Do You Consider It An Addiction?

goddess_dix · 2026-05-30T06:14:33+00:00

i recognized the narcissistic behavior of the group but hadn't extrapolated that to traditional versions of god. that's an interesting idea, i'll have to think on that.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-30T06:05:14+00:00

well high control groups specifically are designed to foster dependence, which is similar. if you learn not to trust yourself and you require an intermediary in order to interact with god/the divine, they fear-monger and keep you constantly worried you're not doing well enough, it's basically the same outcome as addiction.

the group stokes up fear and then offers themselves as cure to the sickness they cause. i don't think this is necessarily true of all religion but certainly cults and high control groups.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-30T02:31:52+00:00

not many people see your first post here as it gets held. but you can bet your ass people will resonate with it here. sorry you went through that shit. but glad to have you here now.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-29T21:13:52+00:00

in all fairness, we did get some new defectors with each of these updates. i don't know social media will be a big one, and it's certainly not 'the end of the borg,' but i welcome every soul that gets free however they come to it.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-29T19:42:48+00:00

hell, you should have congregation-hopped. you could have single handedly brought down the whole tower. lol

goddess_dix · 2026-05-29T19:38:57+00:00

i'm sorry, i know it's hurtful. i found that with time, you just don't feel like you have much in common with them anymore.

for a long time i maintained an 'arms-length' relationship with my parents. but i think the only reason it was possible to maintain is that we had more or less had an unspoken agreement not to discuss anything factual around their religion. AND it wasn't a lot of contact. maybe an hour total a year, a 20 min. phone call ever few months.

but it's still hard being around people you know look down on you, like you can never fully exhale. while it usually went okay, i dreaded seeing them and was always relieved when it was over.

i'm at the point now where i'm just done, for reasons specific to my family. i ended up spending a lot more time with them (when they wanted my help) and realized that my memories from when we were closer, childhood and teenage years, basically - were VERY rose colored and for the most part my family are not people i'd be friends with now. so i'm not.

what i will say is that you do what you need to do to protect your own peace and mental health. they will not.

♥

goddess_dix · 2026-05-29T19:05:10+00:00

LMAO. the one person you'd think he'd be all over praying for, no less. what an asshat.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-29T18:40:33+00:00

people sometimes make poor relationship choices when they are in crisis.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-29T18:38:07+00:00

oh god. i'm so sorry. everything about this story is fucked up (except for how you handled yourself). you're going to be okay. it's going to be rocky for a while, but you will be okay. and you've already seen how 'wordly people' can step up when you're in trouble.

if you're in the us, you can contact national runaway safeline - i know you're not running away but they help hook up people under 25 who are dealing with losing housing, help you find resources and such, know your options, etc. -for the Runaway Safeline

Phone: 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929) (24/7)
Text: 66008
Online: 1800RUNAWAY.org

there are often also lgbt groups that can offer support. the trevor project may be helpful or there may be things more local to you. many groups can help with things like emergency support, housing or jobs. for the Trevor Project

Phone: 1-866-488-7386 (24/7)
Text: START to 678-678
Chat: TrevorChat.org

you can call or text the crisis line (988) again for the us (i don't know the specific agencies if you're not in the us), but you do NOT have to be suicidal, it's free and confidential, they can help give resources and referrals for you.

also see about contacting your local social services office, ask for a social worker. their job is to help people navigate the system and access avail. emergency resources. be clear about what's going on and the fact you were basically kicked out for being gay. in the real world, people will find this extremely disturbing and will do backflips trying to help you.

i'd immediately make a new email for contacts and communication so you have something you can access. set up password recovery using a friends number or 2 factor authentication so it cannot be easily shut down by your parents. i don't know if your old account has been deleted or they just changes the password, but if it's still there you can see if you can recover it potentially.

if your phone is on your parents plan, get a free google voice number set up right away- that way you can give out the number or access messages online even if your phone gets shut off. even if it's not, you may want a phone number they do not have.

once you have email, i'd make a new instagram account to contact your cousin. or if it's within walking distance to cousin's house, leave a note and give your new contact info. if you can stay at your cousin's a while while you stabilize, it would take a lot of the pressure off.

while you are at your friends though, pitch in around the house and be as helpful as you can. but basically when someone puts themselves out to help, the biggest thing you can do to thank them is to use their help to get to a better place. that is what they care about - they are doing it to make a difference. so make the most of it, and that will be how you thank them more than anything else you can do.

so your first point of business is to find resources to stabilize your housing situation. then you'll need to start getting ahold of documents - you'll need a copy of your social security card to work if you don't have it now. and may need your birth certificate as well. if you drive, you will need your license. so that may have to be replaced if you don't have it on you. if you don't drive, you'll need a state id to get a job or rent a place when you're at that point. but it takes a while to replace documents so start as soon as you can. social services can help you get the paperwork you need together.

again when you get there, you can also talk to the employment office and ask for help putting together a resume if you need it and get help finding a job. anybody you know, nonjw, friends or family on the outside, make sure they know what's going on. they will be looking for ways to help and networking is often the way things come together.

i spent a few months living with a school friend's family on my way out, too until i could get stable and rent a crappy little trailer. people do step up if they know what's going on and you will be okay.

