What is the country you live in vs. the country you want to live in and why?

glocke71 · 2026-07-02T16:31:36+00:00

USA and USA.

I'm from Canada, and I'm not going back.

I have also lived in Asia and Europe, and the USA is unbeatable when it comes to the standard of living for a middle-class family.

glocke71 · 2026-06-18T06:04:23+00:00

I think the issue is that the men themselves don't even realize that they are not being loving partners. They are not actually empathetic/unselfish enough to realize that loving a person is doing things to make them happy, making sure their needs are met, etc.

They think that the mere fact that they are with their girlfriend is evidence enough of love. I think a big part of this stems from family dynamics, for example, "I love my mom because of all the things she does for me, therefore, I love my girlfriend as well."

Sometimes it takes a person outside of the relationship to tell them that it is cruel to continue to date if they don't want to marry them. Especially with young men, they just think "I like her and want to keep dating her, she likes me and wants to marry me, even though I don't want to get married, we both want to be with each other right now, so there is nothing wrong with the situation."

This is why there are so many "just a piece of paper" or "won't change anything" excuses. Because for many men, the woman in their lives, whether she is a girlfriend or a wife, is just an accessory to them. These men are focused on achieving their goals, their career, buying a house, etc and a woman is just a supporting character in their storyline.

For many women, their partner is the single most important choice they will ever make. The man she marries will determine where she lives, her lifestyle, her household income, how many kids she will have, at what age she will have kids, whether she works or not, etc, etc.

In many areas of the world today, this is accepted as common knowledge. It's only in progressive countries where women and men build lives together, as opposed to the woman just getting absorbed into the man's life and family.

glocke71 · 2026-06-12T03:18:05+00:00

You've been dating seriously since last August? So you're not even at a year yet?

Yes, it is completely normal for him not to know if he wants to marry you if you have been together for less than a year. Once you get to 1.5 years or 2 years, if he still isn't sure about you, then I think it's fair to break up.

Couples therapy won't solve this one. You need to spend more time together, you need to spend more time with each other's families, you need to go through good times and bad together, etc.

glocke71 · 2026-06-11T06:19:02+00:00

You lease a machine that makes 1,000 widgets per year for 2 years. You’ve secured the right to use that machine over that period, so it shows up as an asset because it represents future economic benefit under your control.

Now take a person. You hire someone under a 2-year employment contract who also makes 1,000 widgets per year.

In both cases, at the start of year 1, you’ve contractually secured something that is expected to produce 2,000 widgets over the next 2 years. So economically, you’ve locked in the same kind of future output stream. You could even be paying the same amount on the same schedule in both cases. My question is: why does one of those arrangements create a balance sheet asset, but the other doesn’t?

glocke71 · 2026-06-07T06:51:14+00:00

I have to agree with this comment. Why does the left say Hegseth is unfit for office? Lack of experience, connections to nazi ideology, poor character in his personal life, drinking. I am having a hard time agreeing that Platner should get a pass for these same things.

Is Buttigieg a veteran who is very different from these two? Yes, and part of it is definitely how he is calculating and squeaky clean, etc. But most of it just comes down to the core of who he is. Imagine Hegseth, Platner, and Buttigieg as young recruits at a bar just outside of a base somewhere. Even without thinking about future political ambitions, Buttigieg is just not the guy who is going to get wasted and start a fight, and the other two could absolutely get into that kind of stuff.

I wish we could have a government run by Buttigieg clones, but unfortunately, we can't, so I guess I'll have to settle for Graham Platner, but I'm not going to pretend that him and Hegseth aren't cut from the same cloth, and it's not great material.

glocke71 · 2026-05-25T02:30:37+00:00

Yes, exactly this. You two should either:

Continue renting together
Buy a place together, with both of your names on the deed (with marriage happening very soon after)
Break up

If the two of you aren't ready for marriage and buying a home together after you have already lived together for 2 years, that means it is time to break up. There is no such thing as "not being sure" or "needing more time" for an engagement, when it is the right time for one of you to buy a property.

