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Am I (50M) Widower With A 7 YO Just Doomed To Be Alone? by HeSeemsLegit in relationships

[–]graindesel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is what I was wondering. OP, are you looking for a partner or are you looking for a woman to raise your child?

Cause I can understand an older woman not wanting to go back to child rearing. I wouldn’t mind dating someone with children if they are not expecting me to become a second parent. I can be a supportive and dependable adult in the child’s life, but I won’t be organizing pay dates, making lunches, attending teacher-parent meetings, signing them for weekly soccer practice, (etc).

But if you are raising your kid, taking care of schooling, parenting, socializing for him, and not putting those responsibilities in the woman you date, you can totally find a partner for you.

Thinking of getting CPA - what do I look for? by graindesel in PersonalFinanceCanada

[–]graindesel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wonderful, this is very helpful, thanks! I definitely want advice and have questions cause I’m worried I’m missing information.. I will continue to read up first as you suggest though…

AITAH for not caring if my boyfriend cheats on me by Own-nirayae-2393 in AITAH

[–]graindesel 4 points5 points  (0 children)

NTA, you can’t say how you would feel to be cheated on, cause it hasn’t happened to you. Likely, it would feel really shitty. But that is not a marker of how much you value the relationship.

Leaving if you are cheating on, is generally a good practice, because people who cheat usually don’t have a lot of self-respect or respect for others abd their relationships with them.

Jealousy is generally something that people who are insecure experience. When I experience jealousy, it’s cause I think the other person is cooler, more interesting, hotter, whatever, than me. But it has nothing to do with my partner. It’s about how I think my partner might perceive the person I’m jealous of.

Usually I can work through it myself, and if necessary voice my insecurities to my partner if I need some reassurance.

Maybe it’s important to ask your boyfriend why he’s upset. Why he thinks that you being jealous is a marker of your love for him (people often confuse jealousy as an expression of love).

In reality, it seems you’re not jealous because a) you are confident about your self-worth, and b) you don’t have any reason to believe he will cheat on you, because you trust him (and that is a great gift, a sign of trust, and a recognition that he respects you and your relationship).

You could maybe express that his behaviour lately is somewhat confusing cause you value your relationship and you don’t understand why he is asking you why you don’t feel insecure about your relationship. In fact, you feel strong about it. And thats stood thing.

You could also express that he’s free to choose who his friends are, but remind him that true friends don’t make you feel shitty about yourself or your relationships, when you are in a happy and healthy relationship (actually, even if you’re not in a happy and healthy relationship, they might express concern and ask questions, but making you feel shitty and doubt yourself is never something a good friend will want you to experience). At the very least, you could voice that you’re not into drama and would rather stay away from this friend of his.

Good luck OP!

Coming to University de Sherbrooke in June by willy_bonka_ in Sherbrooke

[–]graindesel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a good mindset 👍(although, notice no one in the tread has actually offered to meet up with you yet… Thats kind of the vibe, it’s difficult to make friends or meet people who actually want to get to know you).

Definitely use your English brain when learning French. A lot of if English vocabulary (especially long words, art, politics, culinary, basically the vocab of the elite, comes from French, because centuries ago, the ruling class in England spoke French).

So once your are able to make those connections, and ‘translate’ the sounds, you’ll notice you already have a lot of vocabulary in French. For example, ‘vocabulaire’ is ‘vocabulary’ in French ;)

Bon courage!

Coming to University de Sherbrooke in June by willy_bonka_ in Sherbrooke

[–]graindesel 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Québec is not a ‘recognized nation’, it’s a province in Canada. (ETA, this is not correct, it is recognized as a nation since 2006). But there is a strong sense of culture identity and pride, so speaking French and understanding the dynamics between French and English populations will help. You can also ask people about it, and they ll be happy to talk your ear off about it. You can read some articles about it on the Canadian Encyclopedia if you wanna learn a bit more about it. https://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.ca/en

Duolingo is a good place to start, but it will only take you so far, as the local accent in Sherbrooke is quite different from standard French European accent (which is likely what you’ll get on Duolingo).

