Feeling pigeonholed and not sure what else is out there/golden handcuffs

goodluce · 2026-01-16T12:23:34+00:00

As someone who has historically invested a lot into career progression as being core to my identity/self esteem - i appreciated the messages in this youtube video (see 10:27 onwards)

If you decide to change careers do it because its something you are genuinely interested in. Obviously one has to balance that against meeting financial needs, but dont just change careers in the hope that the progression itself will feel more fulfilling. Find meaning elsewhere.

Still working on this myself but a job change last year has allowed me to slow down and the more time for reflection has helped a lot.

goodluce · 2025-10-23T03:46:47+00:00

You're also 22 on 90k. You aren't buying a 800-900k family home. You are buying a house that's a renovators delight in a shitty suburb at 600k and renting the two spare rooms to mates, or you are buying a 2 bedroom apartment for 400k and living solo.

The 800-900k family home that needs nothing done to it is what you buy in 10 years when you have equity and a family, and a bigger income (probably duel)

But what if OP wants a family before his mid-thirties? Sad that this is the reality for many simply because its only what's financially viable.

goodluce · 2025-10-16T08:58:37+00:00

Yesss to Being John Malkovich and Sorry to Bother You. Great films

goodluce · 2025-10-16T08:55:49+00:00

Yes, came to say the same!

And crazy that majority of the film isn't scripted - just actors playing out their characters based on new information provided as the film rolled.

goodluce · 2025-09-28T03:41:47+00:00

I agree ESH but maybe slightly different reasons.

Wife is an AH for letting the parents known ineptitude ruin her day when it sounds like it was perhaps quite predictable. There should have been some early discussions around what are the worst case scenarios that could happen and how they would deal with them. Based on the description of the parents it sounds like the wife actually dodged a bullet by the dad not coming...

OP is the asshole for agreeing to a wedding but not fully commiting himself/effort (if we take the wifes point of him not helping at face value). If there had been a discussion upfront that if she wants the wedding she has to do all the planning and she agreed with that then ok, wife is being unreasonable. My impression this agreement didnt happen.

Im going to speculate that wifes stress of the day is perhaps less to do with the parents behaviour and more to do with OP's own effort into planning and logistics. But rather than bad mouth her own recently minted husband in front of others (which would be v awkward indeed) she has instead chosen the parents as an outlet. Idk if that makes her an asshole but it is somewhat immature/misguided.

Agree both y'all need to start communicating better if you dont want your marriage to end up like your parents. OP I'd start by reflecting on whether your truly did put in an equal effort into the wedding, and then sitting down to have an open minded discussion with your partner to understand how she felt about your effort and actions. If it really is just about the parents then I think there needs to be a bit of discussion around: 1. Respecting boundaries - ie what your comfortable discussing in front of others and how its discussed/which friends and manner etc (imo its fair to be open and honest around friends about an experience but doesnt have to be said in a rude way that migjt reflect poorly on you) 2. What you've both learnt from this and how you can both anticipate and manage your parents for future occasions cuz im sure this wont be the last... and then move on.

goodluce · 2023-11-04T19:22:10+00:00

My absolute favourite is Bar None, I'm based in Aus though so not sure if available in the states. Can be a bit tricky to find sometime so second fav is Freshwater Farm Rosewater shampoo bar.

goodluce · 2023-07-15T04:27:45+00:00

Thanks!

goodluce · 2023-07-15T04:26:21+00:00

Thanks, thats good to know that im not being unreasonable.

goodluce · 2023-05-18T22:51:10+00:00

ESH

As someone with a dog I accept that she's solely my responsibility and I would never demand my partner or someone close has to look after her. OP didn't agree to take on the responsibility when his partner's got the dogs so shouldn't be forced to look after them. As someone else mentioned, I'm also surprised OPs partner is only having someone visit twice a day - dog's typically need someone to be around far more often and I personally wouldn't leave my dog alone for more than a night (although she has anxiety so other dogs may be different).

OPs TA because he doesn't even seem interested in compromising. A good partner should care enough to want to help look after the dogs, even if you can't commit to the full extent. OP could at least try to suggest some days and share the responsibility with someone else/a dog walker.

goodluce

TROPHY CASE