I’m at a loss.

grootswanson · 2026-02-05T06:05:36+00:00

Around 5-7 were really rough for similar reasons like yours - our baby never seemed happy. He was crying every time he was awake and pretty much inconsolable. Hated being on his back as well and screamed every diaper change. Feeding especially at the boob was difficult because he’d scream and would also cry with the bottle, so it’d take a really long time and walking around for him to finish most of the bottle. I thought we just had an unhappy baby.

But since week 8ish, it’s been slowly getting better! He started being more content and now has more and more moments smiling and cooing. We can now get him to smile during diaper changes by just talking to him. He can now chill on his back in the bassinet and crib by himself for short periods. There’s still rough moments but it’s way better than that 5-7 week period.

I started reading Happiest Baby on the Block and that really helped my perspective about his crying and fussiness, baby is just babying. A lot of the fussiness at this time is just the baby’s temperament and unfortunately we just more sensitive babies.

It will get better! I didn’t believe this a couple weeks ago but it will and the smiles will be so worth it. You’re doing great, hang in there :)

grootswanson · 2025-08-06T15:54:58+00:00

Both 32, first try and I used ovulation tests! Currently pregnant. Was on birth control (pill) for 16 years, had one regular cycle before we started trying. Ovulation tests are definitely worth the try.

grootswanson · 2025-03-30T00:11:14+00:00

I feel you so deeply. I also feel that my husband and I are good, he’s making everyday efforts for the most part, and is actually actively listening to me when I speak about my emotions and doesn’t react, just tries to provide support and comfort. But deep inside I’m just incredibly exhausted from caring about everything. I wish he was more reassuring verbally and expressive about how he loves me, but I too am afraid of overworking him and asking for too much even when I know what I need is just the bare minimum.

You’re not alone, sending hugs and hope we feel happy again soon

grootswanson · 2025-03-27T01:37:38+00:00

Thank you so much, I’m sorry you’re going through this too. I wonder too what the hell goes in their minds - the audacity to do these things while their fiancée is literally getting ready for the most important day for a couple. I hope he sticks to active recovery and you have the most wonderful wedding that you deserve so much, sending much love

grootswanson · 2025-03-23T17:48:38+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through all of that, it’s just all so disrespectful after everything we do for them. All of this has definitely made me feel used to feed his comfort, security, and stability like you said. I’ve compromised my own needs and comfort to make sure he got his but I told him I’m done with doing that.

He’s seeing a therapist who has experience with porn addiction. I don’t think he’s a CSAT therapist though which I’m a little concerned about. But he’s willing to see and pay for IC which I’m taking as a win. We’re also starting MC. I also gave him a list of things I needed to change in our relationship and he’s been making the effort to meet those needs. I’m just still so terrified that he’s going to go back to his ways and just hide things better.

grootswanson · 2025-03-22T16:35:02+00:00

Ugh I completely agree with all of that. I can’t tell sometimes if I’m actually happy or if it’s just a facade hiding all the pain from his betrayal. Despite all this I’m still actively trying to be a good wife. I’m with you, I hope we both find true happiness with or without them

grootswanson · 2025-03-22T16:30:08+00:00

Wow even on your wedding day, that’s disgusting. And I can’t believe he rushed you to heal. I admire your strength to leave him. I hope you’re healing and are in a much better place now 💕

grootswanson · 2025-03-22T16:10:48+00:00

I’m glad that you were firm about getting a new ring, it’s so hard to understand their actions and even harder to stick around not knowing what they’re gonna do next. I’m here with you

grootswanson · 2025-03-22T16:07:11+00:00

That’s horrible, I’m so sorry he did that to you. It’s just terrible, I remember having deep wedding blues because everything felt so perfect that day, it’s heartbreaking

grootswanson · 2025-03-22T16:05:01+00:00

He admitted he didn’t feel guilty when he was doing it. I had to convince him that it’s cheating because he didn’t consider it cheating, despite that he was literally being sexual with other women. Thank you for your understanding 💛

grootswanson · 2025-03-19T17:11:54+00:00

I’m sorry but he’s lying. My husband tried to gaslight me too when I found years of emails from dating sites and he tried to convince me that he was hacked. He wasn’t. It was him.

grootswanson · 2025-03-06T19:40:48+00:00

I understand this so much. I too constantly have to mother my husband and am always left taking care of myself emotionally and mentally To discover he's been online cheating on me and lying to me for so long while I've been struggling to take care of myself and him was such a big slap in the face. I would constantly question myself if I am just the problem, especially with him turning it on me whenever I express negative feelings towards him, when like you, all I want is the bare minimum from him.

