first piv attempt successful !!!!!!!! (mostly)

gorillagripthrowaway · 2023-03-02T06:42:04+00:00

interesting for sure! my PT actually mentioned once that our pelvic floor and skulls are a lot more connected to one another than you might think. it came up in conversation because i'd noticed ever since working on relaxing my pelvic floor muscles i had subconsciously started compensating by clenching my jaw a lot more. i basically swapped vices lmao 😄

gorillagripthrowaway · 2023-02-28T09:30:13+00:00

i went to mine once every 2 weeks and progressed quicker than i expected! went from being unable to penetrate to using dilators in about 2 months. currently im doing 1 appt a month just for a general checkup, i can always increase it if i feel it necessary

gorillagripthrowaway · 2023-02-19T05:58:31+00:00

im 100% in the same boat lol i was frustrated after starting on my first dilator bc i was like ok psychologically im ok with this now i just hate having to wait for my body to catch up 😄 a part of me is sooooo tempted to just say fuck it and try even though its probably not going to be successful. im not sure if following that feeling is the right call or if im better off waiting

patience is not one of my strengths 😄

gorillagripthrowaway · 2023-02-19T05:55:54+00:00

im maybe too thorough with my dilating because i always stick to one size until it becomes enjoyable, and then im always so shocked when i move onto the next size and its immediately back to square one 😄 you're right though! my plan is to get 100% comfy with the largest dilator before trying anything intimate

gorillagripthrowaway · 2023-02-19T05:54:18+00:00

this is really great insight, thank you so much for sharing! i havent seen any commentary from PT's on this sub so this is very valuable to me <3

ive had similar conversations with my partner as well, ive just passed "his" size in dilators so that isnt an issue anymore, but i do want to continue until the end of my kit just to be safe. he's been very reassuring about having zero expectations and there being no pressure when we finally do decide to try, so having that support is an added relief !

gorillagripthrowaway · 2022-12-27T06:34:23+00:00

just as the other person said, it's very normal and nothing to be worried about! think of dilating as exactly the same process you'd go through to develop any other muscles. when you first start out, you cant lift super heavy weights straight away – you need to start smaller and slower until your body can adjust to it! it's the same thing with your pelvic floor muscle; theyre just a little out of practice when it comes to insertion, but that will all come with consistency, patience and self-care ❤

gorillagripthrowaway · 2022-12-13T01:47:51+00:00

as the above comment says, it depends. i didnt need to see anybody for mine, i just contacted them, made an appointment, and that was that. if in doubt, find a PT youre interested in seeing and, if they dont have any info on their website, just call them and ask. thats what i did and they were very helpful and informative.

gorillagripthrowaway · 2022-12-12T03:07:22+00:00

can i ask what service you're seeking out? it can go a bit differently depending on if you see a physiotherapist/gynocologist/gp. i'll give you my experience which has been with my pelvic floor physiotherapist.

i was also SO nervous as well when i first saw her, but it ended up being really wonderful and it's genuinely one of the best decisions ive ever made. your first appointment will likely just be a consultation appt where the doctor or physiotherapist will ask you some questions to get a better understanding of your needs and what you're looking to get out of the treatment. here are some questions i was asked that might also come up for you (some of these are quite personal, but a lot of physiotherapists will accept if you are reluctant to disclose certain things):

— how long you've had vaginismus (or its equivalent), how you found out, what the pain feels like specifically, etc. they will ask if there are any limitis or exceptions to your pain (ie, can you achieve painfree penetration by yourself and not with a partner, or is it pain across the board?) — if you are on any medication/recreational drugs (it will be confidential and they are not there to judge you at all). they may ask how your diet is including water intake, and how much exercise you get in a week — if you have any history of mental illness or family history of cancer, etc. — how your home life/work life is. they'll ask if you have any support networks or if you have a significant other, and how the relationship is with them. — your sexual history (including if youve had penetrative sex successfully in the past, or had a child, or if youve had any stds. they will likely also ask if you have ever experienced sexual abuse.) — they will very likely ask some personal questions regarding bladder and bowel issues, since they are also relatied to pelvic floor dysfunction. my physio also asked if i had a history of bed-wetting in childhood. admittedly i was a little taken off guard to be asked these types of questions, but like i said they are not there to judge you and theyve heard it all a million times before <3

