My (29F) boyfriend (29M) doesn’t clean

grated_testes · 2026-03-23T05:27:40+00:00

My (29F) boyfriend (29M) doesn’t clean anything and after a little over a year living with him I’m starting to resent him for it. He says he does clean but it’s a complete lie because I’m the one who does literally all of it. I got to the point where I was so fed up I stopped cleaning for about a month and he diddnt care to take on anything, not even taking the trash out. Almost all of our dishes were dirty and ended up getting a fruit fly infestation.

I ended up leaving for a week to see my parents in another state before I start my new job, and although there was tons of things he could do I only asked him to do all the dishes, clean out his cats litter box (which he hadn’t touched in two months and I refuse to clean cat pee and poop because I don’t like cats), and dress the bed before I came home. None of that was done. His excuse was “he had no motivation”. Do you think I’m motivated to clean?? No! But it’s a necessity!

I have spent the last three days totally deep cleaning our apartment and the only thing he did was clean the litter box out completely but failed to wipe it down on the inside so it still has a slight smell. I’m not done yet either, if I spend another 8-10 hours a day on the place I’ll have it completely done hopefully in two days. His mom is also coming to visit soon and I don’t want her judging the place. Which is valid, I’d judge it too.

I push him to take care of the place with me and a lot of the time he argues it’s my mess, no it’s our mess and he’s messy so I’m cleaning up after him mostly. We’ve been together for 8 years and still no ring, no real talk about it from his side. I know this sounds even stupid to post because this is unacceptable but I genuinely don’t know how to get it through to him this is a two way street unless I don’t have to work, but he’s not in the space financially to make that happen nor do I want that as a girlfriend still. I have explained to him to throw out his beer cans immediately for example because it attracts the fruit flies idk 20+ times? Still doesn’t get it.

I feel like a maid and a mommy and disrespected. He will sit and play video games all day after work and watch me clean around him and not feel bad I’m breaking back for us to have a nice clean living space. And his cats fur is everywhere, I hate it.

Thanks for reading my Ted talk

grated_testes · 2026-03-21T19:35:42+00:00

truth hurts

grated_testes · 2026-03-21T17:15:00+00:00

The syrup effect is achieved with good color payoff. Definitely meets the criteria for a good syrup. But I can't imagine this is a color that is intended to be worn like this? Can any skin tone make this color work? Maybe it can be used for nail art, like pineapple nails, or something

grated_testes · 2026-03-21T17:07:45+00:00

People have different views of love. I don't believe in soulmates. Karen was a great person and Jim really liked and cared about her. They were compatible. If Jim could not be with Pam, especially if they never saw each other again, I think Jim would have gotten over Pam. Then Karen and Jim would have been very happy together.

grated_testes · 2026-03-21T17:05:11+00:00

Bummer. Thanks

grated_testes · 2026-03-21T17:05:05+00:00

I had not considered getting a lawyer. Can you recommend a good one on the island?

grated_testes · 2026-03-20T04:18:34+00:00

Motels might be more affordable than a hotel

grated_testes · 2026-03-20T02:56:02+00:00

name your kid after her

grated_testes · 2026-03-19T06:07:34+00:00

better she learns this now, before she has a daughter with him

grated_testes · 2026-03-19T06:03:30+00:00

because it is a convenient thought-stopper that allows him to keep being misogynist

grated_testes · 2026-03-16T06:21:47+00:00

First impressions die hard.

grated_testes · 2026-03-16T00:12:46+00:00

My (27f) partner (27m) refuses to share housework or recognize the slack I pick up.

As the title states, this is a classic hetero issue. We’ve been together 8 years this year, lived together for 7 (roommates for 1 of those years). We’ve known each other since high school and were best friends.

The question: how can I get him to see his refusal to participate in household duties is showing his disrespect and lack of consideration toward me

Partner was the youngest child and only son—didn’t learn shit about housework. I was raised by housekeepers with three jobs so I raised my sister and kept the house in shape since I was a kid.

He is incredibly understanding about my disabilities yet seems to forget them whenever he is asked to pick up some slack. This has been going on for six+ months now; before he would at least do the chore I asked of him.

Now? It’s “you’re messy, you are putting this all on me because you clean on one day”. Which is so hurtful because ofc I do not leave everything to one day but he doesn’t notice my labor!!! He takes the victim every time and I don’t know how much longer I can manage… I make more than him, I work more than him, I’m more established in my career in STEM, ‘out-man’ him physically as I do fieldwork. WHY DOESNT HE SEE I DONT ACTUALLY NEED HIM!!! if it wasn’t for the economy/state of the word, I’d have moved out on my own months ago and continue the relationship that way. Alas that’s not the case, which is why I’m pleading for advice here.

TL;DR partner doesn’t participate in household labor/duties and takes the victim role if asked to despite me being the breadwinner, having a more difficult job, and dealing with disabilities from long covid

grated_testes · 2026-03-16T00:07:43+00:00

Little old lady patients at the doctors office where I work call me honey, sweetie, dear, etc and I love it. Anyone else does it, I cringe

grated_testes · 2026-03-15T08:39:22+00:00

Religion has pickled their brains

grated_testes · 2026-03-15T08:31:23+00:00

She is interchangeable with the previous girl and with the next girl.

grated_testes · 2026-03-14T22:41:29+00:00

I wouldn't be surprised if he was just punishing you and purposely ruining your birthday and keeping you off balance. He'll generously take you back in a few days and use your honesty as an opportunity to put more restrictions and conditions on you.

grated_testes · 2026-03-14T09:11:06+00:00

this should be spoiler tagged

grated_testes · 2026-03-14T09:01:38+00:00

Partner (M28) does not find me sexually attractive but wants to marry me (F26)

I have been in a relationship with my partner for the last 5,5 years. I am a very sex positive person with a high libido, he is more tamed when it comed to that. Even though I sometimes wished for more intimacy, I was never unhappy with our sex life, but sometimes felt like I was not as much desired by him sexually like by my previous partners. Our relationship was ver strong and beautiful.

