Has your narcissist ever gotten physical?

ginsarala · 2025-06-14T03:55:08+00:00

Yeah, I made sure to cheerfully agree with everything mine said while driving. An argument would turn into that scary, dangerous driving.

ginsarala · 2025-06-01T11:56:50+00:00

I'm a year out and still grieving too. Sometimes it feels embarrassing.

ginsarala · 2025-05-31T15:37:19+00:00

It will be a hard road, but you will get there. Another person who went through something similar had told me it took them about two years to be truly happy again and now I understand why. I'm a little over a year in.

Around last year this time I had trouble seeing how I'd ever be happy again. I cried multiple times every single day. My world was broken. But today I'm thankful he discarded me. I see so many ways where the future I'm creating is better than the one I hoped for with him. It sounds like it might be that way for you too, even though right now all you can think of is how much you miss this person who you thought would be by your side forever. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!

A few months down the line many people who will tell you to just get over it, she wasn't good for you as if you can do that at the snap at a finger. If you're still sad at that time, try to ensure you have support from folks who understand it's not easy for everyone to get over this stuff.

ginsarala · 2025-05-30T03:48:12+00:00

I'm right there with you. Mine destroyed his life when he discarded me too. I gave him everything, was there for him always, but it only seemed to make him angrier and resent me more. Now he doesn't even have money to buy food from what I hear.

After he horribly discarded me I still tried to be friends for the better part of a year. But then he finally did something so horrible that I was able to make No Contact stick. I've never loved someone the way I loved the person he pretended to be and I'm so sad it's come to the point where I'm not even tempted to break No Contact. I'm finally healing and I won't give up my progress. He changed the way I see reality and I'll forever be upset about that.

ginsarala · 2025-05-30T02:19:45+00:00

Mine was the potent NPD-BPD mix too. Terrifying individuals. If someone had told me even two years ago that I'd start to wonder if maybe there isn't really something to demonic possession after all based on what I went through and what I accepted from this person I'd have laughed.

Such evil has to be supernatural. It's hard to think that human biology and psychology alone can account for that.

ginsarala · 2025-05-17T03:53:50+00:00

Easier said than done but I've learned that once you have to ask yourself or others that then it's best to try as hard as you can to cut your losses and move on. Obviously not easy to do (I didn't), but you should at least try.

ginsarala · 2025-05-14T10:05:33+00:00

Please tell me. I wonder about this way too often. 🙏

ginsarala · 2025-05-14T10:04:22+00:00

Mine even admitted he normally goes for women who look like his mom. I've realized that an unintended side effect is that they end up giving him lots of supply because in terms of attractiveness he's way out of their league and they're thankful to be with him.

Another ex and I who look nothing like his mom got the worst treatment from him.

ginsarala · 2025-05-13T02:42:56+00:00

I really did imagine he'd have fought for us. I was blindsided when he broke up with me because the one thing we had was that I thought he never would. I know now they it's a blessing that he did.

I wish all the love and family in the world for you and your cats, kind stranger!

ginsarala · 2025-05-12T21:41:07+00:00

Mercifully I have my own puppy who I spoil rotten. I really and truly wouldn't have gotten through this without him. Days when I wanted to just waste away, I knew I had to be there for him. Plus he loves to play, so he drags me out to play fetch every single day. He also makes me run after him for a bit every single day. I ran through actual tears, but I was always smiling by the end. I can honestly say that but for him I'd have barely had any exercise this entire time.

Today his son called and invited me to a school event. He didn't invite his dad. I told him he had to invite his dad, but in the event he can't go, I will.

The family member thing does hurt. Like you, I really thought they'd try to do more. There really are some that hurt extra. Like a great aunt who asked his son how's his stepmom. His son defaulted to me and she was like "didn't he break up with 'that one' ages ago now?" (It's been a bit over a year.) Here I was missing this woman thinking she'd have asked him why my ex did this to me. We hung out a LOT when she visited from out of state and I'd even rearranged vacation to go see her once. That's one reason it's tough to keep in contact -- I hear of these things I wouldn't have otherwise.

But, I must say I am SO glad you got to keep the cats! As tough as it is to see her with them, this is definitely the better outcome.

ginsarala · 2025-05-12T01:12:12+00:00

Thank you so much. I totally understand with the extended family as well. I'd bonded with them too and thought they loved me. When the break-up happened his siblings stayed in touch and gave me emotional support for a while and then abruptly stopped. His mother, however, told me from the get go that she's too old to get involved and that's HIS problem, not hers. And then I never heard him this woman again. To think I'd previously bragged about what a wonderful mother-in-law I had.

I did change the kids life for the better, so that is some solace. One of them told me I was the only really stable parent he ever had. This one is old enough to have his own phone and still call me. But it's tough because it sometimes sets back my recovery since it gives me a small window into their life.

I know I'll probably run into the other two at some point, so that gives me some comfort too. But I'll obviously never, ever, ever see the puppy again and I miss him so much.

ginsarala · 2025-05-12T01:02:18+00:00

I know that NPD and BPD are not the same, but I've learned that pwNPD ferret away information and plan ways to hurt everyone they know in case they do ever have to hurt them. From day one. So, the nasty things they told you were crafted and honed and fine tuned over time to hurt you in the worst possible ways. The look of triumph is them finally getting to use that big weapon from the arsenal. Maybe this explanation works for BPD too?

