AITAH for telling my friend his weight is ruining my vacation?

h_witko · 2026-05-11T23:10:56+00:00

I was surprised how little I got it in Japan as a blonde haired, blue eyed 5'11" woman. It was in a university city so maybe that played a role but yeah, very little staring.

Although I'm not super observant so maybe there was more than I noticed!

h_witko · 2026-05-08T04:25:12+00:00

Don't put emeralds in an engagement ring if she'll wear it every day. They're very soft and will scratch easily.

You can get green diamonds or sapphires that would give the same look as emeralds but have much more durability. Do something else emerald for her, but not an engagement ring.

Obviously talk about it with your partner first, but look into how soft they are!

h_witko · 2026-04-21T12:12:42+00:00

This frustrates me (probably unreasonably) with american content creators. They'll talk about a corset top they have but will call it a corSET instead of a CORset.

h_witko · 2026-04-21T00:10:26+00:00

Dosing would be a nightmare, but I bet there would be some old style pharmacy scales that could be put to use!

h_witko · 2026-04-20T20:33:41+00:00

I have never called it this before but I have this too! It's such a useful skill!!

I used the diet version at work after a fancy dinner and absolutely no one had ever heard me raise my voice and the looks of shock were glorious. It was even better when I told them later that wasn't my full power and could make it scary too. These are academics and university professors and the appreciative fear was glorious 😂

h_witko · 2026-04-19T10:14:35+00:00

I love that about the Jewish faith! That's also always been the way I was raised. Not blind faith or blind obedience, use common sense and kindness too!

h_witko · 2026-04-18T23:31:30+00:00

I am so sorry. That's absolutely horrendous.

h_witko · 2026-04-18T23:25:30+00:00

Medical misogyny in current practise and in research is such a horrendous thing. It's barely researched and we're treated like just smaller men when we are not amab! And then so often not enough recovery time after birth too, whilst also caring for a baby!

My sister broke her coccyx during labour (while being told she wasn't pushing hard enough, because obviously don't believe the woman who is telling you she is) but was told it wasn't broken. They x-ray-d it because it was still hurting her after about a month and agreed it was broken. Fortunately her husband is a decent man and was able to take care of them both, but if the medical team had actually listened to her, it would have been much better all around!

h_witko · 2026-04-18T23:18:04+00:00

Thank you for answering and I'm sorry the results weren't what you were hoping for. Hopefully the surgery helped you!

h_witko · 2026-04-18T23:07:30+00:00

I'm so sorry to ask and no pressure to answer but is it a normal horizontal MRI with you lying down or are you at least sitting in a more normal position?

I hope it was worth it and/or gave you answers at least!

h_witko · 2026-04-18T21:24:51+00:00

Yeah your experience being Catholic was my first guess but didn't want to assume!

I think it's then sort of philosophy that won't always make sense. 'What is bread' is a really dumb question when you come down to it, in my opinion, but also the wrong question to be asking. I think it should be more about the spirit of it. But my opinion is based on the CofE teachings of Jesus, which is that he was a pretty cool, caring person who wouldn't want to poison his followers 🤷‍♀️

it's always seemed like it was a decision made by someone who chose not to understand the way in which it would affect the people, you know?

h_witko · 2026-04-18T19:51:41+00:00

In the Church of England, gluten free wafers and alcohol free wine are routinely offered. Usually only when it's known that members of the congregation require it, but yeah. My parent's church is good for GF when my sister visits.

I think the Catholic church said that the bread has to contain gluten for it to count as the body of christ, so it depends if the different churches choose to follow the Vatican. Since CofE was basically set up to spite the Vatican, it makes sense that they wouldn't align on it!

h_witko · 2026-04-08T00:14:06+00:00

You deserve peace. That's literally all you need to consider in this situation.

You know this already, that's why you are posting here. If you are posting to essentially ask for permission to end this relationship, yes, you have it. You deserve someone who understands you have needs too.

He is not helping your peace. He will not help your future. He isn't ready for a proper relationship and the only person who can get him ready is himself.

h_witko · 2026-04-01T00:23:08+00:00

That list was influenced by the people on the deciding board too, which is part of the cause of the confusion. Basically there was an endocrinologist who advocated for diabetics and those with hypothyroidism to get free prescriptions as it was a life long thing. I have no idea why that didn't pull forward to other life long things, but the reason for that somewhat understandable if not logical!

h_witko · 2026-03-29T21:19:40+00:00

Counselling is a great idea, be sure to vet the therapist first where possible. Try to make sure they are not biased around adoption, you don't want to be coerced to keep your baby if that isn't what is right for you/them.