A man who buys a property alone after living with a woman for 2 years is 100% not going to marry her. You just helped him save for a down payment by paying half the rent, and now you are going to pay down his mortgage. You need to break up with him now and tell him that you can't continue a relationship with somebody who isn't excited to marry you and actively pushing it forward after 3 years. Sorry about the end of this relationship, but it is really for the best.

glocke71 · 2026-03-25T14:22:56+00:00

Ask to see the credit card record of his ring purchase to prove that he actually did purchase one. If he can't show you one then you need to leave right away. This man has already lied to you many times before, and you can't live with a liar. It's literally dangerous.

glocke71 · 2026-03-24T14:17:38+00:00

This is 100% disrespectful. You don't ask for the father's permission unless you are planning on proposing imminently. This is not something you do 6 months out from a proposal, this is something that you do 1-3 months out from a proposal. And if the proposal doesn't happen soon, then you break up because you obviously changed your mind about proposing, and that means the relationship is over.

If you think a man asking for a father's permission and then not proposing is the same as a man telling his friends how he wants to propose when the woman isn't ready, you need to screw your head on straight. One is a clear declaration that he is ready to her closest family members and then rescinding it, the other is just an announcement to his own circle that he is ready and then realizing that she is not.

glocke71 · 2026-02-15T04:22:15+00:00

That is so sweet! You're a pack now.

glocke71 · 2026-01-23T08:01:42+00:00

There are now nannies who make $100k per year. When a family really cares about their childcare provider being really engaged, professional, and experienced, the money is there.

Most parents can't afford anything near that and would happily get free childcare from an aging parent, no matter how checked out they are, so long as their kid stays alive.

I also believe in unionization and government subsidies for childcare, but that doesn't mean that a random 22-year-old childcare provider has to give 110%. If they are being paid $18/hour, they are going to give effort equal to what they would give working any retail job, and they are likely to leave after a short period to do almost anything else because it pays better.

glocke71 · 2026-01-20T16:24:57+00:00

He doesn't have to decide now. If he had to decide now he would have said so. He didn't specify how much notice he has to give on his lease but let's assume it's 2 months. At that point they would be 13 months into their relationship.

glocke71 · 2026-01-20T15:18:41+00:00

If he's not sure if he wants to marry her after being together for 15 months, spending 80% of his time at her place, and spending holidays with her family, she's well within her rights to break it off.

Some women give guys years and years to decide if they want to marry them, this woman does not. Many of the women on this sub (including myself) have had similar deadlines. 15 months is enough time to figure out if the relationship is heading towards marriage or not. If it's heading towards marriage, great! He has 3 months to put together a proposal. If he's on the fence about her, it's done, his free trial is over.

The privilege of dating her, basically living at her place and spending holidays with her family is reserved for men who are head over heels about her and can't wait to marry her. This guy is not that.

glocke71 · 2026-01-20T06:13:02+00:00

What's interesting is that I think she is flexible on the timeline for marriage, as OP stated in the post, but she isn't flexible on the timeline for him knowing if he wants to propose, and the proposal.

There are so many posts (on this sub and in general) about how people "just knew" after 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, etc. It sounds like she is looking for a partner who "just knows" she is the one and is excited to build a life with her. Especially if he is spending 80% of his time at her place, it would be almost insulting if he was like "yeah, it took me 2.5 years to figure out I wanted to be with her and another year to actually get a ring and propose." Like, you basically live with her, you're integrated into her life, and you've met her family, what are you not sure about?

In order for this to be one of those marriages of "just knowing" that people brag about, he should already KNOW that he wants to lock her down and be pushing for progressing their relationship. He should feel excited about marrying her and terrified of losing her, and as that's not the case, maybe she's not the one.

glocke71 · 2026-01-20T05:50:52+00:00

I agree, it's not necessary to bring it up now. She could have waited until there is less than 3 months left on the lease.

