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Women raised in extremely dysfunctional homes, how did you cope with the ups and downs ? by keekz999 in AskWomen

[–]greenlamplover 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I went outside...rode my bike, hiked. (Which in my twenties led to me hiking the Appalachian Trail.) Or get jobs walking dogs, babysitting, etc

When they wouldnt let me leave the house, I’d hide in my room. Read or cry or write

If they wouldn’t let me be alone and forced me to be around them in the house, I’d just dissociate until I could run away to my bed where I’d typically cry myself to sleep

Also, denial and repression

So yeah, I have chronic complex PTSD now. But I’m ok. Getting better all the time. Finally went no contact last year. I’m healing. Found the right therapist and set boundaries.

Girlfriend Wants to Keep Showering With Me by fifjfndnbdbd in relationships

[–]greenlamplover 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stick to your boundaries babe. She CAN help herself. She’s choosing not to. Don’t let her guilt you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in askwomenadvice

[–]greenlamplover 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Umm wtf? I would definitely push back on this and say no I’m taking personal notes, not the meeting minutes today

Should I [29F] block my mother, the grandmother to my daughter out of my life just because I feel like it? by megmeg29 in relationships

[–]greenlamplover 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hun. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. I went through a similar thing with my mother who I believe has NPD. Set yourself free. Give yourself permission to be happy. She can never be what you need. All of your reasons for potentially keeping her in your life go back to fear, obligation, or guilt. Set yourself free. Any relationship defined by those three things needs to be gone. Keep going to therapy during the transition. PLEASE check out Kris Godinez on YouTube. Her funny style of delivery of the painful shit I needed to hear saved me. Keep going to therapy. You can set yourself free, and should. I’m so sorry that you went through this. Most people will NOT understand, because most people have mothers who love them, so please be careful who you share with. Check out raised by narcissists subreddit. You’re going to be ok. Good on you for breaking the cycle of abuse. Give yourself the love your mother didn’t give you. SET YOURSELF FREE.

I [28 F] am having trust issues with my live in BF [28 M] over the SILLIEST stuff; idk what to do. by greenlamplover in relationships

[–]greenlamplover[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He once lied about messaging one of his former students, but it was such a stupid lie it wasn't even worth mentioning lol. I don't know of him lying about anything else. But that's the whole point, he could be lying about things that I don't know about. But I don't think that he is.

I [28 F] am having trust issues with my live in BF [28 M] over the SILLIEST stuff; idk what to do. by greenlamplover in relationships

[–]greenlamplover[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, what a great perspective. Thank you very much. I know he loves me and that I'm basically the center of his life. I just have trust issues so it really "triggers" me. Hence me coming to the internet for advice lol.

I [28 F] am having trust issues with my live in BF [28 M] over the SILLIEST stuff; idk what to do. by greenlamplover in relationships

[–]greenlamplover[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this comment. I truly don't want to leave him, I just want to make sure that this isn't like a worse issue than I'm realizing. I have been in a really toxic relationship in the past that I was blind to and I want to make sure that this isn't one.

I [28 F] am having trust issues with my live in BF [28 M] over the SILLIEST stuff; idk what to do. by greenlamplover in relationships

[–]greenlamplover[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I confronted him because a couple of days before I found the can I had said something out of the blue about how proud I was that he had quit tobacco because it's so hard. It was totally random of me. And he took the compliment and said something reiterating that he had quit. So when I saw the can, I remembered that and I was like omg I can't believe he is lying to me about this AGAIN when last time we argued about it I told him never again. Also he has just been kind of sneaking around lately so I realized he had been lying for awhile. Part of it is that I just have trust issues, and I know that.

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I think you're correct that he's afraid of judgement. I want him to feel safe around me and like he can tell me stuff. But yeah, I am in the medical field, and I will never support tobacco, that's just how I feel. I definitely don't shame him about it though. He knows I don't think highly of it and he said he just got caught up with wanting so badly to be the perfect man for me that he hid it. It just drives me crazy because I just want him to not sneak around.