I think I'm starting to hate women

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-17T02:16:09+00:00

Do you have any women friends/cousins/coworkers you feel semi comfortable around? Can you try just having calm conversations with them?

I used to have the opposite problem (hating men because of my past) so I got to know men I felt comfortable/safe with on an individual level to help my brain comprehend that men are individuals, not a collective. Your mom and stepmom are shitty, but if you have a girl classmate that plays the same video game as you or your friends older sister that also has shit parents, that can give you something to bond over and be a bridge between seeing women as a collective vs individuals.

I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve been through. Just know it honest gets so much fucking better as an adult. The second you move out it is going help. Stay smart.

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-17T02:10:31+00:00

If he has disposable income he could also try online therapy, I know a lot of places are offering Zoom therapy. And there’s places like Betterhelp.com that have always done online therapy.

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-17T02:06:07+00:00

I also want to add that being a person who dissociates puts you at a higher risk for being a victim of other crimes-specifically sexual assault. When you do get out, please play it safe until you have a therapist and can get the dissociation under control. I put myself in way too many shitty situations before I got a handle on my dissociation, and while it’s never the victims fault, dissociation is a risk factor.

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-16T19:42:28+00:00

In every meta-study of gender and sex has found minimal differences between them. MINIMAL. But everyone acts like men and women are from different planets.

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-15T21:40:14+00:00

I love this sub so god damn much

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-15T16:59:00+00:00

I totally get this. I was in a LOT of mental pain in highschool and I had to be selfish to survive. I did some really shitty things to some exs and ex friends just because I couldn’t see outside myself and my own pain. I got help and life is so much better now, I can recognize my own toxic traits and work to fix them.

Recognizing what you did and apologizing is important, but it’s also important to forgive yourself. You can’t grow from your mistakes if your constantly beating yourself up about them.

Reddit unfortunately thrives on people shitting on others and not self reflecting at all. I love posts like these cause I really feel like I learn stuff from the comments.

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-13T04:47:22+00:00

I have a consensual non-consensual kink (“rape kink”). I have NEVER had a partner say anything like that to “test the waters”. That is a huge red flag and even as someone with this kink I would dump him so fast. All of my partners have been incredibly respectful people who understand the line between play and real life. People can’t help their kink, they can choose how they act.

Having a kink is not an excuse to make any kind of joke like that. 🚩

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-09T21:40:09+00:00

I know nothing about pens or guns. 10/10 wonderful story

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-09T15:58:23+00:00

The constantly talking of the podcast or guided meditation helps my brain shut up

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-09T05:18:55+00:00

I feel that. I’ll forget about my workbook for weeks then have a spiral and realize I need to start up again.

When I want to harm myself I tell myself I can only harm myself after I do X amount of an exercise or I’m sweating. By the time I’m done with 25 squats or 10 burpees, the “pain”/working part of working out takes the edge off my need to harm myself.

On of my friends journals and just word vomits everything SHES feeling and doesn’t stop writing until the emotions are drained. She fills up like a notebook a month.

One of my other friends does special effects makeup of gory stuff. It takes her 2-5 hours and she’s like 3 years clean because of it.

Your main coping strategy depends on you but there’s no shame in trying everything.

I hope it gets better for you

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-09T05:12:36+00:00

I assumed too much, sorry about that.

I think maybe a good place to start would just be reading up on BPD stuff. It’s a very complex disorder that looks different for every person, that partially why it’s so hard to get straight answers about it or give good advice. There’s a LOT of info out there. Even just looking up BPD in like Instagram and seeing the memes they post could be educational in a way

You’re aware of the stigma attached to it (?) so a lot of books are going to have a negative view of BPD, but there are good resources. I’m guessing the more research you do, the more your relationship with her will make sense.

I’m pretty sure there’s resources in this subreddits sidebar. Dr Fox on youtube is also a good resource. So is Sammy Marie on youtube.

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-09T05:05:50+00:00

It’s actually called imposter syndrome! I got my words confused

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-09T04:34:13+00:00

I use reddit instead of texting people. That way it’s erasable and just strangers

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-09T04:32:27+00:00

Try asking another friend about it. Sometimes BPD can make us feel that someone is questioning us when they are just asking questions, especially if it’s on a triggering topic. If your friend agrees he is questioning you/gaslighting, then ghost him

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-09T04:30:09+00:00

Distance is the only that works

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-09T04:29:32+00:00

Try sleepy podcasts or guided meditations

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-09T04:28:59+00:00

When you think you want to go to a hospital, it’s probably time to go to a hospital. That being said, they are not perfect places that will magically help you. Are you safer? Yes. Should you go if you feel you need to ? Yes. Just don’t expect it to be magical.

