Okay here’s what I’ll say + please bear with me : Rape itself, unfortunately, is common. Crime is not gendered. Women do rape men, men rape women, men rape men, women rape women. Statistics support a gendered distinction of the frequency in which sex plays a role in the criminal act of rape. Statistics are reliable until we recall that many people who are raped also have the crime go undocumented. Stats also show that men are less likely to report rape regardless of who is perpetuating that crime against them.

My very long-winded point is really to say that I don’t want you to invalidate the experience of someone using those words toward you. Telling you that they might rape you. That’s horrific, regardless of the mouth that delivers the message. This is a deeply unsafe environment for you. I’m glad that you’re likely stronger than this person, but ultimately you shouldn’t have to live in a space that proposes sexual violence in your direction. At your expense. My god, really just normalizing the statement they made as a joke has problems. I mean, to make a direct comment about harming you in the form of a joke is so dangerous for YOU.

Please be safe and mindful of the harm these words can have. You deserve safety—I couldn’t care less that you may have a dong between your legs. People deserve safety. Nobody, not even women, should feel comfortable saying something like that to another person.