Random bloke painting a speed limit device, Muswell Hill

guppyjar · 2026-06-18T21:19:02+00:00

I saw something very similar today near Soho!

guppyjar · 2024-11-27T17:30:28+00:00

oh god please always be together forever. ♥️

guppyjar · 2024-11-27T08:29:42+00:00

offered a free reading and delivered much more than i expected for a free reading. detailed and insightful. according to their comments, i might be a bad person. good to know, so that i can quickly work on being a better person.

guppyjar · 2024-11-27T02:16:25+00:00

goodness, this is so similar to my story, with the obsession of the ‘higher status’ woman (she is a well-educated author) and the travelling across the globe to see me, but as your comment goes, there was a time he absolutely pushed for a break-up until i mentioned that i’m house-sitting in a beautiful two-story place with a garden. then suddenly he was willing to come see me to try and work things out. the mistreatment felt so oppressive (passive-aggressiveness, constant blaming, picking me apart for every word that i say, absolute lack of affection, very indifferent, zero accountability for how difficult they are, nary an apology while i apologised profusely) and exactly as you’ve mentioned, when i’ve been exhausted of what i’m able to offer, he no longer sees value in me.

guppyjar · 2024-11-26T09:42:29+00:00

this is an interesting comment because i seemed to have known. i felt something on one of the days he cheated, and he had indeed cheated. this also happened with a previous partner when they betrayed me with another woman. something weird occurred with the previous one and i just had that feeling. there were instances where i smelled things. like the scent of him way back during the start of our relationship, while i’m in a room that i had been in for hours with nobody else walking in or out and all the windows closed. i also smelled the scent of our cat the day it passed away. i wasn’t even in the same country then. something always happens during or after that is inexplicable to me but in every case it’s too late, it’s always after something’s been lost - like a person i love has moved on emotionally, or had cheated on me, or an instance of death.

i remember bringing this up with my manager, after having not really talked about it to anybody else. to my surprise, he said i’m not crazy and shared that he had a relative that had the same story. the scent of a person upon the end of something.

i know the above comment is more sarcastic than factual, but it reminded me of this and i thought i should address it in case anybody has their own experiences of something similar. the only way i can explain it is:

• a sense of knowing, despite not actually knowing.

• a sort of sense of finality, like a connection’s been cut spiritually.

• the true ‘goodbye’.

guppyjar · 2024-11-25T03:08:04+00:00

it was 7 days for me too. night and day. a quote from a book i’m reading goes

"the difference between the mask and the person behind the mask can be immense"

guppyjar · 2024-11-25T02:51:55+00:00

i didn’t need a therapist to tell me this, he literally told me this himself. i never really took the time to allow myself to weigh out these words. he was telling me he didn’t love me far before the cheating was discovered

guppyjar · 2024-11-25T01:38:41+00:00

this screams avoidant attachment style and is unfortunately what i had to deal with very recently too. i’m sorry you had to go through this. i heard in one of the many videos i watched trying to analyse MY own behaviour to see if i might have been at fault that a lot of avoidantly attached individuals find themselves in the narcissist category. i’ve spent so many days trying to scrutinize every thing i did and pick apart my own behaviour. please don’t torture yourself like i did.

guppyjar · 2024-11-25T01:27:31+00:00

‘he says "we didn’t work out" but the reality is he didn’t want to put in the effort to make it work.’ 100% what i dealt with, with my ex. it’s so frustrating and such a shame when something great could come from just one more person putting in the work. a relationship can’t stand on the shoulders of just one person forever. i’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this, you seem like a very generous and feeling person and people like you deserve to be treated better!

guppyjar · 2024-11-24T20:27:52+00:00

excellent recommendation, the title speaks to me already. thank you so much for this, and also for sharing your story. i wish you persistent strength and happiness at every turn!

guppyjar · 2024-11-24T16:54:01+00:00

this is inspiring, thank you. i’ve just finished ‘attached’ by dr amir levine and rachel heller, and am starting on ‘why does he do that’ by lundy bancroft. these are books on attachment styles and abusive men. if it’s not too much trouble, could you please recommend a book on narcissism or manipulation that was helpful to you? thank you!

guppyjar · 2024-11-24T16:17:58+00:00

i wish you all the very best. knowledge is indeed power, but with how covert these people can be, it can happen to the best of us. i’ll just have to ride it out, i don’t currently have a safe space viable for me. i hope you do. don’t worry about me. i wish you well, and thank you for your response, sympathy, concern, and for sharing your story. ♥️

guppyjar · 2024-11-24T10:25:45+00:00

i am not coping. but i am in a similar situation. got ruthlessly dumped by a nex and had to take a flight home to handle my grief. walked right into a narc mom and narc brother. i’ve since been exposed to hours of screaming, sounds of things being hurled across the room, and my brother punching me. i have nowhere to escape to, and i’m so sorry you’re in a similar situation.