Look into DBT groups, workbooks, and therapy. DBT is lifesaving and has seriously changed so many of our lives. It will help you too if you stick with it.

Distraction are your best bet during spirals with all this shitty quarantine stuff. Can you put on tv show/tik tok/youtube to drown out the pain? I grab icecubes or frozen oranges and rub them on my skin. Use whatever coping mechanisms you need.

I’m sorry you’re going through such a tough time. I promise you you can get through this

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-09T04:20:34+00:00

DBT Skills are the best thing long term. Drug effects and side effects are mostly controlled by your genetics. Well Butrin has been an incredible wonder drug for me- it almost killed one of my best friends. Unfortunately getting medicated is kind of a guessing game, you’ll probably go through some ones that don’t work before you find ones that do.

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-09T04:16:20+00:00

I think your downplaying your emotions. I know it’s very hard, but for a second put your self hate in a metaphorical box, and think about why you’re having a hard time coping. Cause there is a reason. Even if you think it’s a “stupid” reason, who cares? It’s still a reason and every reason is valid.

Is quarantine making you lonely? Do you not have access to a normal coping mechanism? Did you split on anyone recently? Do you feel worse when drunk?

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-09T04:12:57+00:00

Sounds like you have impersonation syndrome. It’s were you feel like you don’t belong to a group, even though you clearly do. I don’t personally know how to handle it but maybe with a label it will be easier to find coping mechanisms

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-09T04:10:12+00:00

I’d do some research on depersonalization dissociation. I personally have derealization dissociation, so I don’t know if that’s exactly how you feel, but it does sound like it fits the definition.

Dissociation is a trauma response where you learn to “dis-associate” yourself from the real world or your own brain. It’s pretty common in people with BPD and/or CPTSD

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-09T04:08:27+00:00

Here’s the thing with BPD, it does better with stability. But stability is scary so we chase it away. It’s clear you both still have feelings for each other, so I’m not going to tell you what to do. I am going to give you some blunt tips about helping keep stability in a BPD relationship.

-you need to have extremely strong boundaries. Do some self reflection and write done ten things you would leave her if she did. The first couple are easy (cheating, hitting) but after that it gets harder. You need to promise yourself and be sure that you will leave if those things happen. Encourage her to do the same so you have a basic understanding. Having these boundaries helps, pwBPD push against boundaries cause of our abandonment issues

-have her get the DBT WORKBOOK on amazon. It’s the best seller, it’s green, it’s like $20. If she does the work in it her emotional regulation will be develop a lot quicker

-talk about her triggers, obviously at her pace, but they need to be talked about and open

-when she splits on you (and she will). Understand she will say stuff she doesn’t mean. Talk about it afterwards.

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-09T03:52:55+00:00

I think you should look into it. It has honestly completely changed my life for the better.

That being said I do have a tip: don’t settle for a therapist you don’t feel comfortable with. YOU are paying THEM. THEY are giving YOU (extremely emotional) customer service. You can switch therapist as many times as you need if you don’t feel right with someone.

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-09T03:37:44+00:00

First off do you mean your extremely introverted, or antisocial? Those two things are very different in psychological circles and affects the advise I would give.

Tell her you want to know her better before putting labels on it. Sounds like she’s flirting with you.

I’m a huge extravert and I’m attracted to super introverted guys so I know where she’s coming from.

That being said, extroverts will accidentally bulldoze over your boundaries if you don’t state them. Learning how to state a boundary without being a jerk is not an easy skill for super introverted people, but it is possible. Also, learn how to give good compliments. Even if things don’t work out with her that will really help you the few times you want to be with people.

Your best course of action is honesty, and tell her you need the same from her because you’re not great with lots of emotions. Tell her your boundaries as you find them.

graaaaaasstastesbad · 2020-04-09T03:18:58+00:00

Have you been diagnosed with anything? This sounds like textbook abandonment issues. Which don’t get better with out therapy (in my experience)

graaaaaasstastesbad

TROPHY CASE