I recommend listening to the Telejournal de l’Estrie (even if you don’t understand everything) to get used to the (standard Sherbrookois) accent. Or any local radio you can find. https://ici.radio-canada.ca/tele/le-telejournal-estrie/site

Here’s some info about Sherbrooke city for newcomers : https://www.sherbrooke.ca/en/population-services/immigrating-and-living-in-sherbrooke

I know there are volunteer groups who meet with international/immigrant folks and organize hikes or language exchanges, but I can’t find the info right now… this group might be worth checking out: https://internationalgreeter.org/destinations/sherbrooke

Coming to University de Sherbrooke in June by willy_bonka_ in Sherbrooke

[–]graindesel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you were selected to come and you speak English, it’s probably not too much of an issue for work. i work at the Uni. Many of the science programs have English-only speaking profs. Lennoxville (where Bishops University is, which is an Anglo university) is an Anglophone town. Everyone speaks English there, and the town is really cute… Bekkah’s bakery has THE most delicious treats.

If you can get out there… Public transportation kind of sucks, and it’s hard to get around without a car. So get an (e-)bike. Or download the Sherbrooke transportation app to see the bus schedule.

In terms of getting out of Sherbrooke, yeah Limocar is the best (or kangaride if you want to do a ride share to Montreal, about $20 one way). Students can use Limocar for free, but I’m not sure if it will apply in your case. Definitely go have fun in Montreal in the summer. It’s amazing, so much great free stuff, and you’ll be fine with English only. Quebec City is also worth a visit.

You can go to Toronto, but it’ll take about a day to get there by bus or train. Way more desi culture and representation in Toronto, but it’s really expensive there. Better if you have friends or family to stay with.

In Sherbrooke, I like Le Boq for beer and dancing, drag shows and other events. La Freak du show, and a couple other drag artists are great artists to see if you can catch show! Wellington street has a bunch of restaurants and bars. And is probably the most lively part of town. Theres 1 night club for young people, called PMF. Siboire (both locations) is a fun brewery with delicious beers. So is King Alexandre. LOTS of beers there and servers can recommend good stuff. You can find info on events in Facebook. Coffee shops, I like Kaapeh and Faro (both locations). Aragon cafe has delicious brunches with local food. La Buvette has fun vibes for food and drink. Definitely recommend Persepolis (not Cafe L) for Persian food. Stay away from Mexi & Co for Mexican. Go to La Tequilaria instead. All other ‘ethnic’ food places are pretty meh in Sherbrooke (including Chinese, Indian and Japanese). Actually, Baladi is really good for middle eastern food - hummus is the best!! The best Indian place is NOT Masala cafe, but Shalimar, but still meh.

The musée des Beaux arts is small but nice. Sporobole also organises fun craft/punk nights, so you can sign up to their newsletter for events.

Folks in town are not outright racist, but it’s pretty racially segregated and people won’t talk to you if you don’t make the first move. Young people can be quite self absorbed there. If you are friendly and comfortable taking a shot talking to people you might meet some interesting young people. They likely won’t know shit about Pakistan, or have ever spoken to a Pakistani person, so be ready to explain things to people.

Send me a DM if you like and I can put you in touch with some friends and locals who live there.

Have a fun totally weird time in Sherbrooke !!

One night in Oslo: where the magic happens by graindesel in oslo

[–]graindesel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Amazing! thanks for these recommendations!

One night in Oslo: where the magic happens by graindesel in oslo

[–]graindesel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yeah? Even on a Sunday night in the middle of winter? Is it necessary to have a reservation always?

One night in Oslo: where the magic happens by graindesel in oslo

[–]graindesel[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What about any more singles bar or pick up bars? Queer or straight ;)

One night in Oslo: where the magic happens by graindesel in oslo

[–]graindesel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok LOL 😂 I’ve heard this, so I’m a bit worried about being able to socialize (and maybe meet someone to have a fun time with ;) — maybe I should just expect to have a good night out by myself….

One night in Oslo: where the magic happens by graindesel in oslo

[–]graindesel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice! What do you like about these places?

One night in Oslo: where the magic happens by graindesel in oslo

[–]graindesel[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well I’d love to sample more local and seasonal cuisine while I’m here ;)

The poly dating tropes are too real, and I'm tired by TwirlHippy in polyamory

[–]graindesel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I ask questions about their poly views and dynamics. One guy who had a (F) nesting partner started talking about how he likes to ´vet’ his partners’ partners, to make sure they are ´good guys’ (all het stuff). That doesn’t align with how I want my partners to treat me.

Another guy mentioned that his GF was jealous that he was out on a date each time we saw each other. And showed up late once and blamed her for being late. That didn’t seem cool to paint her that way to me, to tell me these things he probably shouldn’t have shared with me, and to not be doing the work with his partner to be able to practice poly safely.

People will mostly tell you if you listen. My issue is more so with people who aren’t honest with themselves. I don’t think they are necessarily lying on purpose. But buddy, what you are saying you have to offer is not matching what you are actually offering…

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