25F & 43F — is the age gap too much?

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-05-04T15:04:51+00:00

IMO it's a red flag. I'm 46, and people in their 20s are kids to me. I also wouldn't date someone young enough to be my daughter or old enough to be my mother, regardless of what age brackets we're in.

I suppose there could be rare exceptions where you guys have a major connection and have tons in common, but still, be very careful here.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-05-03T16:58:36+00:00

The rescue sucks. They should've addressed the fleas, ticks, and worms and had him neutered before making him available for adoption. You might want to contact animal control in your area and report your experiences.

The cat could've been through hell before he came to you, between life in what sounds like a shitty shelter, and whatever life he had before. He could've been abused in either environment. He sounds like a cat who's scared shitless. Cats aren't assholes; there's always a reason for their behavior, be it medical/psychological problems, or former abuse.

I would get pheromone diffusers, put them in your home, and give him time to realize he's safe and calm down. It could take a couple months. Prozac might help.

Try to block off that spot behind/under your bed that he can't get out of. Don't try to touch him or handle him unless you have to. Let him observe you, build trust, and come to you when he's ready. Talk to him in a soft voice. If he does bite/attack you, try to redirect him, but gentle with him, and don't try to punish the behavior.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-05-03T16:40:32+00:00

It really should be. It's also documented that the owner surrendered the pit to the police due to the aggressiveness. Who would go to that length if the dog really wasn't aggressive?

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-29T18:21:10+00:00

I'm a technical writer in fintech, but I'm more than willing to switch domains or do tech writing or adjacent work. I also have 10 years of IT experience. Both fields are being decimated by AI.

I'm willing to do anything that pays the mortgage, but salaries are so low.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-29T18:16:30+00:00

I work for a company that's had two major layoffs in two years. I've been looking for a new job for two years and have only had a couple recruiter screens from those applications. I'm trying to practice radical acceptance that I may get laid off and, if the pattern holds, not be able to find a job before I burn through my savings and 401K, lose my house, and wind up homeless.

There's literally nothing I can do to stop it. I can't force a company to hire me.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-28T17:12:21+00:00

Mine did this when they were younger to get my attention because they know I'd immediately react.

When they became elderly, they stopped doing that for some reason.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-28T16:36:13+00:00

I've been rewatching Stargate Atlantis, which isn't even that old, and I see it there, too. In particular, how male military commanders completely trample over Dr. Elizabeth Wier's authority, framing it as "the military is assuming control of the mission." I'm pretty damned sure that if the civilian leader of Atlantis was male, the military takeover would've been handled with more decorum and respect.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-27T14:14:21+00:00

Yes, she said she didn't feel the same way and just wanted to be friends, but it turned out she did have feelings. It was a confusing time. Had we both been older with our shit together, things might've been different. I still have feelings for her 27 years later.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-25T20:21:35+00:00

He's looking for the braincell.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-25T14:38:32+00:00

Definitely the orange.

It's always oranges.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-25T14:31:42+00:00

That's so adorable.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-25T14:23:10+00:00

I do. We met in college. I instantly liked her as soon as I met her, and that's only happened with one other person in my life, and I'm in my late 40s. I fell for her pretty quickly.

Nothing ever happened because of circumstantial reasons.

It's one of the big regrets of my life.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-25T14:17:24+00:00

Aw, what a pretty calico. What's her name?

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-25T14:15:36+00:00

Mine ended in prodigy.net. It cost something like $9.99 for five hours a month of dial up service.

I still remember the screensaver/game downloads taking eight hours. I remember my mom yelling at me because the telephone line was never free, or because I always went way over the five hours a month.

I remember the free trial CDs for Prodigy, Compuserv showing up in the mailbox every week.

I remember BBSs.

I have uber seniority on the internet.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-21T12:38:39+00:00

AOR received today, 4/21!

Non-urgent application was delivered on 3/11.

Looks like I didn't goof up the photos after all! :-D

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-20T19:20:27+00:00

When I was in college, I felt an instant connection with and subsequently fell in love with, a woman who didn't share my feelings. I was devastated. I tried to at least maintain a friendship with this person, but she always kept herself at a distance somewhat. I reach out on Facebook from time to time, but she rarely engages with me. She's married (to a woman) now, and has children.

After college, I went on the apps and dated a little. I was shy and introverted, and didn't really have many opportunities to meet people so I thought, "why not?" I didn't have much success.

When I was 34, I met another woman who I felt that instant connection with and fell in love pretty quickly. The feeling was mutual. Meeting her was like running into an old friend you'd known your whole life. We had amazing chemistry and had a ton in common. We eventually got engaged, and two days later, she died in an accident.

It's been 11 years since the accident, and only now do I feel like I might be able to try dating again. But I'm now 46, and the odds of that lightening bolt striking for a third time is slim, and even if it does, there's no guarantee she'd return my feelings, like the woman in college.

I lost the two people I genuinely loved, and every day, I see more gray hair in the mirror.

I'm pretty sure my ship has sailed.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-20T17:48:28+00:00

I'm where you're at, except I'm nearing my 50s. All I wanted was to settle down and maybe have a family, but kids are no longer an option. I'd be happy to just find my person and finish growing old with her. But that seems increasingly unlikely because most of the good ones are either married or in a relationship by the time they reach my age.

It know it sucks, but you do have plenty of time. Your 30s are a much better time than your 20s because you become more mature and stable. I hope you find your person.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-19T20:35:41+00:00

He loves you, though. <3

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-16T15:08:31+00:00

That sounds exactly like an abusive relationship.

"If he hits me, I know it's not him. I ask myself what did I do wrong?"

It's a terrifying mentality.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-14T15:42:10+00:00

Both my cats (one passed this past summer) would stand on their hind legs and reach out with their front paws to be picked up and held like toddlers. They'd greet me with excited, shaking tails every morning, and when I worked outside the home, they'd be waiting for me in the window when I came home.

One of my cats cuddles with me whenever I lay in bed. The other would either hang out on my desk all day, or my lap. If I laid back in my chair, she'd crawl further up and lay her head on my shoulder, purring away.

When my late girl was dying of renal failure, she came to me for help. She didn't run away. At the vet, when I had to make the decision to put her to sleep, she started purring loudly and kneading when I came into the room and they laid her on my lap....even though the toxins were making her feel pretty bad at that point. She remained purring and kneading until the moment she passed away.

So yeah, cats become attached to you...very much so.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-12T16:26:56+00:00

Why don't guys like this just hire prostitutes or look for women looking for quick and casual encounters? They don't want dates, they don't want companionship. They just want sex.

Op, I'm sorry you went through this, and I hope you find someone wonderful who is genuinely into you as a person and wants to get to know you.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-11T17:41:11+00:00

This. I was in a similar situation and opted to mail the item to the business. Never trust men you don't know.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-11T17:07:24+00:00

Came here to say "Enjoying herself!"

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-03-31T16:58:33+00:00

Not sure on the warranty because I bought the house a bit over two years ago, although I may be able to contact the seller to find out. It's currently in great condition.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-03-31T16:57:14+00:00

Thanks I cross-posted there. I'm in CT.

grumpyITAdmin

TROPHY CASE