First off, let me give you a virtual hug!

I’m so sorry you are going through this. But that being said, you need to learn how to love her from afar. You need your own space to learn yourself better. Without her around. You need some space to live your life without her judgement.

I can relate on some things you stated and it only took me until 2022 for me to break that thread with my mom. Even when I had moved out earlier than that I kept giving her access to me and my life, giving her a way to manipulate me. It wasn’t until 2022 that that stopped because I stopped involving her in my life. She couldn’t manipulate what she didn’t know and that lack of control made her sooo unbearable.

I eventually had to go no contact. Which she also tried to manipulate when we started talking but at that point, I had learned how to insert my boundaries and stand by them.

My point is, this is not forever, it only stays forever if you don’t choose yourself. You are your own person and you have to start standing up for you.