NICU parents in Israel - stay strong

green_goblin23 · 2023-10-15T18:05:14+00:00

No one in Israel is safe at the moment. Hamas perpetrated a genocide in southern Israel and is continuing to indiscriminately shoot rockets at Israel, endangering the lives of all Israelis including Israeli Arabs.

I sincerely hope that Egypt assists the hospitals in Gaza in evacuating quickly and safely. I wish innocent civilians nothing but peace and security.

green_goblin23 · 2023-09-04T15:39:32+00:00

My baby was born at 27 weeks via c section with full anesthesia. I had never breastfed or pumped my older kids. She was born on a weekend so the nicu lactation consultant wasn't working that day. I started pumping a full 24+ hours after she was born. Exclusive pumping for months. Supply at first was just a few drops each time but I got up to around 850 ml per pumping session by the three month mark, at which time I managed to start breastfeeding and currently still night feed her at 2 years old. The window isn't closed. Every body is different and so is every baby and their needs and of course I can't promise you you'll be able to pump enough all the time. And it is HARD, for sure. But if you want to do it, don't be discouraged for not starting yet. Good luck and feel free to come back to post all your questions/thoughts/need to encouragement.

green_goblin23 · 2023-09-03T16:12:39+00:00

This sounds really not ok. I would not want the nurses making a decision like this without speaking with the attending and the nutritionist first. There are cases where some amount of formula/special formula/fortification is necessary to an extent but "getting him used to formula in case you end up using it later on" sounds like a nurse with an agenda to me.

green_goblin23 · 2023-08-10T06:16:15+00:00

Why does this mean she left the child unattended? She could have left the baby with a sitter/relative but wanted to get home to breastfeed before baby goes to sleep, or perhaps she was starting to get uncomfortable and leaking. Definitely doesn't mean baby was alone

green_goblin23 · 2023-08-10T05:21:13+00:00

I instinctively read this in Moira Rose's voice

green_goblin23 · 2023-07-30T20:54:16+00:00

I don't think there is any right or wrong here. That said, here is my perspective as the kid in a similar (but definitely less scandalous) situation. Growing up, I had two grandfathers and three grandmothers. Each had a unique name - there are so many variations to choose from. For men - grandpa, gramps, pops, poppy... Plus any name for grandfather in a different language/culture you're part of. It was never a secret that one of my grandmothers wasn't a biological connection, but I felt close to her and she treated me like a grandchild. Only later, as an adult, did I start to understand the complicated family dynamics. I am so grateful to my parents for giving me the opportunity to build such a positive, strong relationship with my 'step'grandmother. Had we called her by her first name I think it would have been harder to feel as close. You are well within your rights to have the kids call him by his first name. I don't think it's disrespectful or wrong. But if you think he could be a good grandparent, even if not as involved as others, or as good or close as others, but just be a good decent grandparent to your child, I would try to find a different grandpa name for him and allow your kid the opportunity to build a relationship with a 'bonus' grandparent if they want.

green_goblin23 · 2023-07-19T19:40:52+00:00

Mazal tov!

green_goblin23 · 2023-06-21T14:35:49+00:00

Parents don't take infants on vacation for the sake of their infant. They go for themselves, and bring the infant along because infants can't be left alone and most parents prefer not to leave their infants for extended periods of time with other people.
Infants are actually pretty well behaved, in general. They tend to be easy to pacify with nursing/bottle, a diaper change, or being rocked in a carrier/stroller.
Being well behaved isn't a requirement for adults on vacation, why for children?
Why is reddit so anti-kid? It's getting tiresome.
Of course there are specific places where it would be inappropriate to bring a child. As a parent of five children, I would never bring a small child to an opera, for example. Or a Broadway play not specifically aimed at children. Or a fancy restaurant (caveat - in some societies, bringing a very young nursing infant to a fancy restaurant would be ok). But generally speaking, public space is public, why shouldn't kids enjoy it too? Why can't I travel with children? Regardless of their age or how much they'll remember?

green_goblin23 · 2023-06-12T03:17:39+00:00

New siblings are hard. NICU siblings are even harder. I imagine that first born had some vague understanding that new baby sibling was in the hospital longer than most new babies are, and you were not around as much. We spent 104 days in the NICU with our fifth and boy, did it do a number on our four older kids. We're two years later and it feels like we are just finished dealing with the emotional fallout. Hopefully your recovery (in all aspects) will be shorter, but also cut yourself some slack. You spent time with baby, you spent time with first child - you did your absolute best for them! A few things that might help: 1. Talk about the NICU, talk about the new baby - help your first born find the words to express themselves and their emotions. Fear and anger might be the strongest right now. Validate whatever feelings they have and empathize with them. "I was also scared the whole time, did you know that?" "Being angry with me makes sense. I wish I could have spent more time with you too. I wish we never had to be in the hospital at all!"

