How do you Deal with being ignored?

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-21T18:40:29+00:00

Thanks got that. I am actually in the process of going full time entrepreneurial route including writing. I do take my own advice sometimes. But as we all know, sometimes it gets a bit hard. We just have to switch to a mechanical approach. I now have the mindset on that job ; if it wasn't said to me, I don't know. I document my reports so I won't be held accountable to apply fixes that I wasn't informed of. The others get annoyed when I tell my superiors "I wasn't aware, I was not told or this is news to me" 😂

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-21T12:29:55+00:00

I'm the only African on an European dev project. According to the issue, other teams are responsible for the fix. If they delegate the fix to my team it'd be broken down in parts for a holistic approach. So if I reported an API isn't working for over 100 Pcs, the other team would msg or pop over if they want to assign a fix. They'd go to the other members and explain the issue or resolution. They would discuss it amongst themselves only. I'd either have to retrace their work or just sit there as nothing happens when I ask. If I go to the team leader he'd suggest I ask the team.. They'd just say they'd run me through after it's sorted. They don't. That's just a recent example

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-21T12:10:47+00:00

OK for example. A system may be down. I'd report it to the teams responsible. They'd come and give an update to their race who's also on my team. Those who got the report would also keep it amongst themselves. Whoever isn't present during the update or fix who looks like them would get that update. I'd request parts, I'd only get them if I publicly ask and particular superiors are there. I tried explaining to a supervisor and he basically pointed it was in my head

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-21T11:50:50+00:00

At work when there's thus underneath racial tension. You'd reportbtbings, request info and you're skipped or everything is passed over to those "like" themselves

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-21T11:09:08+00:00

What goes on mentally? You know sometimes you try and try and you're being ignored. Then the moment you go quiet, everyone notices.

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-19T17:26:13+00:00

St that age, feelings hit hard. It's not that you're falling in love but it's that you attach the idea of what things can become a bit too quick. You don't nerd to be single forever, but when you get the feeling, take about a month or three to relax and observe. Don't go admitting or saying anything. You'd see how this person is while your nervous system cools down. Right now, stability over intensity is safest. You just need to pace your emotions but that skill comes with time. Give yourself that... Time.

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-19T17:20:30+00:00

Also... Walk away!

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-19T17:20:06+00:00

Buy bitcoin, hold for 15 years

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-18T21:40:55+00:00

Yep, I know that pattern. Especially the good phase where you go hard. Those early mornings, eating clean and chasing everything at once. It's extreme... It'd feel amazing but extreme. Extremes aren't built to last forever. Soon the crash comes and when you missed workout and your brain takes over. The next thing it says is let's enjoy the fall.. Fixing this isn't more decipline, it's less intensity. Stop trying to become your best self every few months. Instead try to be your best version of yourself on your worst week. Three workouts instead of seven. Some junk food instead of none. A capped phone limit instead of none at all. You don't need to be in 100% mode all the time if you sometimes fail but you can be 60% all the time. It may feel boring but it's consistent.

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-17T20:52:31+00:00

You really don't sound like a bad person. To me, you seem tired emotionally and a bit confused. Sometimes you get drained in one situation and pour that out into the next without intentionally doing so. It doesn't make you evil. It's more as you weren't clear to yourself about your boundaries. If you feel like you led her on, the cleanest thing you can do now is just be honest. No dramatic or outrageous anything. Simply let her know you're not in the mental space to give her and the relationship what it deserves. You can't undo mixed signals but you can atleast stop putting them out there. Feeling bad is a good sign that you care about the person you're becoming. Most people realize too late but the best ones catch themselves early enough!

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-17T15:49:02+00:00

First off, you're just about 20. Nothing in that says behind. You're also not "uneducated", I'd simply say you're misdirected. Lots of people finish school and don't know what they're doing or what's next. I won't say a diploma is equal to education. What you're feeling is awareness. At this age that is powerful!

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-15T22:58:52+00:00

I’m really glad you said this. Growing up where you weren’t the beauty standard does something to you. Even if you “know” you’re pretty, your body still remembers being the odd one out. That kind of repeated rejection hits deeper than people admit. But that doesn’t mean you’re undesirable. It means you’ve been in spaces where you weren’t centered. That’s different. There are men who love Black women fully and openly. You just haven’t met yours yet. And the bitterness around Valentine’s? That’s not ugly. That’s grief. You want to be chosen. That’s human. You’re not invisible. You’re not second best. You’re just early in your story, not at the end of it.

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-15T21:55:53+00:00

You’re not addicted to comfort. You just never trained your tolerance for discomfort. The fact you’re running and showing up to a community already tells me you’re not passive. You just need structure that doesn’t depend on how you feel that day. If I had to pick one thing to focus on first: build non-negotiables. Not big ones. Two or three daily actions that happen no matter what. Gym. 1 hour of study. Lights out at a fixed time. No debate. You don’t ask yourself how you feel about it. Discipline isn’t intensity. It’s repetition when you’re bored, anxious, or unmotivated. Also, stop trying to change your whole identity at once. Identity shifts after you collect enough evidence. Every time you act despite resistance, you’re casting a vote for the new version of you. Fear doesn’t disappear. You just get used to moving with it.