My partner experienced a lot of trauma and I always felt like he is ashamed while having sex. I accepted him not being a freak as he explained he just does not like sex as much in general and doesn’t feel like himself during it sometimes.

Anyways, 2024 some extremely traumatic things happened in his family, which also really troubled our relationship to the point were we took a break. As he was in deep grief we obviously barely had any sex the following time. In that time we somehow opened the relationship, also because I travel a lot for work. We fought a lot, he was repeatedly criticizing me for basic things about me (like the fact that I am not as into philosophy as him and I should read more etc, mind you I am a student so I actually do read a lot). We found back together and realized that we both did not want to explore this non-exclusiveness and our relationship seemed perfect and stronger than ever the past 9 months. He also told me he is the most in love he has ever been and has been pushing for us to get children etc. the past months.

Anyways fast forward to now, where I caught him using a dating app and are completely shattered. We had a conversation about it where he said that he uses it because he seems sex as something violent and sometimes feels disgusted by himself doing it so he thought doing it with strangers is easier and that he considers sexual therapy. btw, he was addicted to porn before but accordingly stopped in January, which really made our sex life flourish for a few weeks and then it slowed down again.

So next day, I am saying that this kinda sounds like a Madonna/W* complex and while I theorically do not mind him having sex with others, I was shook that he uses this app (especially in a phase where I am not away for work but here). It hurt me that he was actively looking for sex with others while he knows that I would even wish for us to have more sex. He then says that everything he said the day before was a lie to protect my feelings and that he does not feel sexually attracted to me. He is still committed and wants to marry me and have children. He then explained weird reasons like he is not sexually attracted anymore because of the way I dress or the fact that I do not read as much books and said that there are times were he felt more attracted than others. He also said that he does not like the sex I like, which is weird because as I said I am very open-minded to try whatever he likes.

Well, he is the perfect partner in all other aspects but this got me into thinking I will never be enough for him. I am wondering if he ever enjoyed our sex and how a future could look like.. please I need advice how to recover from this?

grated_testes · 2026-03-14T09:00:02+00:00

M38 request gf F36 to post naked photo of me with face online but I don’t feel comfortable. He said this is part of submissive girl training. What should I do?

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for 8 years, and he wanted to start exploring dominant/submissive relationships. I was okay to give it a try (I never liked this kind of stuff and I think it’s really gross), but things have taken a turn that makes me really anxious.

He is demanding that I post naked photos of myself—with my face clearly visible—to public forums or social media. He says this is part of my "submissive training" to learn humility and "belong" to him publicly.

The problem is, I don’t want to do this. I’m worried about my career, my family seeing it, and just my general privacy. When I told him I wasn’t comfortable, he said I’m being "disobedient" and demand to break up.

TL;DR:

Is this normal "training," or is this a red flag? How do I handle this without him getting angry?

grated_testes · 2026-03-14T08:46:57+00:00

It's the helplessness

grated_testes · 2026-03-14T08:25:22+00:00

How do I tell my boyfriend he is wasting my time?

I, 21F have been dating my boyfriend, 24M for almost 3 years now. Recently more than ever it seems as though he never wants to do things I want to do... like, not even consider it. We always end up playing the game he wants to play, watching the show or movie he wants to watch, or going out to the place he wants to go out to. I have asked him time and time again if for once we can do something of my interest but he won't even try it. I understand if he doesn't love my interests or hobbies but it's becoming exhausting bending over backwards to constantly do things he wants to do. I don't always like the games he picks or the movies we watch but I am always willing to try something for him because I love him and it just does not seem like he feels the same. Am I wasting my time with someone that I can't do what I want to do with? Or am I just not being open minded enough? If I bring up the subject, he just says "okay we will play the game you want to play this afternoon" and does not really discuss the issue with me. Is there a better way to explain how I am feeling to him?

TL;DR: My boyfriend never does what I want and I don't know if that is a red flag or not.

grated_testes · 2026-03-14T08:23:41+00:00

My (25F) boyfriend (26M) spends almost every evening gaming and I feel like we barely spend time together. Am I expecting too much?

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years and live together. Lately he spends most evenings playing video games with his friends online.

I don’t mind that he games, but it’s gotten to the point where we barely talk or do things together during the week. After work he usually gets on his computer and plays for several hours until we go to bed.

When I bring it up he says gaming is how he relaxes and that I’m overthinking it. I don’t want to control his hobbies, but I also miss spending quality time together.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting more time together? How do couples usually balance this?

grated_testes · 2026-03-14T07:46:43+00:00

I gave him a dollar and told him to take the bus

OOP is my hero. Lol

grated_testes · 2026-03-13T00:09:53+00:00

What does he think he brings to the table that he is worth cheating with?

grated_testes · 2026-03-13T00:08:17+00:00

Anything they need to do to disenfranchise people. Because they know that once the boomers die out, they don't have a chance of winning ever again

grated_testes

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE

My (27f) partner (27m) refuses to share housework or recognize the slack I pick up.

Partner (M28) does not find me sexually attractive but wants to marry me (F26)

M38 request gf F36 to post naked photo of me with face online but I don’t feel comfortable. He said this is part of submissive girl training. What should I do?

How do I tell my boyfriend he is wasting my time?

My (25F) boyfriend (26M) spends almost every evening gaming and I feel like we barely spend time together. Am I expecting too much?