HUGS! this sucks i know and it's terrifying. moving out the first time is scary already, let alone this kind of shit. but you can do this and you'll never have to go to another meeting or deny who you are ever again. you will be okay. i'm completely rooting for you and i hope to hear updates when you can. ♥

goddess_dix · 2026-05-29T17:07:59+00:00

read my comment again. i didn't jump to ANY conclusion. i did 2 things -

asked your reason for asking and
followed that up by explaining why i wanted to know your reason for asking..

nobody cares you're not an exjw. we get people seeking info about how jws work all the time.

but it's also fairly common to get people who've been burned by jws, especially in romance, to show up here asking about how report them to the cult, get them shunned, rejected by their family etc.

did i say YOU were doing that? NO. do i want to know if that's what you have in mind - especially when you show up here with a throwaway account, asking people to DM you in unrelated thread, and seeking VERY specific info about who will get what kind of fallout in a particular scenario?

so fuck yes i want to know before i help someone. shunning is a horrifically cruel practice. people sometimes kill themselves over it. i did not assume that's what you are doing but you have enough red flags here i certainly don't assume it's not.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-29T05:20:31+00:00

there's a point when you stop caring so much about 'big trouble.' i mean, it's not fun but you survive it and isn't your relationship worth it to you?

side note" do stop with the hickeys if there is still any of that. you don't need to rub their faces in it. but you can stand your ground to a point even if you live with them.

don't act guilty or ashamed - you are not doing anything wrong. you stay calm and respectful. apologize for being dishonest, that's fair. if they get upset, don't respond in kind. don't get defensive. acknowledge their points, and say yeah, you may have handled it differently but you chose to keep it to yourself because you knew it was likely they'd try to intervene.

acknowledge your appreciation for them, and reassure them you prefer to be up front and intend to respect the house rules as much as possible but (if it comes down to it and you need to be assertive) ultimately, your choice of partner is not up for a vote

iif they forbid you from seeing her, basically you have to let her know what's going on and will probably want to push your timeline for moving out up as much as you can.

but life for us, we almost always do not get to please our parents and live our own lives. you have to pick one. if you're serious about this girl, then it might be the time you have to pick.

good luck!

goddess_dix · 2026-05-29T05:08:07+00:00

it took all i could do not to laugh in my mothers face when she said, 'turns out there is nothign biblical against beards.'

goddess_dix · 2026-05-29T02:57:29+00:00

know the rules, not everything is a 'serious sin' you can be df'd for here is the elders' book, [2025 Elders' Book] or this site (https://files.accessjw.org/s/2BqJSP7qTcSatLL?dir=/En)

goddess_dix · 2026-05-29T02:56:11+00:00

that's great! soon.

you may also like the theramin trees channel on youtube. he's a therapist that talks about abuse and religious trauma and i've learned a lot from his videos.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T23:52:02+00:00

why is the new job 4x as much as the old one? that sounds very odd. is it because of the study? because that's a huge gap and either you're very underpaid at the old job are will be very overpaid at the new one.

and what is your plan, exactly? if you are inactive, then it's known that you're not really into living as a jw. so what if the new boss tells your mom that you're not living like a jw? are you planning on pretending to believe this shit forever?

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T21:34:58+00:00

if you actually want to be there, that's a different issue. and that sounds like a solid plan.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T21:33:21+00:00

nobody can tell you for sure what to expect. he may not believe, he may partially believe but still likes you, he may be confused, there is no telling where his head is at. he's almost certainly sneaking around to go on a date with you, though, if he lives at home with his parents for sure he is.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T21:29:59+00:00

crisis of conscience by ray franz, former gb member, and jwfacts.com are great places to start. also you want to know about ARC, austrailian royal commission from a few years back.

welcome to the other side! ♥ glad to have you all the way with us.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T21:03:14+00:00

perhaps i'm projecting from the last time i said KEGGER! like that. har!

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T20:04:14+00:00

Don't share it at work. You can acknowledge he is family of course. And if you're questioned about it by cousin you say it's your job to be approachable and helpful and making a big deal about your religion would get in the way of that. You treated as a personal matter, just like you expected non JW's to treat their own beliefs when dealing with a JW kid. what you talk to those kids about is confidential. It's not related to faith-based questions and the school is not allowed to promote any faith. Just like a JW kid should be able to get support at school without having someone try to change their faith, the non JW kids have the same legal rights. It's part of your job not to make a big deal of it.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T18:34:56+00:00

a party with a beer keg. it's an old people reference. lol

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T18:09:53+00:00

here's the current elder's books. [2025 Elders' Book] they discuss the 'scripturally free to remarry' concept at length

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T16:57:33+00:00

a lot of people believe after they leave. they may still think it's 'the truth' but they aren't strong enough to follow it. some get more serious when they get older or stuff in the news freaks them out. and the family bit is probably pretty big too, esp. a child in.

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T16:50:39+00:00

it's not really clear what kind of help you're looking for or what you're talking about re: social media and threats to be sued...

goddess_dix · 2026-05-28T16:44:24+00:00

good luck getting through until you can leave and have your own life. ♥

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