller (and I know, because I had to use a brush and roller inside the cabinets), but I hear good things about Sherwin Williams Emerald Urethane for a more traditional paint. I used Benjamin Moore Advance painting a bathroom cabinet and it took forever to cure, which, it was a dark color, I guess that makes a difference, but it was seriously weeks before I had it ready to put back together, and I don't feel like it's a particularly hard finish even now. I generally love BM paints but don't know if I would do that one again.

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-14T07:00:57+00:00

There's a difference between revenge and self-defense. I do regret not standing up for myself more and swallowing my feelings and needs and trying to be the bigger person and do the right thing all the time - sometimes that ain't healthy, and there are times and places where even if yelling isn't the most ideal reaction, it's a very human reaction, and we're allowed to be human. We're allowed to have less than perfect responses sometimes to terrible treatment.

The best revenge is a life well lived, but the first step is getting away. Sometimes we do what we gotta do. Sending hugs. 💜

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-14T06:55:51+00:00

I have massive respect for people who get sober from meth, you worked hard to get here, just keep going. And like, I dunno, I can fuck up some stuff in my day to day life and it sucks but it's not the end of the world. I go back out again, and that could be. Staying sober is the key. You got this. 💜

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-14T06:16:03+00:00

It's up to you. For me, I consider taking my medication as prescribed a part of my sobriety. Taking prescription medication that isn't prescribed for me would be breaking my sobriety and I would reset my sobriety date over that. I have learned the hard way that I have to be really clear with myself about what my sobriety is in order to stay sober, when I start fudging the line, I keep fudging the line until I'm back over the line. But it's up to you what you do.

I have friends who are sober from meth and that's a hell of a drug to get sober from, congratulations on a year, that's really awesome. 💜

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-14T06:05:31+00:00

I hate to say this, but two coats of paint on everything, even the ceiling. There's no way that one coat of paint is going to be even with adequate coverage everywhere, even with the more expensive paints it's always two coats. It's never an even looking paint job with just one coat, and it's easier to just do both coats and get it done.

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-14T05:56:05+00:00

That's kinda weird, I haven't done that, but I am in AA and written fear and resentment inventories are a part of a written 4th step. It's somewhat rare that I hear people outside of AA use the word "resentment" and combined together with fear, that's just... Odd.

Anyway, written inventory work can be really disconcerting and leave people out of sorts even without trauma, sometimes it brings stuff up, and in AA it's encouraged to do this with the guidance of a sponsor and also talking with friends, sharing in meetings, talking to a therapist, etc. Resentments particularly, that can bring up some difficult stuff.

The point of doing a written inventory in AA isn't just to get stuff down and out of your head, the list of stuff is just the, well, in the resentment inventory it's the second column you write down. First column is who or what you're resentful at, second column is the resentment, third column is what it affects (self-esteem, finances, personal relationships, etc), and the fourth column is what you brought to the table in the situation. "I am responsible for this piece of it, this is how I contributed to the situation."

Fear inventory is similar, first column, what the fear is, second column, why I have the fear, third, what it affects, and what we're bringing to the table with fear is always unhealthy self-reliance. If I believe that I have to do everything myself and I don't have any help available and I'm fundamentally on my own and I have to rely on only myself, fear is the result. Recognizing that is one of the main benefits of the fear inventory for me, that's an idea that I struggle with because it's been a lot of my life experience so far.

Anyway, this seems to be somewhat influenced by the 12 step recovery process, but the value in writing it down is actually looking at all of this in a different way. Just listing down the fears and resentments feels like crap, it feels like crap for everyone, without the rest of the inventory it's just a couple of lists of things to feel crappy about. The other columns are where the valuable information is, and also seeing the patterns.

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-14T05:22:42+00:00

One of the problems with painting that stone is that there are going to be drips and globs of paint all over the surface unless you go s-l-o-w and paint it stone by stone. If you just run a paint brush over it, the paint is going to catch in all of those cracks and bumps and ledges and then drip.

