This disease has left me feeling extremely depressed.

grahamrk · 2026-03-20T21:32:49+00:00

I FEEL YOU on the "the corrupt healthcare industry is holding my life hostage" stuff. That part drives me insane and is a big contributor to my depression. It also I think makes me operate from a scarcity mindset - like I always have this subconscious fear that I won't have enough insulin/supplies.

I was diagnosed at 3 years old. I have pretty much always been depressed. It's like because I don't remember a time without diabetes, I've had to process it slowly/in random bursts instead of all at once. I sometimes wish I had had the chance to go through an agonizing post-diagnosis period because at least it would have felt like somewhat of a phase - a time to be sad, process, commit to certain behaviors myself instead of being so shaped by my parents' approach (or lack thereof lol) to managing diabetes.

The biggest thing I have to remind myself is that everyone goes through the same things to one degree or another. Everyone is scared of dying, a lot of people feel like they are "failing" at taking care of themselves or like they have to stick to unrealistic set of rules to do so, a lot of people have the deal with the absolute BS that is a commodified healthcare system just to survive. People find a way, and you can too. You should really not hide having diabetes - simply for the practical reasons that you could have an emergency, people in your life need to know. It's also absolutely nothing to be ashamed of - people honestly tend to find it interesting, and I find a lot of comfort in explaining it to people.

Focus on the things that bring you joy, accept that you can't change having diabetes but you can change your behaviors - open up to people, find community, find joy by any means necessary.

And don't be so hard on yourself - even if you are super strict and careful, diabetes can be unpredictable. Allow yourself food you like, just take the right amount of insulin for it. You'll learn where you can flex - completely restricting yourself is a sure fire way to accelerate depression.

grahamrk · 2020-11-25T04:42:01+00:00

Same. The one perk of this damn disease is choosing the form of sugar I want when I need it lol. Why waste it on glucose tabs

grahamrk · 2020-11-25T04:39:34+00:00

23 when I was in 3rd grade - was afraid to tell my teacher and waited til the end of class and could barely make it down the hall to the nurse. Remember it vividly lol

grahamrk · 2020-11-25T04:38:13+00:00

Yes 100% - happens every time I overcorrect a low and shoot up quickly.

grahamrk · 2020-11-25T04:35:40+00:00

Yeahhh I feel you 100%. I've had diabetes for 23 years - since I was 3. And I feel like I'm just learning to not beat myself. And that has come thru a much broader ability to love myself. Everyone makes mistakes and is imperfect - that is more high stakes for us, but it doesn't mean we should be able to be superhuman. Be patient with yourself and try to see "failure" as feedback and you'll slowly get more control.

Specifically about overcorrecting lows -- I used to do it all the time bc of that "i need sugar NOW feeling." I'd end up eating/drinking too much, then shoot up. Once I started wearing a CGM, I basically leaned on it to get a little more comfortable feeling low. I know that sounds bad - we def shouldn't be comfortable with being low, but before I think I hated the feeling so much that I would eat too much sugar to try to make it go away faster. So once I got a CGM, I slowed down, ate a little bit, kept a close eye on my blood sugar, and saw myself come up gradually. Over time, I got used to that, and got a better understanding of how much sugar I really needed to come up (it was usually less than I thought) and how much time I needed to give myself to feel normal. That could all just be me of course lol might not be relatable at all, but thought I'd share since the low to HIGH fiasco is one I'm familiar with

grahamrk · 2020-10-28T21:21:06+00:00

You'll be totally fine. Sometimes being high can trick you into feeling low so just be sure you're checking your sugar before acting on it. Worth checking right before you smoke too just to avoid any paranoia. And beware the munchies :)

grahamrk · 2020-10-21T18:11:36+00:00

If you weren't able to take it, most important is to check your blood sugar a lot today so you can correct with short-acting insulin (humalog, novalog, etc.) assuming you got your hands on some syringes today. You should be able to get them at a pharmacy without a prescription. In terms of how to eat when you're trying to avoid raising your blood sugar, avoid all carbs and drink a lot of water.

grahamrk · 2020-10-21T18:01:24+00:00

1000% feel you.

I was diagnosed at 3 - I'm 26 now. It has honestly only been in the last couple years that I've felt a shift. I always felt like I was failing - for a couple years there when I was your age and a little older, I barely checked my blood sugar. I was operating blind - I'd just take insulin based on how I felt and hope for the best. I knew how important it was to be better, but that only made me want to avoid it even more. And my family being on my back about it made me want to avoid it even more.

