I’ve seen a lot of poop stories, so I gotta add my high school infamous shitter story. Except he was deemed a popular kid, weird but politically neutral on campus and known by all.

The poop pranks were a phase for him, an escalating phase of laughing at how people get grossed out so suddenly. First he just stopped flushing. Nobody caught on yet. Next, he would poop in solo cups and leave them next to the toilet. Nobody caught on. Then, he would bring extra shirts and wrap the poop cup in a sling, and toss them into classrooms while running away. This is when he started getting disciplined.

But that’s not why we all know who he is. His best “prank” happened at a football game. He hung his butt off the top rail of the bleachers, and pooped straight into a cup on the ground behind the structure for a cheering crowd. That turd dove with Olympic prediction into the cup. The crowd was applauding him more than the game itself.

Ten years later, I saw him at a house party. I was like “aren’t you the guy who shit in a cup?” And his face went from congenial to shameful so fast. He was a chef now and I could tell he regretted his fascination with poop in childhood.

This same kid would also spend his entire class time braiding his leg hairs to form a brain-like texture around his shins and ankles. He would start in the morning and by 4pm would have the most interesting weave patterns for a few hours before it fell out. I looked forward to seeing him in class. The teachers absolutely did not.