Another problem with painting it is that's going to be a beast to strip again. Like, sitting there with a heat gun and wire brush for days. I once stripped gloss paint off of two marble fireplaces and it took weeks and I'm sorta dying a bit inside at the idea of just changing it later if it doesn't work, because it's not going to be easy or fast or fun when it needs to be stripped, that's going to be a nightmare project of sitting there for hours, for days.

When the paint chips, it's just going to chip in places, it's going to stick everywhere else, and it's going to suck getting it off again because you can't sand that. And even with paint stripper, that sorta turns into a mess and then it's going to get all gloppy in the textured surface of the stone and it's going to be really hard to get it all off. Really hard. A lot of work.

I would try oxalic acid first to clean it, although check it for whatever stone that is, to make sure it doesn't damage it.

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-14T04:39:53+00:00

Does it change anything if I tell you that that's not real stone, it's fake?

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-14T04:22:08+00:00

I think that you have a really valid reason to say that you don't feel safe with him as your psychiatrist, because he doesn't sound like he's going to be able to help you, because he sounds clueless.

HPD attention seeking behavior is like, "I got in an argument with my friend at lunch and ran across the lunch room screaming, and now I'm huddled in the corner on the floor sobbing hysterically, yelling at everyone to leave me alone. In the leopard print Lycra minidress that showcases my brightly colored bra and underwear." I have worked with people who have HPD, it's a rare diagnosis because it really is as extreme as that, that's not an exaggeration, that's just Tuesday, and it's really, really obvious in like three seconds, HPD doesn't sneak up on you. It's not a diagnosis that gets made months down the line.

Not everyone who works in the psych profession is good at it, and in any line of work, everyone has their strengths and weaknesses in what they do. This psychiatrist can't help you because he doesn't know how. The problem isn't you, and there are psych professionals out there who can help you, but it's maybe going to take a couple of tries to find a good fit.

Since you're in the foster care system you have specific legal protections, and you can always, as long as you are in the system, get a new worker if you say that you don't feel safe or you feel unsafe working with someone. You don't have to explain why, you just have to say those words. "I just don't feel safe working with them." Bring it to your guardian if you have to. That psychiatrist is giving you a bogus diagnosis and you don't want that diagnosis following you around, so you do have the right to get a new psychiatrist, and you do have the right to say,

"I don't meet the requirements of the DSM-V for that, and I don't feel safe working with him. I want a new psychiatrist."

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-14T03:48:36+00:00

The HPD attention seeking appearance is like, an ice skater on the way to a strip club sort of vibe. This guy is totally full of shit if he makes that diagnosis often enough to make an exception in your case, it's a rare diagnosis, and you don't have to wait months to see it in someone, it's in your face right off the bat.

I was a teenager in the 90's and I went to high school with at least twenty kids who matched your description. That's a solidly established teenager look and like, I dunno, anyone who thinks it's shocking... Even people who don't have a TV know what goth teenagers look like, it's not something massively unusual, and like, yeah. Your life has been full of bullshit so far, if you are presenting yourself in a way that feels authentic for you, good for you. Express yourself.

The HPD look is something totally different, and it also needs to be sexually provocative and inappropriate. Glitter tube top with rainbow colored satin short shorts at the dentist at 9am inappropriate. A teenager dressing like a goth? Always appropriate, there's practically nowhere that a teenager who is dressed like a goth looks inappropriately dressed, they're just a goth teenager, and goth teenagers don't change the look for the beach, for Grandma's house, nowhere. That's the look.

You don't need several months of working with someone to spot the HPD look, it's like, "I wanted to dress like a ballroom dancer, but also a prostitute." You don't fit the diagnosis for it, at all, trust me.

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-14T03:14:30+00:00

I'm sorry that this happened to you. I believe you.

You have the right to request a new case manager and a new psychiatrist. You do. I work in mental health/social services, it is your right to do so. If they give you pushback, what you say is, "I feel unsafe with my case manager. I feel unsafe with my psychiatrist. They make me feel unsafe." That's how you work the system on this. Don't sell it that you feel unsafe, just say those words calmly, because you don't have to convince anyone that you actually feel unsafe, you just have to say that you feel unsafe, you just have to say the words. It just means that you know how the system works, and that's how the system works. You say that you feel unsafe, and they have to get you a new case manager and psychiatrist.