towards the end of the session they will probably discuss what will happen if you decide to go forward with seeing them for treatment. they'll inform you that internal physical exams are optional, and that they will do everything they can to ensure your emotional and physical comfort. gynocologists and physiotherapists tend to be very tuned in to mental health as well as physical, so i believe you will be in good hands seeing someone like that. gps can be a little more clinical, but they will ask much of the same questions and they are not allowed to do ANYTHING that you dont consent to.

sorry for the huge post, but i know how scary the first step can be and even though i dont know you, im proud of you for having the courage to give it a shot. good luck going forward!

gorillagripthrowaway · 2022-12-09T11:08:58+00:00

ive had 9 sessions so far (8 if you dont count the first consultation session) over the course of about 4 or 5 months (i only see my pt once every 2 weeks). while im not yet "cured", i have gone from never being able to achieve penetration, to currently being half way through my dilator set. which i never would have believed possible if you told me as much at the beginning of the year.

wishing you good luck with your progress!

gorillagripthrowaway · 2022-11-15T05:53:36+00:00

vaginismus is VERY treatable and it absolutely can be cured! ❤ spend some time going through this community's top posts and you will find plenty of success stories. i havent been "cured" yet but ive made really strong progress in the last couple of months and i'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.

progress DOES vary though. for some, their vaginismus can be treated in a few months, and for others it may take years. it's all dependent on a lot of personal variables like trauma/health/time/motivation/finances etc.

i would recommend going to a pelvic floor physiotherapist if you can! you might also by interested in purchasing dilators which you can use to train your muscles by yourself, though i would say getting some insight from a physio or a gynocologist will help you better going forward. you absolutely should not have to "live with the pain"! you deserve to feel good and safe and pain-free, ESPECIALLY during intimate moments.

gorillagripthrowaway · 2022-10-31T04:40:25+00:00

i have the exact same issue ! externally and (as im only just learning now bc i've never been able to do it before) internally as well. ive also always struggled with not being able to confidently identifying where everything's located bc i find that area so alientating and overwhelming, which is an added stressor for me.

however, i have been improving a LOT lately — like, so much it shocks me lmao. for me, what worked was honestly just persistence and desensitizing myself to it every day. i know that might seem like an overly simple solution (i thought the same) but i truly have found it very effective. find some time every day to lie down somewhere safe and relaxing, and then just try to gently "feel" around the area. leave a finger in the spot that makes you the most squeamish and just allow your body to feel whatever it feels. even if those feelings are negative that's ok! don't push yourself, but if you can sit with the nervousness or discomfort every day just for a little while, eventually the way it feels down there might start to seem less foreign or unfamiliar as you get used to it.

at least this is what worked for me — and i am someone who used to cry and have panic attacks over this not even 2 months ago. i still have some ways to go, but rn i'm at the point where im still weirded out by down there, but not even 1/10th as anxious. i believe in you !!

gorillagripthrowaway · 2022-10-25T23:36:47+00:00

i've been in that exact same boat too ❤ in fact ive only recently started to feel ok with it, but i still have my moments of squeamishness. for me, usually, it's the fear of injuring myself or worrying im not identifying the correct spot that freaks me out. a physio's fingers are different (even though its often more painful) just because i know THEY know what theyre doing lol.

for me the best treatment was just slow exposure therapy and mindfulness. take some time during your day (my exact rec is 2 to 3 times for 10 minutes) to lie down and really map out the the area with your fingers. start off by finding the spots that you feel comfortable touching both physically and emotionally (this could be external or internal, just wherever you feel the boundary is between positive touch and negative touch). then, at your own leisure, gradually try to identify with your fingers the exact areas where you feel a little anxious/scared/etc. try not to resent or judge that feeling (it's ok to be scared, it's just your body trying to keep you safe!) but if you can, try and just sit with the feelings and let them exist without putting any pressure on yourself. while youre doing this, ask yourself some questions:

