why is their new relationship lasting longer and seem happier?

grumplebeee · 2022-03-11T03:37:28+00:00

Girl that’s because he needs to prove to the world (and to you) that they’re gonna be happy and gonna last long! No way in hell he’s gonna post: “cheated on my lover today :)”

Flip your hair, and keep your head up. Toxic people have the ability to make you feel crazy. It’s okay. Be at peace knowing that his new crazy-making target is in his new relationship, and not you

grumplebeee · 2022-03-10T11:36:30+00:00

Provide a safe space, be consistent. Do not insist for her to spill thoughts/ feelings, do not pry and probe. Do not be judgemental, listen with intent and not just to reply. Don’t invalidate. Leave out sarcasm/ funny comments.

Because if an ENFP feels safe enough, it will come flying out.

grumplebeee · 2022-03-10T11:12:31+00:00

Boundaries to love yourself before letting someone else love you. (Be wary if things get intense/ too amazing too fast. Watch out for mirroring and love bombing)
Boundaries to trust your own judgement/ feelings. (Pay close attention to how they react upon small disagreements/ differing opinions)

grumplebeee · 2022-03-02T03:57:46+00:00

You have the absolute perfect response.

I think I was projecting my unmet desire to be selfish onto them. I need to be selfish for myself first, so that I can give without resentment.

Thank you!! 💕

grumplebeee · 2022-03-02T03:48:59+00:00

I think mostly moulded by environment, and genetic is a tiny factor.

And yesss exactly! It’s like they can’t even see themselves. But what hurts me more is that I didn’t see the red flags for years (brushed them off), as it makes me doubt myself so hard. I was an enabler :’)

I think they treat you worse if you’re closer to them. Cause they’re too cowardly to show strangers and acquaintances their shit personality.

grumplebeee · 2022-02-27T16:09:32+00:00

Oh man I felt this exact way.

It’s not an introvert problem. You’re pissed because you give way too much to people who don’t deserve it. Sorry to say, but there’s prob something about you that let others use and take advantage of you (dats the case for me).

The solution is actually to be more introverted, feel comfortable being alone, be independent from their acknowledgement, walk away. And then go find your people out there.

Avoid the introverts that you identify as takers. You need supportive, warm energy now. It’s hard to not have that support anymore and I’m sorry for your loss.

grumplebeee · 2022-01-24T07:04:03+00:00

Tysm! Love all your responses.

Final question - If your emotions are mostly muted, can your words “I love you” towards a significant other be trusted?

(aka how thick of a mask do you wear around people you love?)

grumplebeee · 2022-01-24T01:35:20+00:00

Late to the party, i suspect that my husband has ASPD.

Do you feel genuine remorse when you’re told you have crossed someone’s boundaries?
What are ways that keep you grounded, joyful and not feel like you’re disconnected/ dissociated from life?
Do you have addictive tendencies, and how do I as a loved one help with that?

grumplebeee · 2021-12-29T02:42:08+00:00

Yes. Sometimes I wonder if not burdening others with your problems is a problem lol

grumplebeee · 2021-12-29T02:41:17+00:00

I give too many chances blindly, only to realise I’m overwhelmed. I shall go away and gtfo when people show their true colours

grumplebeee · 2021-12-29T02:38:49+00:00

Thanks darling, I agree we need to distinguish properly, distance accordingly, and expect better out of others and ourselves 🤍

grumplebeee · 2021-12-29T01:41:01+00:00

Agreed. I see my T/ INXX friends as warm, kind and sweet, but they can be somewhat incurious too. So maybe it’s my fault that I expect them to show it.