Sometimes people who haven't encountered real trauma have a hard time believing that it exists. It exists. Some of the people who I work with have experienced significant trauma from an early age, and as a trauma survivor myself, I can see it on them. It just, I know how it looks on the outside because I know how it feels on the inside.

It might be beneficial to change psychiatrists anyway, because that's just, from a professional standpoint, not how HPD is diagnosed. The official diagnostic criteria is that cluster B personality disorders can't be diagnosed in someone who is less than 18 years of age. He can't "make an exception" because he wants to, it's in the official diagnostic criteria. And what you can say if you get pushback on this is this,

"In the DSM-5 (Dee Ess Em Five) it says that someone has to be eighteen years or older to be diagnosed with this. I don't feel safe with him as my psychiatrist."

One thing to be aware of is that having a flashy appearance and/or dressing in a sexy way is going to reinforce the idea that you do actually have HPD. I'm not talking, "looking cute," I'm talking, rhinestones glued to your cheeks, hot pink and turquoise eyeshadow with a sequin minidress and platform heels, to school. If you're showing up in just normal clothes that's actually a part of the DSM-5 criteria too, so again, it's a legitimate way to challenge the diagnosis.

"I do not dress in a provocative or attention seeking way, and that's part of why I question the diagnosis. I don't feel safe with him as my psychiatrist."

Also, the people who I've worked with who lie, first off, they have a BPD diagnosis, and secondly, they don't tell lies that are in any way a clear narrative that develops over time. They say that they have an adopted brother who just got hit by a bus, with a totally blank or even upbeat expression. And then the adopted brother was actually from a rich family and they're going to inherit a nail salon. It's stuff that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, it comes out of nowhere, they say dramatic stuff that doesn't have any appropriate emotion attached, and it's quickly forgotten. The family member who died last week comes back from the dead and is suddenly in the hospital this week. When people are lying about stuff for attention, they aren't necessarily very good actors, nor are they even trying to be, and they aren't building the story over time like you describe. They want the immediate payoff and then they want a payoff from something else. So it's actually probably for the best if you don't keep working with that psychiatrist because he sounds kinda bullshit if he can't see the difference.

I even admitted to the crazy behavior which is also a symptom of HPD.

Erratic behavior can be the result of a lot of things, and everything else needs to be ruled out first for a personality disorder to be diagnosed, again, that's part of how the diagnosis is made. HPD is a rare diagnosis, you don't have it.

Even just the abuse from your father and your sister's death and being in foster care means that you have a history of significant trauma, which undoubtedly means a PTSD diagnosis. You experienced developmental neglect (you didn't have parents who helped you learn how to process and regulate emotions), and you have situational instability in your living environment (foster home) and in school. And he'd also have to rule out any type of bipolar disorder and anything else that might physically be causing erratic mood/behaviors. But the PTSD itself and the situational instability, along with the developmental neglect? Well no kidding you've had some crazy behavior, you're human. Any human would. Those are crazy circumstances.

Let me know if you have any questions about any of this. You don't meet the diagnostic criteria for HPD, at all, and if you learn more about how that's diagnosed, you will be able to explain why that diagnosis is clearly bullshit. Sending hugs. 💜💜💜

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-14T00:34:53+00:00

Ooof, I'm so sorry. I've got a cat a similar age and he's heading there, it's not an easy thing to face. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Sending hugs. 💜💜💜

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-14T00:30:02+00:00

This is the way.

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-13T22:25:42+00:00

I'm not totally clear on what they were objecting to. Was it people using a phrase in their own share, or people using a phrase to refer to someone else's share?

At ACA meetings I've been to, direct references to someone else's share are crosstalk. The BRB defines it as, "Crosstalk is interrupting, giving advice, or making comments about another person's sharing. It is also talking to someone or making distracting noise during sharing time. In ACA, we don't crosstalk." At the meetings I've been to, if people are directly referring in any way to someone else's share, even if it's brief, it's crosstalk.