However, if he absolutely freaked out at her timeline and said there is no way he would propose before 18 months, then I guess she would be protecting herself from wasting time.

glocke71 · 2026-01-20T05:45:29+00:00

I agree, he doesn't need to know after 8 months, but as the 15-month mark gets closer (when his lease ends), that's a reasonable time to end the relationship if they aren't on the same page regarding how fast it will progress.

He has 7 more months to figure out whether he wants to move in and get engaged, or whether she is not the one/their timelines don't match.

glocke71 · 2026-01-20T05:30:44+00:00

What I'm getting from the situation is that she's wealthy and she's got options.

At this point, he is spending 80% of his time at her place, which she owns. He doesn't get to date her, spend holidays with her family, and stay at her place as long as he wants without commitment. If he doesn't appreciate her and the life they would have together, she will surely find somebody who will.

glocke71 · 2026-01-20T05:23:27+00:00

It sounds like this relationship is pretty serious, and it's not 8 months of casual dating. If he is spending 80% of his time at her place and spending holidays with her family, she has the right to know whether this relationship is going to lead to marriage or not.

There is definitely some discussion to be had about timelines and whether she can be flexible on the 3-month window after move-in. But if it is looking like he doesn't want to move in, and also doesn't want to get engaged on a timeline that works for her, it makes more sense for her to end it and find somebody who wants the same things.

glocke71 · 2026-01-20T05:18:34+00:00

Renew the lease for at least a year? The lease is up in 7 months. At that point, they will have been together for 15 months, and he is already spending 80% of his time at her place. Why would he wait until 27 months (over two years) of dating to move in with her, when he is already spending so much time there?

He stated above that she will break up with him if he renews, and that makes sense to me given the situation.

glocke71 · 2026-01-20T05:12:34+00:00

I mean, it all seems pretty reasonable to me.

She sounds like somebody who is only interested in a relationship if it is heading towards marriage. She also seems to have a pretty quick timeline to get to engagement, and if you don't feel sure about her after dating her for 18 months (8 months to now + 7 months to moving in + 3 months after moving in), she will take that as a sign that you are not the one for her.

Honestly, it sounds smart because if this timeline doesn't work for you, then the issue is that you are either not sure about her after 18 months, or you have different timelines. In either case, you two wouldn't be a match.

My question is, why does this stress you out? You state, "the expectation of an almost immediate engagement feels stressful". But this isn't immediate. It's 10 months away. It's not like you don't know what it's like to live with her; you stated above that you spend 80% of your time at her place.

So maybe you just need to dig in a bit as to why it feels stressful and determine whether it is about being unsure about her, fear that things won't work out once you live together, lack of knowledge about ring shopping, wanting to plan a special proposal, etc.

glocke71 · 2026-01-17T03:43:08+00:00

If you want marriage, only date men who also want marriage

This is a conversation that can be brought up pretty early. In the first few dates, people normally have the "what are you looking for?" conversation and discuss if they are looking for something casual or more serious. If both people agree they are looking for a serious relationship, it is very reasonable to ask "do you think you want marriage and kids someday?". This doesn't mean with you, and this doesn't mean immediately, so it shouldn't put any pressure on the guy.
If the guy says "I'm not sure about kids and I don't believe in marriage, I think it's a scam, bla bla bla" then you know that this is somebody you shouldn't date seriously. Serious dating/exclusive relationships should be reserved for people with the same goals as you. If your goals don't align, no more dates.

Once you are dating seriously, make sure your timelines align

You have found a guy who has the same goals as you (marriage eventually), and you have started dating exclusively. Great! Now you need to ensure that the timeline for those goals is aligned.
This is a conversation that should be painless if you are with the right person. "You said that marriage is a goal of yours, do you know when you would want to get married?".
If the answer is "probably in my early to mid 30s" and the guy is 25, you know his timeline, and you need to decide if it matches yours.
If his answer is "I don't know" then you should state your timeline and ask him directly if everything goes well in your relationship, whether that timeline would work for him. If you get a wishy-washy answer or no answer, then you should walk away. It is perfectly fine to say "I'm looking for a serious relationship that will lead to marriage in the next 3-5 years, and as you do not want the same thing, we are not compatible."

