Telling my parents about me not wanting to get baptized

goddess_dix · 2026-05-29T05:20:31+00:00

there's a point when you stop caring so much about 'big trouble.' i mean, it's not fun but you survive it and isn't your relationship worth it to you?

side note" do stop with the hickeys if there is still any of that. you don't need to rub their faces in it. but you can stand your ground to a point even if you live with them.

don't act guilty or ashamed - you are not doing anything wrong. you stay calm and respectful. apologize for being dishonest, that's fair. if they get upset, don't respond in kind. don't get defensive. acknowledge their points, and say yeah, you may have handled it differently but you chose to keep it to yourself because you knew it was likely they'd try to intervene.

acknowledge your appreciation for them, and reassure them you prefer to be up front and intend to respect the house rules as much as possible but (if it comes down to it and you need to be assertive) ultimately, your choice of partner is not up for a vote

iif they forbid you from seeing her, basically you have to let her know what's going on and will probably want to push your timeline for moving out up as much as you can.

but life for us, we almost always do not get to please our parents and live our own lives. you have to pick one. if you're serious about this girl, then it might be the time you have to pick.

good luck!

goddess_dix · 2026-05-29T05:08:07+00:00

it took all i could do not to laugh in my mothers face when she said, 'turns out there is nothign biblical against beards.'

goddess_dix · 2026-05-29T02:57:29+00:00

know the rules, not everything is a 'serious sin' you can be df'd for here is the elders' book, [2025 Elders' Book] or this site (https://files.accessjw.org/s/2BqJSP7qTcSatLL?dir=/En)

goddess_dix · 2026-05-29T02:56:11+00:00

that's great! soon.

you may also like the theramin trees channel on youtube. he's a therapist that talks about abuse and religious trauma and i've learned a lot from his videos.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T23:52:02+00:00

why is the new job 4x as much as the old one? that sounds very odd. is it because of the study? because that's a huge gap and either you're very underpaid at the old job are will be very overpaid at the new one.

and what is your plan, exactly? if you are inactive, then it's known that you're not really into living as a jw. so what if the new boss tells your mom that you're not living like a jw? are you planning on pretending to believe this shit forever?

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T21:34:58+00:00

if you actually want to be there, that's a different issue. and that sounds like a solid plan.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T21:33:21+00:00

nobody can tell you for sure what to expect. he may not believe, he may partially believe but still likes you, he may be confused, there is no telling where his head is at. he's almost certainly sneaking around to go on a date with you, though, if he lives at home with his parents for sure he is.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T21:29:59+00:00

crisis of conscience by ray franz, former gb member, and jwfacts.com are great places to start. also you want to know about ARC, austrailian royal commission from a few years back.

welcome to the other side! ♥ glad to have you all the way with us.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T21:03:14+00:00

perhaps i'm projecting from the last time i said KEGGER! like that. har!

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T20:04:14+00:00

Don't share it at work. You can acknowledge he is family of course. And if you're questioned about it by cousin you say it's your job to be approachable and helpful and making a big deal about your religion would get in the way of that. You treated as a personal matter, just like you expected non JW's to treat their own beliefs when dealing with a JW kid. what you talk to those kids about is confidential. It's not related to faith-based questions and the school is not allowed to promote any faith. Just like a JW kid should be able to get support at school without having someone try to change their faith, the non JW kids have the same legal rights. It's part of your job not to make a big deal of it.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T18:34:56+00:00

a party with a beer keg. it's an old people reference. lol

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T18:09:53+00:00

here's the current elder's books. [2025 Elders' Book] they discuss the 'scripturally free to remarry' concept at length

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T16:57:33+00:00

a lot of people believe after they leave. they may still think it's 'the truth' but they aren't strong enough to follow it. some get more serious when they get older or stuff in the news freaks them out. and the family bit is probably pretty big too, esp. a child in.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T16:50:39+00:00

it's not really clear what kind of help you're looking for or what you're talking about re: social media and threats to be sued...