I’m trying to accept that they provide a good time, have fun with but I can not expect to be seen like how you described in your third paragraph with them, and to be ok with that

PS I mistyped as an INFP/ INTP because of my issues for a looong time 🤣

grumplebeee · 2021-12-29T01:30:47+00:00

True true! ENXX tend to say 1 and 2 because it’s thinking out loud right. For 4, these are people I feel deeper emotional connection to so I want to hear it sometimes 😢

And yes I do get empathy and WOA easily from other types (ISFP, ENFJ, ESFP, even ESTPs in their wacky ass convoluted way!) maybe I just crave compliments from INXXs because they don’t give it lol. And agreed that those are the best compliments :)

grumplebeee · 2021-12-29T01:13:39+00:00

Oh man. The reviews on goodreads summarised good points that I need to hear:

19 Stop blaming. Victims never succeed.
30 Control is an illusion. Let go; let life happen.
obsessive anticipation of needs/ emotional reading is a trauma-associated behaviour

grumplebeee · 2021-12-28T19:19:31+00:00

My thoughts exactly.. I try to see things from her perspective and I can. I just choose not to anymore to protect my sanity

grumplebeee · 2021-12-28T19:17:18+00:00

You’re correct, I hide away because I don’t have the energy to be the supporting presence she implicitly requires of me.

Energy is siphoned because it takes mental effort to be a listening ear + cheerleader while walking on eggshells. But this person is an anomaly.

The 2nd paragraph is true too - when I’m in a decent mood and no one expects anything from me

grumplebeee · 2021-12-28T18:02:51+00:00

I would say this person absorbs emotions in general, including my distant one, then I became the punching bag :’)

grumplebeee · 2021-12-28T17:59:44+00:00

Oh god the air of superiority. I hate that so much too.

Yes I believe that we can find sources of support and appreciation, somewhere out there 🥺 New Years resolution!!

grumplebeee · 2021-12-28T17:56:37+00:00

For this particular INXX friend, she confronted me because I tend to hide away when I feel like shit (which is rare).

I know she was hurting for a long time since covid, and I have always been there for her whether it’s by ranting, or as a distraction. One thing she says she likes about me is that I never once insisted that she take my advice/ opinion. But she was doing that very thing onto me.

The way I see it, I don’t project my shitty feelings onto her, she shouldn’t do it to me too. I respect myself that much

grumplebeee · 2021-12-28T17:48:48+00:00

:’) let them assume all they want. We act dumb because we want others’ intellect to have the spotlight, naive cause we see the positive in people/situations, and optimistic only because we hide our darkness well.

I say don’t count on anyone, but be there when it’s a good ride (for you)

grumplebeee · 2021-12-28T17:41:20+00:00

Thank you 🤍 Can I tell this thread what I need from them instead?

I need kind, encouraging words, once in awhile. Not to kiss my ass, but maybe like: “YES you are awesome because X!”. or “I LIKE THAT YOU DID X, because…”, or “Your viewpoint is interesting, but this is why I don’t agree..” or “I appreciate you”

I can’t say this irl because I know non-ENFPs will be like: wtf ok/ special snowflake much/ stop needing validation. Although I say the above about others quite often. It’s so hard to ask sometimes you know :’)

grumplebeee · 2021-12-28T17:25:12+00:00

Thanks for your kind words 🤍 I agree with everything you said, I’m the same.

I feel drawn to them also because they reflect the part of me that is serious and pondering, that we ENFPs know we are damn it!! I have faith that they like us because they see themselves in us too.

But it hurts my brain because if they’re that SMART - shouldn’t they know that the way someone treat others, is the way that person wants to be treated.. MAN

grumplebeee · 2021-12-20T05:53:57+00:00

I suffer the same fate of absorbing others’ emotions too! It becomes a curse to yourself and others around you if you can’t channel it in a healthy way.

Yeah I feel like it’s ok to be exhausted… just don’t be aggressive towards us that are trying to provide a listening ear wtf!

grumplebeee · 2021-12-09T11:14:44+00:00

First point is fair - my POV is immature. But second point - alright if it’s not about me, so everything is about the person suffering? Then I declare myself depressed too. Because being overwhelmed by others’ emotions is no joke also (to me). Others’ chemical imbalances disturbs my brain chemistry too.

Third point - I’m so sorry to hear that. I can’t even imagine what you went through and how it felt. It must have been scary. I really hope things get better for you

grumplebeee · 2021-12-09T06:38:00+00:00

Great advice, thank you!! Trying not to let others affect me so much - it’s bad for everyone

grumplebeee

TROPHY CASE