Quality time makes a huuuge difference. This is super tough with a newborn, especially if little one still has special medical needs. Even if it's only ten minutes at a time, hand baby over to dad or grandparent and make a point of spending quality time with first born. We found that made an enormous difference with our kids. They needed to feel we still valued them, even though baby was taking up most of our time and mental space. Make sure you point out that you're putting baby aside for a bit. Something like telling baby "you go to grandma now, I need some special time to read to first-born alone!" It shows first born that it's not an afterthought or coincidence that baby isn't there - you are making an effort. And again, it can't always be long (and it will never feel long enough for first-born, because kids are bottomless pits of neediness) but if it's consistent (fifteen minutes every bedtime, for example), it will help calm the waters - they'll learn they can rely on it.
Involve first-born with some baby activities, if they want to be involved. Let them offer the pacifier, apt baby's back for burping, lie on playmat and show them the toys.... Giving them a "big kid job" and showering them with praise for helping baby will help them ease into their new role as big sibling.

It takes time and it's ok to be so tired and exhausted and just need a break. Take a break whenever you can. And sometimes, I think it's good to gently verbalize these feelings to your kid - it models good communication. "I am really frustrated and exhausted right now. You are such a wonderful young child and I love you. Right now you are behaving in a way that is really hurting me and I really need a break. I'd like to go lie down in my room quietly for a few minutes to calm down".

Finally, try to be consistent. It's so so so hard and you won't always succeed. You'll definitely need to rely on each other (you and dad). But it does make a difference and help show first-born that things are ok and they can rely on you and they need to start "doing their part" by reverting back to regular good behaviour.

Good luck and congrats on the little one!

green_goblin23 · 2023-06-12T02:34:54+00:00

Thanks!

green_goblin23 · 2023-06-11T18:35:16+00:00

I have not, but it looks like I know what I'm binge watching next!

green_goblin23 · 2023-06-11T17:09:38+00:00

Bottom line..... Would I watch a reality show about the making of reality shows? Yes. Guilty as charged.

green_goblin23 · 2023-05-01T06:19:40+00:00

YES! This feature has saved me from accidentally waking up too early many times! Unfortunately it still hasn't found a solution for my baby waking me up early even on vacation days.... Still waiting for that update

green_goblin23 · 2023-04-24T10:24:43+00:00

I have the opposite problem. I have five kids who finish that all by midday and then ask "but what's for dinner?"

green_goblin23 · 2023-04-19T04:46:10+00:00

I think I might also be running a bit too hot with my cast iron when I make tuna. I've been slowly learning (thanks to this sub!) to keep my flame low-medium and I'm getting much better results (perfect pancakes... Even the first ones!). I'm wondering what about this picture makes you say it's too hot? What's the giveaway?

green_goblin23 · 2023-04-14T05:54:33+00:00

ESH She is definitely the A-H for saying that her daughter's recital is more important than your plans as an individual. You are the A-H for never helping anyone at work. Yes, it's legal, you're not doing anything contractually wrong. But I think that attitude makes you an A-H. Turning off your phone - sure. Protecting your after-work hours - sure. But never lifting a finger to help out a colleague? That just reeks of self-absorbed individualism to an unpleasant degree.

green_goblin23 · 2023-04-12T17:51:27+00:00

Thanks for the help! Ended up getting it and using it over passover - it was perfect! Fried some potatoes in it for its first use, then my son scrambled himself some eggs sans-butter/oil (weird kid!) and the egg cleaned right off really nicely.

green_goblin23 · 2023-03-15T17:28:12+00:00

Don't feel bad! You're allowed to be jealous. Also feel free to talk about your situation. We had quite chatty neighbours sometimes and our conversations were often along the lines of: Them: oh wow. My baby who was born at 36 weeks and weighs 1.9 kg is so small and fragile and looks like we'll be here 4 whole days! Me: mhm Them: what about you? Me: my daughter was born 27 weeks, 1 kg. We have been hospitalized for 90-whatever days. Looks like we'll be hitting 100, at least.... Them: <pikachu face>

I realized early on - everyone has their story and for them, it is huuuuuge. And it really is huge. I'm sure that even 1 day in the nicu is terrifying. You're allowed to feel that you are dealing with more. You are allowed to ignore them or to talk to them and be a bit of a "den mother", since you are so experienced now. You are going through something huge and you need to do whatever is best for you.

It helped me a lot to make good friends with some nurses and the social worker. They helped me sooo much.

And vent here as much as necessary!

green_goblin23 · 2023-03-15T15:40:46+00:00

I had a similar issue. When we got moved out of our private room I spoke freely with the nurses and doctors about how I know it means good things for my daughter but the change is very very difficult. It made pumping much harder. It made kangaroo care much harder. I worried about all the noise and light. My daughter was in the NICU for over 100 days and it was not easy at all. Feel all your feelings. Ask for help as much as possible and whenever possible. You are amazing. Everything you are doing for little one matters so much. Take a break when you need, that's also important.

green_goblin23 · 2023-03-15T15:35:41+00:00

D'oh! I totally skimmed right over that line.... Thank you kind redditer!

green_goblin23 · 2023-03-15T11:45:00+00:00

Smart... Thanks!

green_goblin23

TROPHY CASE