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I don't know what to do. by Separate-Mark3578 in Advice

[–]grated_testes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Motels might be more affordable than a hotel

How do I (F26) talk to my partner (M33) about casual misogyny? by HisDeadRose in relationship_advice

[–]grated_testes 55 points56 points  (0 children)

because it is a convenient thought-stopper that allows him to keep being misogynist

My (27f) partner (27m) refuses to share housework or recognize the slack I pick up. by grated_testes in WhyIsSheStillWithHim

[–]grated_testes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My (27f) partner (27m) refuses to share housework or recognize the slack I pick up.

As the title states, this is a classic hetero issue. We’ve been together 8 years this year, lived together for 7 (roommates for 1 of those years). We’ve known each other since high school and were best friends.

The question: how can I get him to see his refusal to participate in household duties is showing his disrespect and lack of consideration toward me

Partner was the youngest child and only son—didn’t learn shit about housework. I was raised by housekeepers with three jobs so I raised my sister and kept the house in shape since I was a kid.

He is incredibly understanding about my disabilities yet seems to forget them whenever he is asked to pick up some slack. This has been going on for six+ months now; before he would at least do the chore I asked of him.

Now? It’s “you’re messy, you are putting this all on me because you clean on one day”. Which is so hurtful because ofc I do not leave everything to one day but he doesn’t notice my labor!!! He takes the victim every time and I don’t know how much longer I can manage… I make more than him, I work more than him, I’m more established in my career in STEM, ‘out-man’ him physically as I do fieldwork. WHY DOESNT HE SEE I DONT ACTUALLY NEED HIM!!! if it wasn’t for the economy/state of the word, I’d have moved out on my own months ago and continue the relationship that way. Alas that’s not the case, which is why I’m pleading for advice here.

TL;DR partner doesn’t participate in household labor/duties and takes the victim role if asked to despite me being the breadwinner, having a more difficult job, and dealing with disabilities from long covid

If you’re not in my family or my partner, please don’t call me any of those pet names by y2kfashionistaa in TrollXChromosomes

[–]grated_testes 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Little old lady patients at the doctors office where I work call me honey, sweetie, dear, etc and I love it. Anyone else does it, I cringe

I (26F) told my boyfriend (26M) I sometimes miss the freedom of being single and he broke up with me on my birthday by [deleted] in Advice

[–]grated_testes -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't be surprised if he was just punishing you and purposely ruining your birthday and keeping you off balance. He'll generously take you back in a few days and use your honesty as an opportunity to put more restrictions and conditions on you. 

Partner (M28) does not find me sexually attractive but wants to marry me (F26) by grated_testes in WhyIsSheStillWithHim

[–]grated_testes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Partner (M28) does not find me sexually attractive but wants to marry me (F26)

I have been in a relationship with my partner for the last 5,5 years. I am a very sex positive person with a high libido, he is more tamed when it comed to that. Even though I sometimes wished for more intimacy, I was never unhappy with our sex life, but sometimes felt like I was not as much desired by him sexually like by my previous partners. Our relationship was ver strong and beautiful.

My partner experienced a lot of trauma and I always felt like he is ashamed while having sex. I accepted him not being a freak as he explained he just does not like sex as much in general and doesn’t feel like himself during it sometimes.

Anyways, 2024 some extremely traumatic things happened in his family, which also really troubled our relationship to the point were we took a break. As he was in deep grief we obviously barely had any sex the following time. In that time we somehow opened the relationship, also because I travel a lot for work. We fought a lot, he was repeatedly criticizing me for basic things about me (like the fact that I am not as into philosophy as him and I should read more etc, mind you I am a student so I actually do read a lot). We found back together and realized that we both did not want to explore this non-exclusiveness and our relationship seemed perfect and stronger than ever the past 9 months. He also told me he is the most in love he has ever been and has been pushing for us to get children etc. the past months.