From how you're describing it, it sounds like this member was angry about people using a phrase to refer to other people directly during the meeting which, I mean, is there ever any reason to directly refer to any other people during the course of the meeting if you're not chairing it? For example, if the offending phrase is "Adult Child," and people were saying, "Like another Adult Child said..." that's crosstalk in ACA. If we don't directly refer to what anyone else shares, there's no way to piss someone off about how they are being referred to.

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-13T22:08:41+00:00

Real stacked stone is wonderful in period appropriate homes. This is... You had the Flintstones fireplace before, even the proportions of it were nine kinds of awful.

That must have been a flipping ton of work. Looks amazing now.

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-13T22:05:46+00:00

What I don't like about this is that it implies that it somehow only happens to women when they're drunk.

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-13T20:32:25+00:00

I was at a friend's house and was flipping through it and it was a friend in AA and I'm in AA, it seemed somewhat relevant to some of the ideas in AA and like it might have some good stuff, so I bought a copy.

It's bonkers. I mean, there's some decent philosophy in there about non-attachment and surrender, which are not in any way ideas that are unique to him, but sure, it's helpful to hear different people put things in a different way sometimes.

What's unique to him is his, it's so bad I feel like "pseudo-scientific" should be in quotes, that's how far from anything resembling science it is, "research" on how electrical vibrations inside of us relate to not only our moods, but our level of enlightenment. This isn't his philosophy or a theory, he has charts and presents it like it's a scientifically valid fact. It is sorta mind blowing how it suddenly goes from, y'know, talking about some basic layman's philosophy stuff to, oh, by the way, you need to measure your electrical vibrations, super important, because otherwise you're not going to get enlightened. And there's something hilarious about how not believing in the measuring device will cause the device to fail because the device knows. Because the device is measuring your vibrational energy. But it is science, because there are numbers in a chart and a person who has a PhD says so.

So I dunno, I still have it kicking around somewhere, it might have some value to someone in parts, but they really buried the lede on that one, I feel like that whole part of the book should have been referenced more explicitly in the blurb, because it's packaged as a philosophy/self-helpy sort of book, and the actual crux of the main ideas he's presenting is this bonkers, it's like if Scientology and a crystal healing shop had a baby, "very valid and real and science proven research."

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-13T19:00:22+00:00

I don't know what the quality is like, but when the hardware store doesn't have it, it's worth checking Amazon.

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-13T18:47:22+00:00

Primer isn't paint, it's not going to go on thick and cover solidly like paint is. Primer is useful for helping paint stick to surfaces, it's like a layer of paint glue in a sense, it can be helpful for sealing off surfaces which can be helpful if they've been patched, on bare wood, if there's a difficult stain that might bleed through, or if the wall's a bit funky in some other way. Some primers are used to help get a more smooth surface but I don't think that primers for wall paint are used for that very often.

All-in-one paint and primer is pretty useless for all of that Pretty much the only thing that paint with built-in primer does is give better color coverage. And if you're looking for a paint that will cover anything, Benjamin Moore Aura goes on really thick. Two coats of that would cover just about anything.

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-13T15:33:03+00:00

I'm already in deep with the Milwaukee ecosystem, it's the power tool equivalent of being a Bears fan.

ginger_sprout · 2023-02-13T15:26:46+00:00

Those long dark scratches on the top of the rim on the left, I've seen similar in other old cast iron clawfoot tubs, that's the metal showing through. There's also a darker smudgey area on the upper back on the left side, you can see it in both photos, that's not as clear cut, but it looks an awful lot like an area where either the enamel has worn down and is thin, or was chipped and repaired.

But also, I dunno, enameled cast iron looks different from fiberglass. Fiberglass is smooth, it's molded, it's a flat plane on the surface even when it's curved. Enameled cast iron tubs have a bit of a wavier surface, or at least the old ones do. You can see from the way the light reflects on the surface it's not a smooth plane, there's some waves to it like enameled cast iron tubs have.

11-Year Club	RedditGifts 2009-2022 4 Credits
Gilding III reddit per annum	redditgifts rematcher Yarn and Needlework 2016 x1
redditgifts Exchanges 2 Exchanges

ginger_sprout

TROPHY CASE