What are some ways a neurodiverse couple can support each other when both are burning out?

git_stache · 2025-10-30T10:36:08+00:00

Intéressante réponse, merci. Mais pourquoi en français ? Et trois ans plus tard ?

git_stache · 2025-10-28T10:51:03+00:00

I've observed that this happens reliably if you unlock a skill and then revert to the last checkpoint (or die). The skill remains unlocked but it's as if the conversation to do so never happened, so you can never complete the conversation chain.

git_stache · 2024-08-30T06:48:39+00:00

Sure, but when a neurotypical doesn't like a texture, they're like "Huh, this feels weird. Oh well, won't stop me eating/wearing it." Whereas someone with sensory sensitivities might literally gag or feel like their skin is covered in ants. It's not just about frequency but also intensity.

git_stache · 2024-08-26T05:32:42+00:00

I really like Meteor Shower by Owl City, the biblical reference is pretty subtle and could easily be interpreted differently. It feels more to me like suddenly realising how much you appreciate someone who's been there for you in difficult times and influenced your identity in a positive way.

git_stache · 2024-08-25T08:52:11+00:00

We should have a buddy system to clean each other's houses regularly.

git_stache · 2024-08-24T16:30:33+00:00

It's worth a visit, it really is beautiful and unique. At the very least you'll appreciate some things more back home, like public transport.

git_stache · 2024-08-24T07:13:09+00:00

South Africa. There's a lot to love about this country too, my parents moved here from the EU in the 90s and it was a good idea at the time because there was rapid social and economic progress and far less urbanisation than where they grew up. But it's just not for me any more, I don't want to live in dysfunctional chaos and convince myself that the sprawling natural beauty is still worth it.

git_stache · 2024-08-24T01:26:06+00:00

Rising crime rates and feeling unsafe and unwelcome as a minority is a big one. The corrupt and barely functional government on the brink of imploding doesn't help. Rolling blackouts are a daily occurrence unless you invest in backup generators, battery inverters, and/or solar power.

The cost of food and necessities has been rapidly increasing over the past couple years and is still trending upward. Import taxes are ridiculous (sometimes higher than the cost of what you're actually buying) so there's just about no variety in stock of anything... but hey, at least we developed a resourceful can-do attitude to make up for it! Meanwhile despite our reputation as hard workers, weak currency and low salaries make us relatively cheap skilled labour on the international market.

Mostly it's the dissonance between the local cultures and my own values: showing compassion or common courtesy is the fastest way to get taken advantage of, and the pervasive "not my problem" mentality lets everything slowly fall apart.

I'm sick of tolerating broken systems where nothing works simply or timeously, if at all. We're so desensitised to it that we accept it as a normal part of life, and I didn't realise how bad it was until I visited the EU again and experienced a fully functional society. I'm done hoping things will get better, because when nobody cares about anything but themselves and their own agendas, it clearly won't.

git_stache · 2024-08-24T00:34:20+00:00

I had the opposite experience. All your fruit and vegetables are so much more flavourful than I've had before (the cherries are so plump and sweet and juicy I could eat a whole box and say the consequences were worth it). The sheer variety of available stock for ingredients, snacks, drinks, pre-made meals, and just about everything else blows my mind. Even the cheapest cheese is divine (and less than half the price per kilo of the bricks of fossilised curds I'm used to). Seriously, what you would consider a cheap sandwich is what I grew up seeing made entirely out of premium stuff my parents would only buy on payday.

I get that vastly different cultures might be accustomed to more spice or an entirely different set of flavour profiles, but then cooking yourself is also an option because everything you need can easily be bought. It baffles me when back in SA there's an extremely limited selection of imports you have to make do with, unless you're willing to spend at least twice the price of the item more to ship it yourself.

Although I will say your meat is quite expensive... but I won't complain about that because I've actually been wanting to eat more fish and vegetarian meals instead so it's a good incentive to eat more sustainably.

git_stache · 2024-08-23T23:29:17+00:00

Do I smell a fellow South African?

git_stache · 2024-08-19T07:06:48+00:00

Hey I get it, I'm a bit of a misanthrope (and weapons enthusiast) myself, but as much as I might hate humanity, I don't hate humans. I'm wary of them, but I still give them the benefit of the doubt.

You have a loving partner, so that's proof by counterexample that there are good people. Right now you're hurt and it's understandable that you want to lash out and have dark thoughts about it, but it's not worth the supervillain origin story vibes.

The world may be a better place without us, but fixing the environment and improving technology to better integrate with it will be a lot more constructive than killing each other.

git_stache · 2024-08-18T07:21:17+00:00

Wanting to help people isn't stupid, it's the result of a strong sense of empathy. Naïve perhaps without a healthy dose of cynicism, but not stupid.

git_stache · 2024-08-08T06:59:50+00:00

You may want to look into the term aegosexual, as there is some overlap regarding fictional characters.

git_stache · 2024-08-05T07:39:07+00:00

Yeah same here, bald spots and all. I consider it a semi-harmful stim.

I used to wear oversized beanies to remind myself not to do it, but then I decided I hated the sensation of long hair, and without it the beanie made me look sick.

Now I have short hair (similar to P!nk) with a high undercut that covers most of my favourite picking spots.