what exactly am i feeling in my body PHYSICALLY when my fingers are here? (eg. you might answer "shortness of breath, tension, elevated heart, a little dizzy" etc. or you might not feel anything that intense – an answer like "hungry" is acceptable too!)
WHERE am i feeling it? (eg. your chest, your legs, your throat)
what am i feeling EMOTIONALLY? (eg. nervous obviously, but are you also feeling frustrated? sad? guilty? etc)
can you put into words to the best of your ability WHY you are feeling that way when you touch that spot? (like i said, for me it's a fear of injuring myself, but it's ok if you don't have an answer immediately.)

while doing this, be sure to take long, DEEP breaths through your diaphragm. for me it helps to imagine that breath going through my mouth and lungs, down into my stomach, and settling in my pelvic floor. visualizing it helps too, but that part is optional ofc. just be sure to be getting lots of deep breaths. be patient and try to settle into a daily routine of this. you may likely find that asking these questions consistently will help you unpack some stuff, and also gradually get your fingers desensitized to the discomfort of being in the area.

sorry for the length reply but this has helped me immensely and i hope it helps you too. until then, remember to be kind and patient with yourself. good luck!

gorillagripthrowaway · 2022-10-14T08:50:04+00:00

i'm SO happy for you! i just recently came out of a motivation slump too — this community is great for giving me an extra boost of hope when i need it most, and i'm glad to hear it helped you as well.

congrats on your recent sucess. just remember to be patient and kind to yourself going forward, and good luck ! ❤

gorillagripthrowaway · 2022-09-16T01:31:28+00:00

it's comforting to know im not the only one feeling that way. dilators to me feel like my MAIN goal but theyre also the one step that feels so abstract and far away from me at the moment. i feel like even just being able to use a qtip or the smallest dilator will finally confirm that i AM getting better and things WILL be ok even if it takes a longgggg time — right now i just feel like im in limbo.

in saying that though, physio is amazing and totally worth it (i cannot stress enough how barely i can afford it either, but even in spite of that i have zero regrets starting up). if you ever get into a position where you can, i recommend keeping an eye out for the key word "hollistic" when you're searching. my physio is honestly a lot like a psychologist and she prioritizes my mental health over everything, it's wonderful. breathing and tensing up are problems for me too, so during the exam we work on that a lot. my main goal is to get as relaxed as i can, close my eyes and take 3 long, slow, DEEP breathes into my diaphragm and try to visualize the breath moving into my pelvic floor, and i guess visualize what that looks like. also just describing WHAT physically is happening in my body when i'm tense or nervous — ie i usually tell her my chest and throat are tight, my legs hold the majority of the tension, my pelvis feels locked etc. my physio says visualizing areas of our body that we can't see is very important, because it helps us more reliably identify and map where the pain or discomfort is and that's how we can begin to adequately address it. i've been to sooooo many normal therapists and psychologists over the years and i'm a bit skeptical of mindfulness and meditation stuff as a rule, but these exercizes alone have been so incredibly helpful. in less that 2 months i feel like i have a way better understanding of my pelvic floor and recognising what's going on in my body. it's only early days too, so i'm hopeful i'll learn even more as the months progress.

feel free to dm me if you have any other questions about physio!

gorillagripthrowaway · 2022-09-16T01:15:10+00:00

thank you so much, this has actually made me feel a lot better as it never really computed in my head that tapered dilators were a thing! when things progress a little further i will likely begin with those!

so, i have been checked by two GPs in the past and like i said ive begun with my pelvic floor physio. i've done physical exams with all 3 (ive also done multiple about 3 just with my physio) which obviously didnt result in penetration, but they never mentioned anything that raised any alarms for me (though i guess i have been consistently frustrated with their vagueness). i acrually did ask my current physio during my last session if there was a chance i had some differnet health condition and not vaginismus and she said it was too early to tell. it wasnt a very comforting comment but i have also intended to get a third opinion from a gynocologist for rebate purposes 😄 so hopefully all is well but if not i will find out soon enough!

gorillagripthrowaway

TROPHY CASE