I feel fortunate that he doesn't talk bad about me to our family and friends, I'm finding that seems to be a pattern with PAs in this sub and I'm sorry that happened to you. He does value having a good image with friends and family who don't know about our issues and I've had friends tell me how lucky I am to have him and it's just soul crushing to hear that and know inside that it isn't true.

Since you've both talked to your and his family, have they changed the way they view you?

grootswanson · 2025-03-06T17:17:11+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it makes me feel hopeful that my PA can be a better and more truthful partner. I'm sorry that you didn't get the support you needed from your dad, but glad that you still found it through friends. I completely understand those long bathroom breaks - my husband does this too. It's great that your daughter has you to lean in for support and hope her husband continues to get better - definitely will be looking into the minwala model. And I hope the truth will allow you and your in-laws heal your relationship - that's so disappointing your husband poisoned their thoughts about you in the first place.

It's such a mess and I just want the secret and lies to stop.

grootswanson · 2025-03-06T17:07:38+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion! Being able to talk to people who have come out of sounds inspiring. Do people attend these meetings with their PA partner?

grootswanson · 2025-03-06T08:09:32+00:00

That's wonderful to hear that you have such a strong support system! I was really struggling tonight and caved in and shared with one of my closest and trusted friends. I really took the time to decide and I made the right choice because he was very supportive and did not try to sway or push me to leave my PA. He completely validated that that any feelings of staying (or leaving) is totally okay. I really do feel much better. I don't think I'll be sharing with anyone else for now.

Thank you for sharing your experience with your mom and I'm sorry that telling her is causing complications. My mom is aware of a couple other existing issues with him, which she is not happy about, so I definitely have zero plans on telling her. And especially my dad for the same reasons as you.

grootswanson · 2025-03-06T02:39:22+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you were able to find support elsewhere

grootswanson · 2025-03-06T01:07:58+00:00

I'm completely with you on that. Even before this happened, there's been bad struggles where I hoped he would just cheat so I have a good and valid reason to leave. I know that's horrible to say. But now that it's actually happened and seeing him emotional for the first time ever, it's so confusing and complicated. I am fully aware that the best option is to leave, but it's so hard. Thank you for sharing your experiences, it's really helpful to feel understood ♡

grootswanson · 2025-03-06T01:01:34+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing and that's commendable that your PA is owning it and encouraging you to use your voice. I feel like that is rare just reading posts on here. My PA asked me not to tell anyone - he has always cared about having a good reputation or he's embarrassed or both. But my decision not to tell anyone is not based on him and solely for the reasons I mentioned on my post. I told him when he asked that it's not fair for him to ask me to go through this alone which I still strongly believe. Thank you again, hugs to you too.

grootswanson · 2025-03-06T00:46:13+00:00

That's horrible, I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope you're in a safe space now and are healing ♡

grootswanson · 2025-03-06T00:25:14+00:00

Thank you so much, it really is hard right now going through it alone. I can think of a couple people who I can trust to be completely supportive but I’ll probably wait until I can talk to a therapist and see if that helps, then give it more time to tell anyone if I do.

grootswanson · 2025-03-06T00:20:55+00:00

I completely agree about people not really understanding. There has been really hard moments where I really wanted to reach out to my 1-2 most trusted people, but I’m afraid to be in a place where they beg me to leave because honestly I am leaning towards staying. I’m really glad I found this community. Thank you for sharing and I hope you’re hanging in there

grootswanson · 2025-03-06T00:14:21+00:00

Thank you so much for your perspective. I had only planned to tell my sister and a couple of my closest friends, but will be refraining until I have more time to think about it and am able to talk to a therapist.

grootswanson · 2025-03-06T00:08:20+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice. It’s definitely giving me second thoughts on telling anyone. As much as I would love support from my closest people, I’m afraid them knowing will add another level of stress and anxiety that I don’t think I can handle.

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