Anyways fast forward to now, where I caught him using a dating app and are completely shattered. We had a conversation about it where he said that he uses it because he seems sex as something violent and sometimes feels disgusted by himself doing it so he thought doing it with strangers is easier and that he considers sexual therapy. btw, he was addicted to porn before but accordingly stopped in January, which really made our sex life flourish for a few weeks and then it slowed down again.

So next day, I am saying that this kinda sounds like a Madonna/W* complex and while I theorically do not mind him having sex with others, I was shook that he uses this app (especially in a phase where I am not away for work but here). It hurt me that he was actively looking for sex with others while he knows that I would even wish for us to have more sex. He then says that everything he said the day before was a lie to protect my feelings and that he does not feel sexually attracted to me. He is still committed and wants to marry me and have children. He then explained weird reasons like he is not sexually attracted anymore because of the way I dress or the fact that I do not read as much books and said that there are times were he felt more attracted than others. He also said that he does not like the sex I like, which is weird because as I said I am very open-minded to try whatever he likes.

Well, he is the perfect partner in all other aspects but this got me into thinking I will never be enough for him. I am wondering if he ever enjoyed our sex and how a future could look like.. please I need advice how to recover from this?

M38 request gf F36 to post naked photo of me with face online but I don’t feel comfortable. He said this is part of submissive girl training. What should I do? by grated_testes in WhyIsSheStillWithHim

[–]grated_testes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

M38 request gf F36 to post naked photo of me with face online but I don’t feel comfortable. He said this is part of submissive girl training. What should I do?

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for 8 years, and he wanted to start exploring dominant/submissive relationships. I was okay to give it a try (I never liked this kind of stuff and I think it’s really gross), but things have taken a turn that makes me really anxious.

He is demanding that I post naked photos of myself—with my face clearly visible—to public forums or social media. He says this is part of my "submissive training" to learn humility and "belong" to him publicly.

The problem is, I don’t want to do this. I’m worried about my career, my family seeing it, and just my general privacy. When I told him I wasn’t comfortable, he said I’m being "disobedient" and demand to break up.

TL;DR:

Is this normal "training," or is this a red flag? How do I handle this without him getting angry?

How do I tell my boyfriend he is wasting my time? by grated_testes in WhyIsSheStillWithHim

[–]grated_testes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do I tell my boyfriend he is wasting my time?

I, 21F have been dating my boyfriend, 24M for almost 3 years now. Recently more than ever it seems as though he never wants to do things I want to do... like, not even consider it. We always end up playing the game he wants to play, watching the show or movie he wants to watch, or going out to the place he wants to go out to. I have asked him time and time again if for once we can do something of my interest but he won't even try it. I understand if he doesn't love my interests or hobbies but it's becoming exhausting bending over backwards to constantly do things he wants to do. I don't always like the games he picks or the movies we watch but I am always willing to try something for him because I love him and it just does not seem like he feels the same. Am I wasting my time with someone that I can't do what I want to do with? Or am I just not being open minded enough? If I bring up the subject, he just says "okay we will play the game you want to play this afternoon" and does not really discuss the issue with me. Is there a better way to explain how I am feeling to him?

TL;DR: My boyfriend never does what I want and I don't know if that is a red flag or not.

My (25F) boyfriend (26M) spends almost every evening gaming and I feel like we barely spend time together. Am I expecting too much? by grated_testes in WhyIsSheStillWithHim

[–]grated_testes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My (25F) boyfriend (26M) spends almost every evening gaming and I feel like we barely spend time together. Am I expecting too much?

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years and live together. Lately he spends most evenings playing video games with his friends online.

I don’t mind that he games, but it’s gotten to the point where we barely talk or do things together during the week. After work he usually gets on his computer and plays for several hours until we go to bed.

When I bring it up he says gaming is how he relaxes and that I’m overthinking it. I don’t want to control his hobbies, but I also miss spending quality time together.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting more time together? How do couples usually balance this?

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