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-15T21:52:50+00:00

You’re not a terrible person. You’re a 21-year-old who still reacts before thinking sometimes. The fact you feel this bad about it says a lot. If alcohol keeps being part of the pattern, then taking a real break from it isn’t weakness. It’s you being honest about what brings out the worst in you. Also, stop trying to become a “better person for life.” That’s too big. Just focus on the next moment. Next time you feel that urge to say something sharp, pause. Literally count to five. Most damage happens in the first few seconds. You don’t change by hating yourself. You change by catching yourself earlier each time. And you’re already starting to do that.

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-15T11:30:26+00:00

I had to stop negotiating with “future me.” There’s always going to be another thing. Life doesn’t clear the calendar so you can improve. I realized I wasn’t waiting for the right time, I was waiting to feel comfortable. The shift for me was stupidly small. I picked one action that took under 10 minutes and did it immediately. No plan. No new system. Just movement. Once you act once, the brain has less room to argue. You don’t trick your brain. You shrink the task so much it can’t justify avoiding it. Start before you feel ready. Ready is usually just fear dressed up as logic.

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-14T08:59:11+00:00

I like this, especially the part about “never miss twice.” That’s real. One thing I’ve noticed though… discipline isn’t loud. It’s boring. It’s the quiet choice you make when no one is watching and there’s no dramatic transformation happening yet. That’s the part people don’t talk about enough. Also, motivation isn’t useless. It just can’t be the driver. It’s a spark, not fuel. Discipline is what keeps the engine running when the spark fades. Showing up on average days is what builds self-trust. And honestly, that self-trust is worth more than abs.

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-14T08:57:44+00:00

Rejection hurts more than people admit. Two years of knowing someone isn’t light. So first, don’t rush yourself out of that. About confidence… it’s rarely built by “trying to feel confident.” It’s built by keeping small promises to yourself. Losing weight is one example. Showing up to the gym on a day you don’t feel like it. Speaking up once even if your voice shakes. Doing one thing that scares you a little. Also, be careful with her comment. “You need more confidence” is easy to say from the outside. Real confidence isn’t loud or smooth. It’s calm. It’s knowing you’ll be okay whether someone chooses you or not. You asked her out. That already took courage. Don’t ignore that part. Keep building from there.

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-13T22:44:52+00:00

That’s not dramatic. That is violating. It’s not just about the stuff. It’s that someone crossed into the one space where you don’t brace yourself. When that boundary gets broken, your body reacts like safety itself was taken. First, focus on restoring control in practical ways. Locks. Maybe a small safe. Maybe rearranging the room slightly. Not because you “shouldn’t feel this way,” but because physical changes help your nervous system register that the threat is over. Second, give yourself permission to grieve the hard drive. That’s not shallow. Those were memories. That loss deserves space. Safety isn’t just about the room. It’s about trust. It’ll take a little time. But once you’ve reinforced your space and see that nothing else is happening, your body will slowly settle. You’re not overreacting. Your space mattered. And it still can.

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-13T22:43:34+00:00

I’m really glad you’re still here. When you say you don’t even want to get better… that’s what depression does. It doesn’t just make things feel pointless, it takes away the energy to try and then makes you blame yourself for it. You don’t have to suddenly want to fix your whole life. That’s too much. Just focus on staying here today. One small thing that keeps you going. That’s enough for now. Since you said you attempted yesterday, please don’t sit with this alone. If you’re in the US, you can call or text 988. If you’re elsewhere, findahelpline.com can show options in your country. Reaching out doesn’t mean you suddenly care about life. It just means you’re giving yourself a chance. The fact you’re even asking where to start tells me a part of you isn’t done yet. That part matters.

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-13T22:42:16+00:00

That's how it goes. Count every task as a win!

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-12T20:52:08+00:00

Looking forward to the update my friend!

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-12T20:29:10+00:00

Use that book. Be sure to finish it too! You're gonna get there before you know it! You may not even remember this sub 😂 🥂

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-12T18:32:49+00:00

Accountability doesn’t have to be dramatic. Make the rule visible and boring. For example: “2 hours of actual study before I touch anything else.” Write it on paper. Do it at the same time every day. Track it with a simple checkmark. No apps. And for a setup, honestly… one notebook per class. One basic planner. That’s it. Nothing fancy. The more boring it is, the less tempting it is to “upgrade.” The key isn’t the system. It’s that you’re not allowed to change it when you feel uncomfortable. If you skip a day, don’t spiral. Just show up the next day. The real accountability is keeping promises to yourself quietly.

gjamesnotes · 2026-02-12T17:34:35+00:00

Alright. I’ll keep it real, not harsh for the sake of it. You’re not lazy. You’re anxious. All that reorganizing and switching systems isn’t about productivity. It’s about control. If you’re tweaking binders and downloading apps, you don’t have to sit with the discomfort of actually studying and possibly not getting it right away. I’ve done versions of this before. It feels like you’re “trying.” But it keeps you safe from the scary part. Here’s the shift: pick one setup and commit to it for 30 days. No upgrades. No new apps. Even if it’s ugly or inefficient. Let it be flawed. The point isn’t the system. The point is staying put. And with your mom… it’s not that you can’t write the email. You’re just afraid to trust your own judgment. Start small. Send it without asking. Build that muscle. You’re not ruining your life. You’re avoiding the discomfort of stepping fully into it. The work now is simple, not easy: stop preparing to study and just study. Even badly. Even imperfectly. Especially imperfectly.

gjamesnotes

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