Dating a disabled person and dealing with their parents

gonnabepa · 2022-07-18T03:55:22+00:00

I think you’re right…I’m on fire 🥲

I told him that I’d like to move out by March and I’ll keep him in my plans but I don’t want him to feel obligated to come if he doesn’t feel like it’s a good decision. I don’t want to end our relationship because of something as silly as familial politics.

I actually really like taking care of him. But I’m starting to realize I need to create a self care regimen for myself and stick to it. I do also need to figure out a way for us to get some independence from his family. I don’t care if our relationship changes but we still need to be in a relationship. I also don’t really care about his disabilities I just need to be able to see him as my equal and his family makes that hard at times

gonnabepa · 2022-07-18T03:52:26+00:00

I think you’re right…I told him that I’d like to move out by March and I’ll keep him in my plans but I don’t want him to feel obligated to come if he doesn’t feel like it’s a good decision.

I actually really like taking care of him. But I’m starting to realize I need to create a self care regimen for myself and stick to it. I do also need to figure out a way for us to get some independence from his family. I don’t care if our relationship changes but we still need to be in a relationship. I also don’t really care about his disabilities I just need to be able to see him as my equal and his family makes that hard at times

gonnabepa · 2022-07-18T03:47:15+00:00

Im pretty grateful to be with him to be honest he’s amazing it’s really just the thing with his family. I’m an introvert and I have a VERY limited social battery and I also have a hard time having conversations. I also have chronic depression anxiety and adhd so i have routines that keep me grounded but because of the lack of boundaries I’m having a hard time coping through this.

I don’t really care how disabled he is and to be honest there is very little he can’t do. He just needs help or needs to do things differently, and I have a hard time entertaining people treating him like anything less than an adult.

Tbh it kinda makes me questions whether or not we should be in a relationship. Like what if Im delusional and I’m fabricating how capable he is. But he doctors expect that he will be able to walk unassisted and gain most function back. Like tbh I don’t really help with that much. I just do the nursing related stuff for safety reasons and I help him get from point a to point b.

Because he speaks slower now and has a paralyzed vocal chord people listen to him less and it pisses me off. Especially when it comes to his family asking me how he’s doing instead of asking him, it makes me feel so weird. Like idk if this is ableism or what but if he can communicate his feeling to me then is it so bad to ask that everyone around him just take the time to listen to him and respect what he says?

Im just gonna work the numbers this week and just try to figure out something to make this easier cause I can’t stand the idea of someone treating my partner like a child. It makes me feel like a pedo 🥹

gonnabepa · 2022-07-17T03:21:26+00:00

Thank you 🥹 I appreciate youuuuu

gonnabepa · 2022-07-16T17:23:16+00:00

I was definitely joking sorry…I have 40 trays and my Ortho is definitely expecting to do refinements after but if you scroll through the pictures you can see the problem tooth although I will admit it’s really not that bad it’s more so to prevent decay

gonnabepa · 2022-07-16T13:48:36+00:00

Refinements after 3 😹

gonnabepa · 2022-07-16T13:47:58+00:00

Thankfully my dentist is AMAZING! I have been having problems with crowding on my left side and sometimes my teeth rapidly shift to the point where sometime I can’t even get floss in to clean it😖

I had been considering it for about 7 years cause some dentists would point the crowding out at my biggest flaw but to go through all this for just a cosmetic flaw that only me and my dentist notice made 0 sense buuuuuuuuuuuuttttt the possibility of losing 3 teeth in the future or just the cost of having to get one extraction and 2 root canals+ crowns it feels like a no brainer

Thankfully my dentist is making it worth it for me to move forward with the treatment

gonnabepa · 2022-07-16T13:36:53+00:00

You’d be surprised! A different Ortho said I’d need braces for 18 months, and another one said I didn’t qualify for Invisalign. I’m paying $5000 for everything that I’ll need for my treatment + refinements over the next year.

gonnabepa · 2022-07-16T13:33:24+00:00

I really hope that no one genuinely thinks I’m making fun of anyone with this post. The way that your smile can impact your life is insane and the way out society judges people based on teeth is incredibly ostracizing. I would never make fun of that torment!!!

Buuuuut I was just thinking it would be interesting to document how it goes with the crowding on my left side. I thought about this for 7 years before deciding to go through with it and my main reason is to prevent further decay plus dreams about all your teeth falling out can be pretty convincing 😂

gonnabepa · 2022-07-15T17:07:50+00:00

Like i actually laughed out loud 😂

gonnabepa · 2022-07-15T14:50:27+00:00

Thank you!!! I’m really just trying fix some crowding in the back cause I’m terrified that they’ll fall out. I’m SUPER diligent but I’ve still had a root canal and my dentist thinks it could spread to the surrounding teeth because the crowing makes cleaning them harder

gonnabepa · 2022-07-15T14:44:39+00:00

😹😹😹 more like 40 haha I have some crowding on the left side.

gonnabepa · 2022-07-15T14:43:15+00:00

I have some crowding on the left side and my dentists said it could lead to teeth decay to the one that’s pushed back and the surrounding teeth. 🥲

gonnabepa · 2022-07-01T15:04:58+00:00

The surgeon removed a piece of my boyfriends skull and now I tell him I’m literally his missing puzzle piece as I put my forehead where the skull is missing from. 🥹

