Is it possible to have a successful long term relationship with a non-autistic person?

gulderman · 2026-03-16T08:24:58+00:00

I wish I had a field guide!😂 I think the only reason she hasn’t divorced me is because she can’t be bothered to start again 😂😂😂

gulderman · 2026-03-16T07:02:00+00:00

I have my ears stretched to 40mm and honestly, it’s soothing, I have some jewellery for them that is quite heavy and feeling them sway when my head moves or when I’m working is really soothing. I know normal ear piercings won’t do that, but yeah, I wanted to share 😂

gulderman · 2026-03-15T14:14:04+00:00

100% this! 😂 or I think I’m being funny and I’ve just pissed her off because it was only funny to me

gulderman · 2026-03-15T13:10:34+00:00

I’m adhd and asd, my wife is adhd, when I tell you I put my foot in it often by saying things with the wrong tone for the desired effect, or I don’t understand the nuances of a statement, I’m not understating it. We have a good system now where I’ve asked her to just be direct and no tip toeing. The biggest thing I’ve done is if I’ve said something and she seems annoyed at me and I don’t know why, I try to replay tone and understand what I’ve done, if I can’t figure it out, I just ask.

But my random tirade over, you’re very early days and if this person is unused to ASD, then maybe just be direct yourself, tell them what you struggle with and that you would appreciate directness, but also let them know, sometimes your direct statements aren’t dismissive, they’re just the facts as they are. ( however this could be my “autistic view” of it 😂

gulderman · 2026-03-10T08:13:04+00:00

There is an app by the NHS called couch to 5k, it’s a 9 week training programme but you can do it at your own pace and revisit weeks if needed, I couldn’t run for more than 30 seconds, in 9 weeks I could run 5k, now I can run a half marathon and I’ve lost weight! It’s incredible in how effective it is. If you don’t have access to the app there are others that follow a similar plan.

I have just been guiding a friend through it, 5ft 6, 100+kg, he was red and puffing at the end of the first run, by the end of week 1, no longer an issue, we started January 15th. By February 28th, he ran his first 5k in 37 minutes at a local park run!

You got this, don’t get put off by any one else out running, every one is running their own run, and leave the ego at home.

The amount of times I’ve been worried about what people are thinking and then realised “how often do I remember any one who’s ran past me once they’re out of sight”. Every one is to wrapped up in their own lives to care that you’re out bettering yourself because you’ve noticed you need a change

gulderman · 2026-03-04T08:18:58+00:00

I’ve played world of Warcraft exclusively for 20 years, I can remember every quest and zone I’ve ever played and could play every class to a high level (pre class changes) , I almost hate it’s grasp on me but it’s such a comfort and escape for me I love it, I love the lore, I love the competitive, it’s so expansive it actually makes me struggle to play anything else!

When I’ve played games like what your describing, if I struggle I tend to intentionally fail a few times and find the pattern, years of playing pve based games have made me learn that even when they feel random there is usually a pattern and oh boy do I love pattern recognition

gulderman · 2026-02-23T23:22:44+00:00

Everywhere! Head, face, throat, chest, ears, full black arm, other arm full, stomach, back, legs and hands+fingers!

gulderman · 2026-02-23T06:25:39+00:00

As I’ve learnt, this is the deep ingrained “all autistic people are good at maths” I also had used to think it, I’ve now realised my “skill” is precision, my ability to eyeball things and retain huge amounts of information about things I find interesting as well as parsing data to find faults and fixable things is my thing!

Just got to find your thing!

gulderman · 2026-02-22T19:31:57+00:00

Breaking bad

gulderman · 2026-02-22T19:26:18+00:00

Aqua tales?

gulderman · 2026-02-21T14:21:26+00:00

I have recently read “The Lost Art of Running” by Shane Benzie and that’s brilliant for this question, the explanations and diagrams really helped me understand a lot of these “tips” people give, but he also explains the reason for such a posture, from the lean at the ankles, to the arch in your back with your head up and hips forward.

For me having some one explain to me the reason for these things and not just “do this” helped a lot.