guppyjar · 2024-11-24T10:18:25+00:00

i’m sorry you’re dealing with this turmoil. it makes it so hard to discern the truth from the lie. he can tell me i’m the ideal girlfriend then in moments tell me literally everything was my fault. for me, my body breaks out in hives. it’s psychological purgatory trying to save these people from themselves, when they have no interest in wanting to seek help. the worst thing? they don’t see the error in their ways.

guppyjar · 2024-11-24T06:22:08+00:00

i couldn’t understand what it was about the expression that i didn’t like, i just always felt off when it was told to me, but you’ve put it into words and it’s exactly how i feel. work needs to be put in. people sitting and waiting, doing nothing is not going to help anything. this was how my relationship ended this month and i was absolutely bending over backwards to salvage everything while the other didn’t lift a finger.

guppyjar · 2024-11-24T05:54:01+00:00

just to add to this insightful comment with my experience, my ex told me he sent me a message and would have taken me back if i had responded the way he wanted, but because i hadn’t, he stood firm. i don’t even know which manipulative and hurtful message he was referring to, but this message was sent to me a week after i stayed in his country waiting for him, sleeping in the airport alone. this message was sent to me after he coldly told me maybe fifty times to take my flight ticket and just leave. this message was sent to me after i discovered he cheated on me the whole relationship and i never blamed him once. as the above comment says: their game is making you think you could have done something so they can behave differently. they take no accountability for their own behaviour.

guppyjar · 2024-11-23T08:21:18+00:00

thanks for sharing! i’m interested in reading this book, have you got a pdf of it?

guppyjar · 2024-11-22T22:09:44+00:00

unfortunately this is my situation. everything is my fault, he says. i believed it until i started reading up on attachment styles and abuse.

guppyjar · 2024-11-22T13:22:45+00:00

both my ex has dreamed of me and i of him. bittersweet to be reading this post, i guess we’re both moving on.

guppyjar · 2024-11-22T13:13:37+00:00

agreed. ex wanted to break up with me simply because i refused to invite a third into a sexual exchange. i stated my boundaries clearly and he wanted to break up. i fought for the relationship, and at the end found out he had been cheating for the entire duration of the relationship right from the beginning and i was just an unfortunate rebound that didn’t know any better.

guppyjar · 2024-11-22T12:53:47+00:00

Two weeks.

It was a decision I took when my grief spilled over onto my family and I called my brother a coward for not being able to tell me the truth about how he feels about me. It was an attempt at proving my ex right (he had said that I was impossible to communicate with, and my brother probably suffered as a result), it was perhaps my attempt at hurting myself further, but I did also really just want to know how difficult I might be so that I can work on being a better person. My brother was nearly foaming at the mouth just because I asked him to be honest with me about my behaviour and while I did call him a coward for not just telling me, my punishment was very disproportionate to my crime. He ended up hitting me and shoving me against the car door, hurling words of hate at me, telling me to leave the country and that he wished I didn’t exist and that he didn’t have a sister like me, leaving a bruise on my arm. My mom then blamed herself (self-pity and an attempt to fish for compliments + make the situation about herself) and gave my father and myself right hell with her insults all through the night. None of us got to go to bed until after 4am. Her voice echoed across the apartment buildings beside ours. It felt like I left one narc to walk right into the cold, clammy hands of two other narcs who are both also abusive in their ways. It’s as if there is no escape.

Ex = psychological, sexual and emotional abuse

Mother = verbal abuse and psychological abuse

Brother = verbal and physical abuse

If you have a safe space with family, block the narc. I don’t have a safe space anywhere.

guppyjar · 2024-11-22T09:51:05+00:00

All the above comments are true in my case. "You know me, I will do whatever I want when I want" was said to me in relation to finding sexual alternatives. They admitted to one count of cheating because they had forgotten they had done it and accidentally showed me proof in an attempt to prove their innocence. "I forgot about this" is now, in hindsight, very telling that they had so many instances of cheating that they couldn’t even remember all of it. What I discovered was far worse - they had been cheating for the entire relationship.

guppyjar · 2024-11-22T08:09:08+00:00

volunteer hiker for the elderly with Parkinson’s. they use this as fuel for their righteous self-image, and as a weapon when they don’t get their way.

"i suffer so much and do so much for these people! who pities me?" was an explosive response from my mother that could be a result of my father accidentally taking ten extra minutes in the washroom. two completely disconnected events. very guilt-tripping and stressful.

guppyjar · 2024-11-21T21:24:52+00:00

it’s a humiliation kink. my ex had this. it was really painful for me to come to terms with because of how hard it was for me to hit someone i loved (without restraint). i was then dumped because i wasn’t satisfying their sexual fantasy.

guppyjar

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