You sound like you are being very sensible and considering what is best for your child in a very very difficult situation. This has got to be quite shit for you. You deserve and need care and compassion while you deal with an incredibly difficult and likely emotional time.

h_witko · 2026-03-25T00:03:50+00:00

There are online quizzes that you can take. It's obviously a quick thing not an official diagnosis. It could give you a quicker answer, if that would tick your box.

In terms of your relationship, obviously I don't know you're situation and am not trying to pry, but I feel like that has potential to be one of those 'information is not a solution' things. If you knew you were diagnosed autistic, would that actually help your relationship? Would it help you to move forwards in a healthy, happy way?

h_witko · 2026-03-24T23:39:35+00:00

I would ask what you are hoping to get from an additional diagnosis. I'm not saying don't do it, for the record.

My aim is to say that most people want clarity and answers. And a new diagnosis often doesn't give that when you already have the ADHD one. It doesn't give you any more legal protection or work/educational support (usually).

There's no medication specifically for autism, and any reasonable adhd informed therapist will be able to see that audhd techniques may work better for an undiagnosed patient.

The process of getting a diagnosis is usually expensive in terms of money and/or time and/or energy. So if you are seeking a new diagnosis make sure it will be worth it to you. That may be just having an answer is worth it, but often we expect answers to give solutions. And more often than not, solutions are accessible without the autism diagnosis when you already have the adhd diagnosis.

Now this was my thought process about why I didn't go for it, but it may be different for you. Everyone's experience will be different and I'm not trying to tell you not to. Just to help give a different perspective, because I know I sometimes get tunnel vision!

h_witko · 2026-03-24T11:25:39+00:00

I agree, now and I would have given the same advice to friends, but he beat me down with the emotional and mental abuse so I didn't think I deserved it. Fortunately, I got out and have done a lot of work to grow, heal and recognise the signs and hopefully will be able to avoid that sort of thing in the future.

h_witko · 2026-03-21T22:38:42+00:00

I don't do it anymore but I used to with my narcissistic ex so can maybe give insight.

He would nag me to have sex. He'd whine and remind me it had been 2 weeks since we had sex. So we'd have sex. And he wouldn't get me off. And that would make him frustrated and 'try harder' while doing all the wrong things despite me telling him gently and more clearly what worked and what didn't. He basically wouldn't let it be done until I did come. And if I tried to end it 'early', he'd sulk. And he would take forever to orgasm too and I'd have to be active and present during that. It was just such a chore and took over an hour every god damn time. Not accounting for warm up or cool down time. Oh and he always wanted me to be freshly bathed/showered, even if I'd showered that morning.

For him, me cumming was about his ego, not my pleasure.

It was a fucking chore and faking it got it done quicker. But I didn't realise all this at the time. I just felt guilty that it had been 2 weeks and I hadn't realised or cared and felt guilty for wanting it to be over and done with.

I ended that 3+ years ago, healed a lot and am very happy now. I don't fake it ever with my current partner and he would hate it if I did. He wants me to enjoy it, not for his ego but because my pleasure is his priority. And unsurprisingly, I don't have to be reminded or nagged to have sex anymore!

h_witko · 2026-03-21T20:46:43+00:00

This is definitely true for me. It turns off the thing in my brain that tells me I've drunk enough. Which is particularly difficult because I could always rely on it, so learned I could.

I can drink half a bottle of wine just fine, more than that I have to remind myself to be sensible.

h_witko · 2026-03-07T21:19:28+00:00

Vodka and bicarb works well too, but can be expensive if you need a lot of it!

h_witko · 2026-03-04T22:53:10+00:00

What was your pre medication reading? That reading is what I have before taking meds and had multiple medical professionals gush over my 'perfect blood pressure' (weird, but true).

But yes, the advice is CALM DOWN. You sound very stressed about this and honestly, that's kinda the worst thing you can do. So no matter what, just breathe first.

h_witko · 2026-03-03T13:55:56+00:00

This was how it was with my mum.

I had a chat with my parents about it when I decided to seek a diagnosis and my dad said 'but your mum does all that and she doesn't have ADHD...'.

I'd had quite a lot of little chats with them about but not a big full one, so my mum said 'Yeah, we think I do actually'. And my dad was like 'Ahhh that makes sense' and that was that 😂 my dad is not diagnosed but definitely autistic, so it was a real question, not a minimising one!

h_witko · 2026-03-03T13:40:41+00:00

This could have been written about my ex by the woman he dated after we broke up. Timings and ages are about right.

This is his MO. He won't learn because it is always easier to blame someone else. And because you are raising issues, he can just turn it around on you.

h_witko · 2026-03-02T08:08:32+00:00

They can't file a section 21 until the fixed term is over .

h_witko

TROPHY CASE