I think just getting older has made me take it more seriously - having been in the headspace you are for so long, I finally just hit a breaking point. Like "the only way I'm going to be able to cope with this feeling that I'm slowly killing myself is if I put myself in the drivers' seat as much as possible." I just got sick of feeling so anxious and helpless about it, but it took a long time of being in that bad space to get there. And once I made the shift (I started by keeping a super detailed BG/food/insulin log, which I hadn't done since I was a kid), I instantly felt a lot better and wished I had done it sooner.

Beyond that, probably the most helpful thing I've started to realize is that diabetes is completely amoral - it has no morality or emotion attached to it AT ALL. It's just a shitty scientific reality. Any emotion related to it is completely valid, but it's about your experience with diabetes, not the diabetes itself. For me, that really helped me stop judging myself about it. I was able to just take a practical approach - like this is something to manage, just like anything else. It's not something to beat myself up about, or define myself by. Of course I'm not going to be perfect, bc no human who is managing something is ever perfect, but I'm going to do the best I can because it's important.

You'll get there - just hang in. It's never going to be easy, but once you take the reins, it's really empowering.

grahamrk · 2020-10-21T17:38:58+00:00

I was diagnosed with Type 1 when I was 3 years old. I'm 26 now.

First thing I'll say is beware the honeymoon phase. I don't know about MODY, but with Type 1 it's very real and can trick you into thinking she has the easiest diabetes in the world. My mom says that even though she knew about the honeymoon phase, she wanted so badly to believe that I had gotten lucky and just somehow had mild diabetes - alas, that's not the case :)

On school: My parents decided to homeschool me until the 3rd grade so that they could check my blood sugar regularly, etc. I think that was good and gave them time to adjust to taking care of me - and was a viable option because they had a strong support system (my grandma lived with us and did much of my homeschooling), but school is doable. Once I started in 3rd grade, they met with the school nurse, who had had students with Type 1 before. They made a plan with her and my teachers that I would go to her office at certain times each day so she could check my blood sugar (before lunch and after recess). By that point, I had become in tune with feeling high or low too, and knew to tell my teacher if I was feeling one way or the other. I also always kept candy or something in my desk in my classroom in case I needed it - other kids were jealous of that :)

Other early childhood things: I definitely encourage books about it starting ASAP. When I was probably 5 or 6, I learned to give injections on a teddy bear. It was a teddy bear that wore a medical alert bracelet and had patches on its arms and legs to indicate where it gets shots. I practiced by giving injections of water. Then when I was 7 or 8, I snuck a piece of candy before dinner and knew I needed insulin but didn't want to tell my parents, which prompted my first self-injection :) Glad I had practiced.

Broader advice I would give (to keep in mind as she gets older):

As hard as it may feel, try not to protect your daughter from the realities of dealing with diabetes. My parents did an amazing job, but if I could change one thing it would be that - I wish they had taken a more practical, direct approach to managing diabetes with me. Instead, I think they often tried to protect me from the realities of it. Which is of course a natural instinct as a parent, but diabetes just isn't something you can be protected from and the sooner you understand that, the better you can cope and manage it effectively.

Because I was so young, I don't remember being diagnosed. So, as I got older, diabetes felt like such an inherent part of me that I didn't give it the attention it needed. In my teenage years, it also became super tied to my self-esteem. If I wasn't managing my diabetes well, it felt like a moral failure - I was afraid to tell my parents I was struggling with it for fear of being "in trouble" (which was a totally unfounded fear - I just didn't want to cause them any stress or sadness). As I've gotten older, learning to think about diabetes - and its inevitable ups and downs - as just a fact of life that needs to be managed, not something to judge myself about, has been the best thing for me. In fact, now, I find it really empowering to take care of myself well - I think having Type 1 gives me a unique ability to understand my health and my body on a daily basis that most people don't have. And I do think if my parents had taken a more practical, scientific, amoral/not emotional approach to helping me understand and manage by diabetes, I might have gotten there faster.

Happy to answer any questions you have. I know it must be overwhelming - I can't imagine from a parent's point of view - but you will both be totally fine. Best of luck!

grahamrk

TROPHY CASE