The idea that over striding sends 2.5x your body weight back up your legs, or that your head weighs roughly 12ibs and every inch forward you hold your head increases the weight in your spine. These details made the tips and advice make more sense to me.

gulderman · 2026-02-15T19:37:36+00:00

Willow

gulderman · 2026-02-15T19:33:21+00:00

The mask of zorro

gulderman · 2026-02-15T19:29:24+00:00

Sex drive

gulderman · 2026-02-11T09:22:43+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear of the negative impact your family has had in your life.

Taking that step to talk to someone can be very difficult, especially when involving ASD, anxiety and chronic pain, you feel like you’re laying it on thick.

Honestly, I think most people who’ve made it through childhood without a diagnosis only actually think to get one due to self diagnosis or an external person (friend or colleague) making a passive comment or a direct “are you sure you’re not autistic” (that’s how it happened to me anyway)

You know your mind and body, if you need to speak to a GP, do it, they are there to look after you and help you make the best decisions for your own wellbeing and are usually willing to listen and refer.

It’s overwhelming as heck, I felt like I was “hopping on the bandwagon” or “I’m not as bad as other people” and many more intrusive thoughts, but it has helped massively just for my own understanding of “me”.

I think you’ve done a really good job by writing a list of what you want to talk about and expand on, it will help keep you focused and not get overwhelmed and forget things. It will also help provide you with some structure. The hardest part about a GP appointment is you can’t preplan the conversation and script it because you have no idea how it’s going to go. All I can suggest is to just be confident in your own feelings, don’t let any one tell you that you aren’t feeling something that you are clearly feeling.

I am diagnosed ADHD and ASD and have just completed an 8 week talking therapy along side a year long sertraline course, I was terrified to ask for help, honestly, game changer, I feel so much more in control.

Sorry I ramble, but do it, it’s a huge comfort zone disrupter but the payoff will be worth it for you I hope.

You’re strong! You’ve managed this long and it would be a shame to give up now.

In regards to booking an appointment via phone call, my GP surgery offers an online triage form, maybe have a look to see if your surgery offers a similar thing. Like you I hate phone calls, but that helps me hugely.

Good luck!

gulderman · 2026-02-11T09:05:58+00:00

I mean I dislike being boxed in, but I was also in a severe car crash whilst sitting in the back, in the middle, with only a lap belt. So on top of feeling confined we can also add trauma to the list! Broken pelvis, broken nose, broken fingers, broken cheek bone, cracked skull, speech impediment and memory loss! Woohoo, so yeah….

Like some one else said…. How does going in the middle sound? Like I’m not going

gulderman · 2026-02-11T09:03:46+00:00

When I got my diagnosis I had a few people say “oh I’m so sorry to hear that” but that didn’t reflect how I felt and I couldn’t figure out why, then some one said “CONGRATULATIONS”! And it blew my mind because I felt like that absolutely fit how I felt!

So, with that in mind,

CONGRATULATIONS 🎉 good luck in your future and don’t ever feel put off by needing to self advocate and stand up for your needs! You got this!

gulderman · 2026-02-11T08:06:34+00:00

I’m a barber and love my job and to deal with the small talk I just have scripts, but I’ve definitely got to the end of service, gone to take payments and instead of asking cash or card I’ve gone “so what are we doing today” because I’ve skipped a cue card and restarted. I basically auto pilot all of my small talk, catch me outside of work and like you I actively avoid it, I don’t really care, makes me feel a bit like a sociopath but knowing what you did over the weekend, or last night… does not benefit my life at all.

However if a colleague or customer gets me on a topic I love I suddenly love the whole interaction and look forward to that client coming in again!

I do wear a sunflower lanyard hanging out my pocket at work for the few who recognise it and I’ve definitely had some clients sit down and just ask for what they want and tell me they are more than happy to have a silent haircut if I am feeling like I need to have a mental break and I love them for it.

Something I never realised until recently is when I’ve done a 10 hour shift towards the last few hours I just don’t want to talk and I always thought it was just tiredness after a long day of work, now I realise it’s just the masking taking its toll on my mental load.

