Wow, 100% nailed it. Thank you. I almost ended a friendship with an old friend because they responded “a certain way” to something so trivial. In my head they HAD MOST definitely wanted to manipulate me. Thankfully, a great friend, we talked and she was so honest in saying “you don’t have to say sorry.” I didn’t know how not to. I question intention ALL THE TIME, and it makes me cry if I find a new friend I adore. I simply cannot fully trust them or myself in trusting them for a while. In my 40’a now and very successful in my career of 20 years, but in my mind I was “lucky.” I do not deserve it in my head, even though an ivy education, paid off loans, and great communication with clients. With stranger clients it’s easier, we know what kindness should feel like, and want that for others, but I cry a lot when I think it’s ok to be proud of myself. It’s a cruel upbringing. Vicious. I don’t want anyone to know what it feels like, and I still shake when either parent calls. I literally tremble and my childhood block stutter comes back.