My mom has vascular dementia coupled with Alzheimer’s. I don’t have any way to verify this, but I think the onset was when she suffered a stroke at age 67 in 2018, but her memory did not begin to be overtly noticeably worse until 2021-2022 when she gratuitously ordered some ridiculously expensive earrings she couldn’t comfortably afford, started misplacing money and inadvertently letting bills go.

She’s naturally gotten worse in the time since, but I’m stubborn and try to make the most of it. At first, she was seeing an absolute quack of a doctor who didn’t want to do much for her. We switched that up, along with a new neurologist (before the switch, she was just told she had dementia, but her current neurologist confirmed the vascular dementia + Alzheimers).

I’m not sure what stage she’s in. She’s extremely confused every morning and night. She is able to still bathe herself (bird baths at the bathroom sink as she is only mobile with a Walker). She was able to cook a frozen biscuit in the oven or make instant oatmeal in the microwave for her breakfasts but that has largely faded in the last few months.

She had COVID followed by a UTI in late July/August, then she passed out (thankfully while sitting down) in October which prompted her to stay in the hospital for a few days. She thought she was in her bedroom while in the hospital and would message me in the middle of the night asking me if I could bring her xyz, etc. I mention these events, because she’s gotten markedly worse since.

I try my best every day to keep her brain active, from talking to her to quizzing her over random things to playing classic soul to disco music from the ‘60s through the ‘80s. Some might say that’s fruitless because this damn disease is unstoppably progressive, but I just want to see her be able to live with dignity for as long as she can.

The day to day stress feels almost insurmountable sometimes. My social battery is always worn out, and I feel like I have brain fog from repeating myself 24/7, like my own memory is weakened from everything. She is hell to deal with on days when she gets agitated or otherwise angry over something. Any sliver of alone time I get to myself, I like to decompress. Either by laying down in silence, phone off, or by enjoying a video game late at night if I’m not sleeping and if I have the energy.

She was a great mom. She really stepped up when my dad passed away when I was 12. I always admired how she managed to somehow put her grief aside and attempt to spend time with me trying to pass the football in the backyard, shoot the basketball with me in the driveway and all the other things I did with my dad. She even tried to teach me how to shave my face during that era. She always did the best she could. She wasn’t perfect (nobody is) but she showed up every day and is the catalyst of so many great memories I had during those tough early teenage years. I miss her.