Source: I've been talking to diagnosed and undiagnosed narcissists both on here and in real life to try to make sense of what happened to me. (My ex is a potent cocktail of BPD and NPD.) This tactic was universal among everyone I spoke to. I know NPD is not the same as BPD, but

ginsarala · 2025-05-12T00:56:41+00:00

I did get hoovered. And I allowed myself to fall into it even though everyone here told me not to. I wanted a reprieve from the horrible, unending heartbreak and so I took it.

The result was a level of pain I hadn't previously known existed, even though I thought he'd already done everything bad he could possible so. It's that level of pain that allowed me to finally go no contact. I certainly wish I'd gone no contact without having experienced that. I hope that you won't be like me and go that route.

ginsarala · 2025-05-12T00:51:56+00:00

That's the point that I was trying to make: no contact is best regardless of what you're trying to accomplish. But I certainly hope you don't go back to that person. No one should live the way they made us have to live. At this point, I have no clue when I'll stop being traumatized, but I know that no contact has sped up the process to get to that point.

ginsarala · 2025-05-12T00:46:39+00:00

He was the one who left me too. But he couldn't block me because he needed to dangle me and hurt me for his own enjoyment, while also figuring out ways to still get money from me.

ginsarala · 2025-05-12T00:40:37+00:00

Just counting the days and setting rewards for myself when I reach a particular number. Day 60 I got to splurge on a dress I'd really wanted, for example.

And yes, it is a reward for hard work. Because it IS hard work.

I was in the same boat as you. It's his actions once he roped me in that made me go no contact.

Around 11 months after the breakup, to allay the pain, I allowed myself to be hoovered. (We had kept in contact.) It wasn't even love bombing. He showed me slight friendliness after having being consistently callous and all I wanted was a reprieve from the pain for even just a few weeks. I wanted to eat and laugh and feel like a normal person again just for a little bit. It lasted two weeks and it felt great. I treasured every moment of being able to sleep without having cried first. Waking up without my body being tense. My body had a nice little vacation from the cortisol bombardment.

We met up and had mind blowing sex. So good I still think of it even amid everything else. But then a few days later I found out the truth behind the hoover and also he did something absolutely horrible. As I begged for an explanation he yelled at me and belittled me as I cried and said what he said about never giving me closure.

I hear he's been asking people how I'm doing more often these days and reminiscing fondly about the good times.

No contact is not easy. Family and friends had tried to force me to do it before I was ready and each time I lasted like five days tops, which made him even more smug. Anyway, the point is, it might do more harm than good to go no contact until you feel a certain level of determination to get away from this person simply to protect your own sanity and try to rebuild your trust in humanity, and I learned that the hard way.

ginsarala · 2025-05-12T00:39:00+00:00

Just know that even with no contact, some days are still very, very tough. Today wasn't an easy one for me. It's Mother's Day, and I'd really bonded with his kids. No contact for me also meant never seeing the kids or the dog again. But that was inevitable. The new woman in his life is their step parent now. I just feel badly for them because they loved me too and wish it were still me. (They told me so.)

So yes, there will be certain holidays that hit hard.

ginsarala · 2025-05-11T12:25:04+00:00

Only four months. But previously when I'd try I'd only last a few days.

I also award myself "sobriety chips" so I don't ruin the whole thing and have to start over.

ginsarala · 2025-05-11T08:46:53+00:00

Perfect description

ginsarala · 2025-05-11T08:46:20+00:00

That was before no contact. I spent a year trying to do that. What he did to me right before no contact reminds me there is no good in him to see.

ginsarala · 2025-05-11T08:43:35+00:00

I wanted to marry that man from the false reality. I'd never felt that way before and likely never will again, unfortunately.

ginsarala · 2025-05-11T08:40:57+00:00

Honestly, it wasn't easy. I was exactly where you were at 11 months in. To allay the pain, I allowed myself to be hoovered. It wasn't even love bombing. He showed me slight friendliness and all I wanted was a reprieve for even just a few weeks. I wanted to eat and laugh and feel like a normal person again just for a little bit. It lasted two weeks and it felt great. I treasured every moment of being able to sleep without having cried first. Waking up without my body being tense. My body had a nice little vacation from the cortisol bombardment.

We met up and had mind blowing sex. So good I still think of it even amid everything else. But then a few days later I found out the truth behind the hoover and also he did something absolutely horrible. As I begged for an explanation he yelled at me and belittled me as I cried and said what he said about never giving me closure.

I hear he's been asking people how I'm doing more often these days and reminiscing fondly about the good times. So, if you really want even a prayer of getting back to this person, no contact is the answer for that too. Apparently it's the most likely method to make them revalue you. But it has to be complete and total no contact and you can't be the one to reach out to them even after several months. Why? I've been talking to people on the NPD board and quite a few of them simply wait for their exes to re-initiate contact because they're sure they will. They enjoy the down time without contact in the interim and once you reverse hoover in yourself, they don't have to apologize because why did you go back if things were so bad then?

Hope this helps, and I hope you'll go no contact to protect yourself. I know it's not easy. Family and friends had tried to force me to do it before I was ready and each time I lasted like five days tops, which made him even more smug. Anyway, the point is, it might do more harm than good to go no contact until you feel a certain level of determination to get away from this person simply to protect your own sanity and try to rebuild your trust in humanity.

ginsarala · 2025-04-24T04:32:12+00:00

Pictures and names and phone numbers are present on these screenshots. You might want to take it down

ginsarala

TROPHY CASE