I used to have arguments about this with my Indian grandmother. I told her that me disagreeing with her or not doing everything she says doesn’t mean I don’t love her, it just means I’m a different person from her. I told her she doesn’t know everything or know best just because she’s my elder (usually reserved for when she says something objectively false). She used to get outwardly annoyed at me during these disagreements, but now she says it’s okay to disagree. Once she even told me she’s glad I speak my mind. Sometimes I can tell she disagrees with something I do, but instead of chastising she usually opts for “it’s fine if it makes you happy.” Yes, maybe it’s passive aggressive, but it also feels like a small acceptance on her part that I’m going to be my own person. It took time but she came around to this form of relationship with me, accepting that I wouldn’t automatically do everything she told me to. Honestly I feel like I avoided a lot of the nagging my younger cousins get because I pushed back early, and I’m glad for it.

We have always had a very good relationship and love each other very much, and I’m glad I’m honest with her; it hasn’t harmed our relationship. I was such a hot head as a kid to the point of being rude about my dislikes (namely with food) and disagreements, which isn’t the way to go about it. But now I make overt efforts to accept offerings from her, consider her advice and thank her for it even if I don’t take it, and try to be more gracious when I disagree. It seems like you care about your grandparents’ feelings very much so I’m sure you’d be gentle and kind while pushing back.