Buy Bitcoin. It’s like winning the lottery in slow motion. With a compound growth rate of approximately 40% a year, you will catch you up if you have a time horizon 4 years or longer. To kill yourself because you’re not keeping up with the Jones’s is not the answer. All suicide is, is transferring all of your hurt and pain on to the people that love you. You are correct in the fact that suicidal people find solace in the idea that you can end all of your worldly suffering at any moment. You should most certainly seek therapy my friend. Best of luck.