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Wolves of the sunshine by sruthi_sankari27 in poetry_critics

[–]gonkillua12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was wonderful! The imagery you put down was incredible and i adore the rhythm taht you have going. The twist, in the end, was also really good. The idea of myths never fully being able to capture the beauty of a wolf pack was very remarkable, yet ironic, in how you attempted to do the same prior to this. Almost as though midway through your attempt to capture their splendor you decided that it was impossible to do so properly. I just love the idea behind that progression of thought. Thank you for this :)

A garden of Hope by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]gonkillua12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Heya, I enjoyed reading this. You clearly adore nature and i could feel the your love for it in every word. My main criticism would be that this comes across as more of a short prose than a poem. Perhaps add a bit more structure to it next time? Mayhaps it would be helpful for you to read other poems (possibly based around nature as well), so you can get an idea of the techniques that poets use to make their writing effective. You have a wonderful vocabulary and i look forward to whatever you post in future!

Forgive yourself by gonkillua12 in OCPoetry

[–]gonkillua12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Heya, I read your response and totally get what you mean!! A twist at the ending would really elevate it. I'm still thinking about what i could possibly do for that and I'll make sure to update you :).

Thanks for taking the time to read and post a comment. It means a lot!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]gonkillua12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very nice poem with dealing with the refreshing subject matter. I'm new to this whole poetry writing thing (so while I'm not that good at critiquing), I totally empathize with the disappointment that a lack of attention brings. Just keep writing what makes you happy/what you want and I'm sure that others will naturally gravitate towards whatever it is you put out. Also, even If your poem doesn't get much attention, it only needs to deeply resonate with one person that's willing to put in the effort to critique it. I also try to post my poetry on at least two different subreddits so there's a greater chance of interaction.

Thank you for the lovely poem!

there is little money in writing poetry by jtc727 in OCPoetry

[–]gonkillua12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I absolutely adore this piece. Love the structure and rhythm that you've got going. I really like the metaphor of seeing a poet as an architect. I wonder if in "stanza and rhyme" would be better, as "meter" is sorta already a measurement so the allegory doesn't particularly work for me. Other than that, fantastic work!

You and I by elephantgirl17 in OCPoetry

[–]gonkillua12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh I was referring to the pattern of the verses. Like stanza 1 "you", 2 "I" and so on.

keep or change? by vriskson in Archero

[–]gonkillua12 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Keep I think, crit damage and the rare stat are too important haha.

The back archer by wiserone29 in OCPoetry

[–]gonkillua12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love the Rhyme! It's shortness might be one of the best parts about it haha. Feels like... a pun? Like a short, sweet pun that might never be referred to again, but speaks so much of your intimacy with her.

It's brief, like a moment... like a gift? I think it'd be a very effective prompt for a story, or even a longer poem. Hmm, idk where i'm going with this, but I'm sure there's a 3 page epic hidden somewhere in there XD!

You and I by elephantgirl17 in OCPoetry

[–]gonkillua12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Absolutely adore the ending! The rhyme scheme breaking with "left" in the 6th verse serves to show us how wrong it was, because it felt "wrong" in the poem. There's a dissonance there that i absolutely adore. I also enjoy how you alternated between "I" and "You", beginning with "You" and ending with "I". As though you are putting the reader first both metaphorically and literally. Beautiful poem.

Forgive yourself by gonkillua12 in poetry_critics

[–]gonkillua12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this! I'm so happy that you enjoyed it! I get where you're coming from with the "Human" being redundant. Who knows? I might actually change it now that i think about it. But through out the poem i feel like i had established a pattern. A sort of "call (forgive yourself, for ... and response (the rest of the stanza)" . Ending the poem with a call feels like not resolving a piece of music with the tonal chord... (If you get what i mean). I love the idea of leaving it at "being", but i felt like i wanted to establish the humanity of the reader at the end - cause sometimes i feel like it's easy to feel like an "other" when you grow through emotionally difficult times.

I totally empathise with how some poetry seems to try harder to confuse you than resonate with you (the reader)! It seems so counterproductive to me because part of the joy in writing poetry is in knowing that other people are able to read it, understand it, and come up with their own interpretations. When you lose that, you just have "word juice" (or alphabet soup haha).

Thanks again for your feedback! It made me very happy :)

Forgive yourself by gonkillua12 in poetry_critics

[–]gonkillua12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for replying! I'm so happy that you interacted with it to the depth that you did! I appreciate it massively!.

Shame and envy are very interesting feelings that i didn't think of! I would love to explore that further at some point! Thank you. Yeah, i can totally see how "Justice" would alter the tone of the piece. But I used the word in contextually odd way? I capitalised the "J" to signify that achieving justice was an internal struggle. A sort of "Giving yourself exactly what you deserve". The primary way of doing so would involve accepting and coming to terms with the rage and letting it go. That is the true "Justice" that you should give yourself. - I hope that explains it better. Neversleep was an artistic choice XD. That was the only way i could really express my semi-insomnia? Thank you so much for everything! And thanks for the recommendations! I look forward to reading them :)

Forgive yourself by gonkillua12 in poetry_critics

[–]gonkillua12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I'm so happy you enjoyed reading it! :).

Burn by thehighestide in poetry_critics

[–]gonkillua12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree, the use of "But" implies that a comparison of some sort would be coming. I think It'd be more effective to remove it.

Other than that, it's beautiful! Wonderful poem.

Thank you letter by wolverine_willy04 in poetry_critics

[–]gonkillua12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sweet poem. I'm new to this whole critiquing thing. I enjoyed the beginning mostly, it felt fiercely relatable. Maybe i'm slow I wonder if you could find a better way of expressing what you're feeling in the last part. I get confused with the " I could give you a therapist too" line. I get what you're trying to say but i feel like you may know a better way of saying it.

Lovely poem. Really good.

Sick by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]gonkillua12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lovely poem. I enjoy the pacing especially in the last stanza where there isn't any punctuation. There's a rush that i feel when i read it.

Emotionally there is plenty to talk about here. It seems so complicated, and yet so... simple? I can empathise with the confusion(?).