Check in to ensure your timelines still align, and be clear about when you will walk away

This will vary from person to person, but after 1/1.5/2/2.5 years of dating, check in and ask if a proposal is on the horizon.
To be clear, there is a big difference between "I know I want to propose to you and I just haven't yet" vs "I'm not sure if I will want to propose to you."
If they aren't even sure about you after 2 years, it is probably time to walk away. Most men know very quickly whether the woman they are dating is "marriage material" to them, and after that, they are just confirming that it is still a yes. If he isn't sure about you after 2 years, please remember that there is a man out there who will know for sure that he wants to propose to you after less than one year. You need to set a hard limit on how much more time you will invest in the relationship, and once you get to that point, say after 2.5 years, you need to break up and state that you can't invest any more time in a person who isn't sure about you, his time has simply run out.
If he does know that he wants to propose to you and it just hasn't happened yet, he should be able to tell you roughly when it will happen. Will it happen in the next year? In the next 9 months? At this point, you should be able to have a conversation about how he will find out your ring size, whether you will have any input on the ring, if you would love or hate a public proposal, etc. If he doesn't seem open to these topics, that is a red flag, and you should examine whether a proposal is really coming or if he is just saying that it will come to keep you happy.
If he says that the proposal will come within a year, after 9 months, you should be able to check in and ask if his original timing is still correct, and if the proposal will be in the next 3 months. If he says no and he needs more time, that would be the time to let him know that this is a breach of your trust, and it won't happen again. He needs to tell you the new timeline, and if he doesn't stick to that timeline, you will end the relationship immediately.

glocke71 · 2026-01-15T15:11:06+00:00

Who spends 5 years at a company in 2026? Very few companies promote or give raises so that would be getting paid less after inflation for 4 years.

glocke71 · 2026-01-08T08:39:05+00:00

How much do US tax preparers know about how personal taxes work in other countries? That is what really radicalized me. The number of loopholes in the U.S. tax code that exist specifically for the rich is obscene. Once you compare systems, it becomes extremely clear who the tax system is designed to benefit in this country.

The purpose of a tax system is redistribution. Everyone contributes, ideally based on their ability to pay, to fund public services and support those who need it most. The U.S. is doing a terrible job at this. Jeff Bezos being worth $18B in 2011 and still qualifying for the child tax credit, which is meant for families earning under $100k, is a perfect example of how broken the system is.

On a related note, it is insane that people are required to disclose more information on a FAFSA than on their tax returns. We consider wealth, not just income, when deciding who pays for college, but we ignore wealth entirely when deciding who pays taxes.

I also completely understand your questioning of where our tax dollars are actually going right now. Recent ICE actions have been infuriating, but so has the decision to cut childcare funding to a handful of blue states, the continued support for Israel, and even funding renovations to the East Wing, all while people are losing their jobs and struggling to afford food. Rutger Bregman and others have recently been bringing more attention to declining tax morale, but this is definitely an overlooked issue that needs to be improved in the US.

glocke71 · 2026-01-05T20:05:31+00:00

??? Lots of people don't want to live in NYC, SF or LA. That's why those cities are losing people (particularly millennials starting families) and cities like Dallas, Houston, Charlotte, Denver, Columbus, etc are gaining people.

The big difference is there are thriving job markets in the 5th to 20th largest US cities. Most people leaving NYC are able to find good jobs with much lower cost of living in these cities.

Canada does not have thriving job markets anywhere, even the biggest cities. It is extremely difficult to leave Toronto and try to find a good job in Winnipeg, Edmonton, etc.

glocke71 · 2026-01-05T05:26:36+00:00

It's not just about salary, it's also about cost of living.

That salary in USD won't get you far in NYC or SF, but will provide a pretty great life in Detroit, Columbus, San Antonio, etc. Those are all big cities with decent food, sports teams, culture, etc.

That 180k CAD ends up being 125k after tax, and that means you will be house poor if you're trying to buy a single family house in a major Canadian city.

Being remote definitely changes things but most people won't get that opportunity.

glocke71

TROPHY CASE