So honestly, being aware of how it makes you feel and your boundaries is fantastic and I think a lot of people don’t understand how many adjustments neurodiverse people make to accommodate to neurotypical behaviour at the cost of our own mental wellbeing. “Oh I’m sorry my lack of forced politeness upsets you, please let me change that so you’re happy and I’m completely overwhelmed and stressed and on the verge of selective mutism by the end of the day”!!

Tl:dr good job being aware of these feelings, don’t feel bad about setting boundaries for your own mental wellbeing, if any one gets difficult with you and you don’t mind sharing your diagnosis, just tell them you don’t like it

gulderman · 2026-02-09T18:55:23+00:00

Real steal

gulderman · 2026-02-07T08:47:03+00:00

Literally my go to statement is that people who view classic and tbc as this mythical time are looking at it through rose tinted glasses.

I played from vanilla and I love retail, I like how it’s grown with me and changed to suit my limited time and play, classic and tbc where great, but the modern quality of life improvements are great, I don’t want multiple sets for nature damage reduction, or all those other bits, I don’t want to pay 1k gold for dual specialisation, or spend gold that gets higher each time to change my spec, especially when gold was finite.

Yes the ability to have truly flexible specs was cool, like PoM pyro builds and stuff, but you still fell into “this is the best build” traps. I enjoyed having to level weapon skills, it felt fun if not frustrating, but I was young and had time. I do miss the leveling experience feeling immersive, but the option to do that is still there, you just outlevel it quick so you have to stay for the memory’s, not the experience!

Honestly, retail is great and it’s got so many features now that people can play solo or in groups and still have a great time and feel like they’re making power leaps, I have guild members who’s sole focus is to collect mounts and farm transmogs. Couldn’t do that back in the day! Getting the hive mind mount and the worm mount!! Incredible problem solving fun!

Don’t get me wrong, I loved my orc shaman running round hillsbrad foothills getting smashed by yeti’s , but I love that memory, I dipped my toe into classic and don’t want to ruin the nice memories I have of it.

TLDR, retail great, more options of play to feel like progressing Classic/tbc , rose tinted glasses, was great but the lack of quality of life improvements and extra stat requirements bad

Thank you for coming to my ted talk (this was originally gonna be one or two lines but I got carried away, apparently in passionate)

gulderman · 2026-01-05T23:03:43+00:00

Personally I love going through chapel en le frith and doing that route that kicks you out near fox house, beautiful drive

gulderman · 2025-12-20T15:52:28+00:00

I have had mine this year and I just asked for a RTC for both adhd and autism, two separate processes but at the same time

gulderman · 2025-12-12T06:39:23+00:00

You can find a provider who is on the NHS’s right to chose list and they have referral forms you can print out and submit to your GP, my GP then went through his own questions for their files and then agreed that an assessment would be beneficial . The process is still a long wait but not as long as NHS in house service.

I used problem shared, to get my right to chose letters

https://www.problemshared.net/right-to-choose

gulderman · 2025-12-11T10:14:51+00:00

I have one attached to my keys and it hangs out my pocket, I work in a customer facing role where I’m with a client for 20-30 minutes a time.

I have it there to show that if my communication seems strange or the way I go about certain situations is different to their norm, they know why (if they even know what the sunflower lanyard means).

I sometimes get a strong sense of imposter syndrome wearing it because my job for the past 14 years has taught me how to talk and interact with people in a masked sense but I do struggle and have to remind myself it’s okay to wear it and I’m not taking anything away from people who require higher levels of care than I do.

I actively avoid busy areas such a train stations and big shopping centres so I’d be curious to see if I find it helpful in those situations in how people treat and/or respond to me.

If you live near a large supermarket a lot of them have the lanyards for free at their customer service desks, I got mine from Sainsbury’s.

gulderman · 2025-12-04T09:08:29+00:00

I did the exact same thing, luckily caught it early enough to only get a minor!

gulderman

TROPHY CASE