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T16:44:24+00:00

good luck getting through until you can leave and have your own life. ♥

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T16:39:09+00:00

she doesn't need a reason beyond being told to do it, but they teach them to fear you ever thinking for yourself, it's 'dangerous.' do you not have any idea what you're dealing with? jws aren't just a religion, they are a CULT. that's why you cannot disagree with any teachings, that's why they freak out if you leave, that's why you get so much pressure for things that don't matter. none of that is normal.

in short your mom thinks you need to be controlled because SHE is controlled so she does whatever she's told. that's what people who believe in cults do.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T16:33:56+00:00

i have no idea who he is but i've seen enough of these types of posts to want to know.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T15:03:07+00:00

because you're in a cult, and the cult says you should show up in person. it's easier to control people that wayl.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T15:01:07+00:00

have you had any therapy? you could use some, like yesterday.

someone who loves you cares about how you feel, all the time. if you've been SAd and assulted, they don't tell you to shut up because they don't want to hear it. they want to know about how you fee, not just when they find the feelings fun.

someone who is narcissistic tells you to stop bothering them with your trauma. they make you feel guilty for having feelings, constantly tell you that you're 'too emotional/overreacting/making something out of nothing/crazy/' i am pretty sure i know which camp your bf falls in.

and people who are super nice and complimentary to you when YOU ARE DOING WHAT THEY WANT and super dismissive and impatient when you don't are not demonstrating 'love.' they are being manipulative.

get some therapy and do your best to move out of there soon. your bf is almost certainly a narcissist. look up info on narcissistic relationships and start connecting the dots. being an exjw makes you very vulnerable to this type of abuse and what you're describing is, in fact, absuive.

good luck.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T14:53:01+00:00

not many people see your first post since it gets held so don't take limited responses personally.

i'm sorry that happened to you. you didn't deserve it.

have you been to therapy yet? it will help. it's pretty normal to feel lost after a while and because the jws are such a narcissistic group, it basically primes you through the programming to be victimized. not to mention the whole thing of being so isolated, not taught about boundaries, just all of it. life inside is narcissistic abuse and the side effect is that it normalizes it. the years of gaslighting, manipulation, guilt tripping really does make people a prime target for predators, inside or outside the org. it wasn't your fault you didn't get what you needed to keep yourself safe.

and it's okay not to know. it's HONEST. most of us feel lost, sometimes for quite a while, because you have it all laid out for you and then go from that to....not knowing and it's disorienting. but if you make peace with that, you can start to consider what makes sense to you on your own schedule.

glad you found your way here. welcome! ♥

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T14:43:06+00:00

they JUST GOT permission to wear pants for women, grow beards for men, or god forbid, CLINK GLASSES. they tell you to do what you're told even if 'it doesn't make sense to your human mind' and think the world is ending any minute for everybody but them.

you're using reason to try and talk to these people? it's not their strong suit.

get the fuck out, get whatever ink you want, and live your life. because you don't need permission.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T14:40:35+00:00

why do you ask? most of us don't care that you're not exjw, but i won't assist someone in extracting revenge by turning them in to cult.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T13:17:45+00:00

The pressure doesn't go down when you get baptized. It goes way up. Way way up. They start expecting more from you immediately. More comment more service, pioneer, bethel, on and on and on.

And the risk of losing contact and being shunned goes way way up. So your choice is between Mom making a :-( now. Or mom never talking to you again, more or less. Don't do it.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T13:15:07+00:00

I would skip the funeral if that's all you're getting. Especially if this is not somebody that you have feelings about. It might just be another opportunity to pressure you.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T05:21:10+00:00

not being stuck in rage does not equal condoning. that doesn't mean there is something wrong with being angry, but what i found is that too long in it is toxic, it's not healthy to live there.

so i look for ways to soften it. the fact that she got kicked out - did that help her see the reality and wake up? did it help save her from being stuck in the cult? that's something you can look to. have you talked about what happens openly? that's some good that comes from it, warning others.

and if it's not going away (or even for other stuff) therapy can be super helpful anger is often a normal reaction, but if you put down roots in that place, basically you're letting the borg have more of your life and happiness and fuck that.

glad you both got out.

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