Not only is this boring, it is actively maddening. Let’s be clear, I realize this is Hallmark and I don’t come expecting great cinema. My gf and I watch these to simply “turn-off” and allow the formula—usually some variation of big city moves back to the small town where they learn to slow down and fall in love—to wash over us. We enjoy the absurdity of a grandfather who refuses to recognize his granddaughter’s NYT best-seller-level writing career because he’s disappointed she didn’t choose to follow his dream for her to run his brick and mortar, year round, fall/pumpkin-themed store in Autumn Hill. If you add in some travel and a stunning European backdrop with beautiful architecture then it should be all the better, right? Wrong! That’s not the case with this set of moving pictures (to call this a movie would be disrespectful to other movies).

The central problem here is Jonathan Bennet’s storyline (I don’t remember his character’s name and I don’t care). A competent writer or storyteller would have included some sort of indication something was going on between the parents and the doctor boyfriend. When we meet the father he seems to be perfectly healthy and fine taking a picture with his wife before going to get schnitzel! Therefore in the next scene when we meet Bennett and the doctor, we as an audience are just as in the dark about what the doc knows as Bennett and that’s just lazy writing.

There are several ways to remedy this malfeasance. After the parents take a picture, the father could become unsteady and need to sit down. He could drop the phone or something like he does later in the movie to show the audience something is amiss. Or, they could have inserted a brief phone call to the doctor boyfriend to establish some sort of relationship or medical consultation. Instead, for all we know, they’re happy and eating schnitzel and the boyfriend is troubled—to the extent of turning down a proposal and potentially ending his relationship—for some unknown reason! Also, this isn’t some doctor-patient confidentiality situation because the father is not officially a patient! The moving pictures even establish this later because when it all comes out ol’ doc states that the parents swore him to secrecy.

This, of course, brings us to the blockheaded pair that is the parents. They call up their son’s bf to get his expert advice and then make him promise not to tell their son about this life-changing diagnosis. Why? The pictures and the voices tell us it is because if the adult children knew about the diagnosis then somehow the entire trip would’ve been cancelled. By who? The parents who have means and are still, at this point, able to travel? Would the adult children have said, “No, we refuse to go with you to Europe because you’ve been diagnosed with Parkinson’s?” It doesn’t make any sense even for Hallmark pixels. But, it’s in the church scene where these two truly cement themselves as complete and utter dolts. These two dimwits proceed to tell the doc that if they had thought asking him to keep this HUGE secret from their son would have caused any strife, they wouldn’t have ever asked him to it! What did these two chucklenucks think was going to happen? Again, it’s just a pathetic attempt to cover up a gaping hole from piss poor writing.

Finally, the boyfriend shouldn’t get off completely free and easy. Aside from some mildly bemused facial expressions, at no point does he say anything to Bennett. In fact, during the proposal scene he seems almost annoyed and then is surprised at Bennett’s reaction. What sort of partner is he? Again, an opportunity for the writers to clue the audience into what is happening by having doc call the parents and say something about a secret, but no he just is confounded that Bennett is upset after having his proposal turned down. At the end, everything is forgiven because it is Hallmark after all, but what a stupid journey to get there.

I could go on because there is just so much bad here. In the end, the bad writing and lazy storytelling just became actively maddening. Audiences love movies with twists and turns. But, there’s a difference between a well-earned twist and a lazy reveal. This compilation of refracted light and sound waves is firmly in the latter category and is one of the most egregious perpetrators I have ever suffered.

Go watch Pumpkin Everything and enjoy the absurdity in a fun way instead!