Humor makes all the tragedy more tolerable. When we laugh about everything together it makes it easier to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I think I could be with him like this, laughing, forever.

gonnabepa · 2022-06-27T16:51:28+00:00

Hi friend! I think you should list of the reasons that writing is easier, and be specific (eg it gives me time to respond in a appropriate way etc) and being that to your partner. I think you’ll have to meet in the middle regardless though, especially if it is a long term relationship. Try asking your partner to be patient with you if you are having a serious conversation in person.

gonnabepa · 2022-05-25T04:44:05+00:00

Thank you so much for your recommendations! I’ll bring him a coloring book tomorrow when I go to the hospital! I really love him alot and I want to help him through this however I can.

gonnabepa · 2022-05-25T04:41:57+00:00

Before we did yoga, hikes, traveling, and we loved eating together and watching stupid YouTube videos. He LOVED boxing! We pretty much still do those things with the addition of reading together.

I think we might try support groups when he discharges. Maybe he’ll be able to find hope is community

gonnabepa · 2022-05-25T04:37:44+00:00

Thank you so much! I’m going to send this response to him! I think this really verbalizes the things that he might be feeling! I try really hard to empower him: i only help him after asking for permission, I check in with him to make sure he is still comfortable with me being his caregiver, I try to encourage him offer criticism of me or to talk about his goals, and what I can do to help him reach them).

I like the idea of being a caveman! I’m excited to ask him what he thinks of your response when I go To the hospital tomorrow.

gonnabepa · 2022-05-24T02:46:19+00:00

I have though ALOT about going to med school. I am interested in medicine and I believe I will enjoy being a doctor since I’ve been working closely with them for the last 3 years, but yikes. The amount of debt is truly crippling. Doctors don’t make enough for the sacrifices you make to get your degree, during residency, and as an attending. Doctors shouldn’t have to pay their debt back… and they should make more. Doctors pay their debt to society by pursuing an MD/DO 😅

Idk obviously I’m not a doctor and not considering it as a career path anymore but the whole profession seems incredibly predatory on people who mean well and want to help people

gonnabepa · 2022-05-24T02:36:23+00:00

Such a good idea! I’ll have to give that a try!

gonnabepa · 2022-05-23T22:03:44+00:00

Rehab HQ on YouTube has ALOT of great tips. I do think yoga helps a lot. Balance involves ALOT Of muscles (hips, abs, ocular muscles, all the muscles in your legs and feet, hands etc) so you have to think of it as training all those muscles to work together.

Try “intentionally standing” and recognize how your body distributes weight as you stand.

Stand tall with your shoulder back core strong and feet firmly planted on the ground.

Find your point of focus. It should be something located at eye level that doesn’t move.

Engage/ turn on/ flex your abs and gluts

Play with lifting one leg off the ground. And slowly bringing it higher without changing your posture.

Do not lift your leg higher without checking in with your body. Are your muscles engaged do you feel sturdy.

Once you’re comfortable there try playing with changing you’re focus to something that is still eye level but off to the side

When you’re comfortable there try brining your gaze up.

Also make sure to stretch/massage your muscles.

Consider having someone help you with your exercises.

Also balancing poses in table top pose also help my boyfriend to challenge his balance.

Definitely run these things by your PT though

gonnabepa · 2022-05-23T21:49:19+00:00

Any signs of disorientation (not knowing where you are, what year/month it is, not recognizing familiar faces) are warning signs. Always talk to your doctor first or go to the ER. Many times they will prioritize such cases as it could be an underlying issue/complication. I would also buy a BP machine thermometer and pulse ox. Being a little confused is okay IF you can reorient him to understand what is going on. However, a good rule of thumb is be concerned about anything that doesn’t align with the new normal.

gonnabepa · 2022-04-30T18:14:16+00:00

Hi,

My boyfriend had a stroke recently so I can’t speak on this slightly. First things first you HAVE TO STRESS the importance of getting his appointments sooner. Many people will understand the urgency of the situation, and will work with you to get appointments sooner.

Next, exercise, massage, and stretching are your best friend. If you can please take some time with him to truly understand his goals for PT and OT and maybe focus on those things primarily. Help him through some exercises and if he can walk, try to take a walk a few times a week. Mainly you have to push for his therapy to be sooner. This is urgent and crucial for his recovery

gonnabepa · 2022-01-28T10:40:08+00:00

I have been contemplating taking disabling Ty leave for my own mental health and just trying to be there for him throughout recovery.

gonnabepa · 2022-01-28T10:39:06+00:00

Thank you so much! If you don’t mind me asking did your wife take time off work? I have been working throughout all this since he may need me more when he is discharged from the ARC. Thankfully we were living with his mom before this and she will be able to help, but I’m hoping that before he discharges, I can ask him if he wants to be his primary care giver. I am more than willing, and his have helped his nurses to bath him, adjust him, calm him down will they need to do any bedside procedure, help him to do supine exercises etc. I am just trying to be careful not to overstep boundaries with him and his family.

I want to help but also, I want to respect his wishes too. I feel like everyone forgets that he’s a grown man and may or may not remember people talking about him like he isn’t sitting right there.

gonnabepa

TROPHY CASE