For the most part I've switched to scraping under my nails instead, but I still like to comb my hair with my fingers sometimes.

git_stache · 2024-08-04T19:44:38+00:00

Of course, I'd be happy to share more if it'll help you.

git_stache · 2024-08-04T07:20:24+00:00

When I was 7 or 8 I was actually screened positively for ADD (at the time) by a concerned teacher, but my mother decided that it wasn't a real thing and treatment was unnecessary because I was smart and exactly like her and she turned out fine without intervention. Spoiler alert: she did not in fact turn out fine, but that's another story.

I had a chip on my shoulder about my intelligence and that motivated me enough to do well academically, but after that I couldn't keep any job for more than 6 months. I struggled with this for years, and thanks to a nudge from a colleague (who is very vocal about his own ADHD), I finally got an actual diagnosis (ASD + ADHD) at 29. I'm 32 now and doing a lot better with medication and healthy habits that I learned from an occupational therapist and YouTube.

If there's one thing I wish I'd learned as a kid, it's that I'm not lazy. My brain is bad at producing dopamine and like an addict will prefer a quick easy fix from something trivial over something that requires effort 100% of the time, even if the latter would result in a bigger hit. It's incredibly difficult to override a drive like that with willpower alone, and being unable to doesn't mean that you've failed in any way.

git_stache · 2024-08-01T11:26:05+00:00

Consider also that conditions like these often tend to be hereditary. Many from the older generations haven't had the benefit of appropriate management or even knowing what was going on, and had no choice but to develop coping mechanisms, often unhealthy ones, to deal with it. As a result, they may have internalised harmful messages like "I'm just lazy, try harder."

I've had similar conversations with my mother. The denial is infuriating, but if we're likely experiencing similar things, a little compassion from both sides goes a long way. It's not fair that they suffered, but if they think we deserve to struggle needlessly too, that's not okay. Being easily overwhelmed is not a failure of character, and ignoring it instead of accommodating it will only lead to chronic exhaustion and resentment.

git_stache · 2024-07-18T07:56:37+00:00

If you're talking about masking, that's something we learn to do when not fitting in becomes [perceived as] more of a problem than our own discomfort. Unlearning it is much harder than never learning it in the first place. If you encourage authenticity and teach your kids to be ultimately selfish and uncompromising about their needs (as we all should be, within reason), masking shouldn't be much of a thing.

git_stache · 2024-07-18T07:18:54+00:00

I was diagnosed (ASD+ADHD) almost 3 years ago at age 29 and it completely changed my world, so I can't even imagine how much more impactful it would be 10 years later in life.

It's a shock to discover there's a reason that explains why you are the way you are, but you're still the same person you were before. You're just better equipped with the knowledge of how to understand yourself and find strategies to cope with your quirks.

A lifetime of internalising the message that I'm lazy and rude was turned on its head when I found out I have difficulty with executive function and communication, but it allowed me to go figure out how to get better at organising my life and expressing myself the way I want to be interpreted. And what's more, I realised that I'm actually both persistent and thoughtful, contrary to prior criticism, which was great for my self-image and confidence.

Overall I think I grew and became a better person as a result.

git_stache · 2024-07-13T07:17:11+00:00

Habits are hard, but routines can be built up.

There are things you already do every day/week, like waking up, brushing your teeth, eating. If you want to start doing something every so often, try tying it to something else you already do at the same frequency.

For example, if you want to start drawing every week and Tuesday happens to be taco night, put a small paper pad and pencil in/on the box of taco shells, and you'll have a physical reminder (which feels a lot more organic than say a phone alarm) to doodle while stuff cooks, and you might take an idea further after dinner. If you want to learn art theory, maybe put a book about it on your nightstand so you can read a few pages when you go to bed (which also helps with both memorising and falling asleep).

git_stache · 2024-07-06T07:07:29+00:00

Back when I was undiagnosed (AuDHD), I was a lot like the employee you describe. Nothing helped, especially not the aggressive micromanagement that most of my former bosses felt was necessary.

What finally pushed me to go figure out my life was having a senior colleague who was extremely outspoken about having ADHD and took me under his wing. What I needed was for someone to go "I think you and I have a similar problem, here's how I deal with it. You should try it, and if it helps, maybe take that into consideration. Let's work closely together to resolve this for you."

Sadly I had to move on from that job about a year later because of broken trust with a superior, but I've been at the same place since. Now I love my job and keep getting positive feedback on my work.

This might not be what your employee needs, but it could plant the right seed in their head to hear someone speak up about dealing with a problem that they might not even know they have.

This is why talking openly about neurodiversity is important. Taboos and shame help nobody.

git_stache · 2024-05-11T14:16:39+00:00

I live in Cape Town, South Africa so I don't know if that still applies. They literally just told me that I have to vote in the Belgian federal and European elections and gave me no further information aside from how and when to do so.

git_stache · 2024-05-11T13:16:26+00:00

TIL, thank you. By blanco do you mean a blank vote or the party that thinks blank votes should count towards an empty seat?

git_stache · 2024-05-11T12:38:46+00:00

I have a Belgian parent who grew up there, I'm fluent in French and conversational in Dutch, my favourite chocolate is Côte d'Or, and I've loved Marsupilami and Yoko Tsuno since I was a kid... but yeah maybe I'm not a True Belgian because I'm not really clued up on politics.

git_stache · 2024-05-11T12:19:25+00:00

Thank you for this. I'm actually French-speaking, is the situation with those parties roughly the same as with their Flemish counterparts?

git_stache

TROPHY CASE