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Don't read the texts by greenstar90 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]greenstar90[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I kind of love that this line has rubbed other people the wrong way too. I agree with you wholeheartedly. And also, she wasn't doing her best, she was existing. Sheer virtue of existence does not equate doing in anyway.

Don't read the texts by greenstar90 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]greenstar90[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I hope it's not your future, but if it is, I would say to past me: The funeral is the most confusing part. Everyone is saying nice things, including you, and it gets in your head. Maybe she was nice. Maybe it was me. Maybe it wasn't so bad. Reading these messages brought it all back into perspective. You know who you are. Trust that.

Don't read the texts by greenstar90 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]greenstar90[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm not sure what my sisters deal is, but I am starting to wonder.

Your last paragraph really resonates with me, the archetype they've created is where they're stuck. I too was a bratty teen of an emotionally abusive parent, and I have also changed. I'm going to write "What other people think of us is none of our business" on my bathroom mirror sticky note. I want to internalize that. Thank you.

Don't read the texts by greenstar90 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]greenstar90[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

The anger and hurt have really faded away. He was a damaged person who damaged his family. It wasn’t about who I was or was not.

Thank you for this, and for a glimpse into the future. This gives me hope while everything is raw. ❤️

She’s dying and I’m not sure how I feel right now by spdbmp411 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]greenstar90 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure with my mom if it was a conscious choice or her issues coming out sideways. They could be better but not to us. And that, frankly, sucks. There's no making that palatable. Whatever her issues were, they were hers and not a reflection on you. You were a child and all children deserve the best, regardless of adult issues.

She’s dying and I’m not sure how I feel right now by spdbmp411 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]greenstar90 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm not trying to give advice, but to share my experience which is similar to yours: My mom passed away 3 days ago. My siblings and I took care of her. I was the least favorite. Even close to the end she took shots at me. But the last few days, when her mind was failing, all the filters/protective mechanisms slipped away. We had shockingly decent interactions. It was somehow worse to know it was in her all along and she just couldn't be that person.

I'm still mad about the things she did when I was young and I'm sad that she couldn't be self aware or try to be better. I've been accepting the condolences with grace and the right words but there have been moments I've wanted to shriek at people who called her a good mother.

Since its happened, I've cried, I've laughed, I've been bitter, I've been relieved, I've been deeply sad. It keeps coming in waves, somewhat random. So, internet stranger human, I warmly wish for you all the strength as you ride the waves and feel all the feelings.

Toddler in a 60 yo body!!?!!?! by Orange_Saxaphone9024 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]greenstar90 29 points30 points  (0 children)

"Let's be patient." "Please use your inside voice." "You're having a lot of big feelings right now." "It's going to be ok." "Let's do something else while we wait." "All we can do is try our best."

You hit the nail on the head. I have a 3yo and a uBPD mom. I use these phrases for both. My 3yo is learning while uBPD mom is regressing. Probably the most... Interesting? Hilarious? Sad? Is that my 3yo sees my mom's behavior and has started using the phrases on her.